CloudStrife

Hey all hope you are doing well.
A little about myself:
I'm 29 almost 30 and have been drinking for around ten years. The past four years pr so things have fotten pretty bad. My choise lf plison os beer- specifically the higher alcohol content kind. Lately ive been putting back more and more each noght. I lurk around this site sometimes and every once in a while I will post something. My drinking has gotten more dangerous like blackouts, weird cuts and bruises and im pretty sure i have even given myself a concussion one time.
This past week i went on pretty heavy 5 day binge and woke up the last day and knew i had to do detox. My body had had enough. I detoxed for 3 days and i know i need to quit for good now. I never want to put myself through that again. I have a couple friends who have been pretty understanding but i like to isolate myself a lot when i drink which has been mpst of the time. Still havent worked up the nerve to calling my boss back after the initiall call off also think its time to clue my family into how bad its gotten. I tried a outpatient therapy once but it felt like a bad fit.
Sorry for the long post but everything seems so helpless at this point.
My plan is AA tonight (my firt time ever) which is a big deal for me because i get pretty bad anxiety. And a different outpatient rehab (that i resrearched a little more and think will fit me better) and therapy begin on Wednesday.
Im just scared. It feels ive sworn off drinking so many times now i hope this jist another one of those. Anything seems going through this. I just want to be a better man.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for listening.

-Cloud

PaperDolls

It's great to hear that you have a plan Cloud.

I wasn't excited about AA at first. Not in the least. I just knew I couldn't do it alone. I had tried that for so many years a failed miserably. For me, it took a while for anything other than my old destructive habits to feel like a good fit. It was all so uncomfortable to me.

It gets better. On those days when you don't want to go to a meeting or outpatient rehab or therapy .... get your butt there. Be uncomfortable for a bit. Eventually things will start to feel comfortable again. It just takes some time.

CloudStrife

Thanks For the helpful words Paper. I dont want to go but i want it more than going doqn this road anymore.
I have to remember i tried it the other way already countlesa times and it just didnt work.

Collingwood20

Alcohol Anonymous Tradition 3 is "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking" looks like you qualify. Welcome.

Everyone has a first meeting. Please go, and if they ask let them know it is your first meeting since detox. You are among the closest friends you will every have. The AA group lightens up after they see you at a couple of meetings and know you are serious.

I hope you make the second and third as well. Good luck, and keep letting us know how it goes..

least

Welcome back! Glad you're having another go at it.

MIRecovery

AA's are the nicest most understanding people I have ever met. Meetings are the only place where I feel truely at home and safe. Nobody got to AA on a winning streak and everyone there understands exactly what you are going through

Dee74

good to see you back Cloud - I reckon go for it

D

Delilah1

Welcome back Cloud,

It sounds like you have really taken things seriously this time. I know I have tried to stop in the past and didn't have a clear plan. I think reaching our and using as many support resources as possible. Also, keep reading and posting on here. I know weekends can be tough (at least for me.)

Let us know how your meeting goes later.

quitforme79

I think you will find aa is full of really nice people who have a lot of wisdom to share. And it did keep me sober. I stopped going this week and relapsed last night. I am back though and will be hitting a meeting every day. Let us know how it goes!

CloudStrife

Thanks everyone for the posts. Sitting in my car scared as hell to go in at the moment but im going to do it! I will let you all know how it goes.

Sazzle

How did it go? I was very nervous at my first meet yesterday but they were do nice and welcoming. It was a real lightbulb moment for me. I felt for the first time that I could truly do this.

S x

SoberForMySon

Hope it went well! Come join our November club, too.

jennikate

Hope your meeting went well. It will most likely feel uncomfortable at first. Just keep going and keep your mind open. For me, it's a safe place full of love.

CloudStrife

Just got home from the meeting and it went great!
I felt very nervous at first but many of people made me feel right at home.
As someone who has shut himself up for a year and a half drinking all alone and feeling all alone, I was afraid to speak. I get some pretty bad social anxiety. But at the meeting there was no pressure.
I did introduce myself during the discussion period- just my name and that it was my first time. No one seemed to mind that I was so nervous and awkward and I even felt like they understood and didnt judge.
I was never a fan of the 12 step program and thought I could do without it for recovery. But if nothing else it is makes you realize you are not alone and it helps to hear the stories from others. People gave me a list of numbers and I cant wait to build a network of help from people who understand what I'm going through. Not sure this meeting was the best pick for me in my area, but I am actually looking forward to trying out some others.
If your on the fence about going like I was just take the first step and go- you have nothing to lose.
Thanks to everyone on this thread and site about how to help others. Add this to the outpatient detox at this better medical facility starting next week. Im not going to count my chickens yet, but I feel the most optomistic I have ever felt.
I'm already looking at events for tomorrow so that I can meet new people.