Embracing sobriety rather than just "not drinking for now".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
Embracing sobriety rather than just "not drinking for now".
Today is day 7 and I had a great appointment with my therapist last night. For the first time ever I admitted to someone other than my partner that I am an alcoholic. Not, "I tend to drink too much". Not, "I used to drink too much". Not, "because of AB or C I drink too much". Not, "I need to control my drinking better in the future". Not, "Well, now that I haven't had a drink in a few months, I can go back to drinking". Not, "I wasn't really that bad. It's not like I drank all day every day." Not any of that BS my addictive voice has tried to feed to me over the years.
I am an alcoholic. And anything I could say I haven't done with alcohol (for example, "I didn't drink in the mornings"), I now put a "Yet" afterwards. It will come if I continue to feed my alcoholic self with alcohol.
She was very supportive and even offered to inquire about an AA meeting that may be more in tune with my beliefs, or lack thereof. Apparently she has a few patients that go to meetings and she has heard good things about a few. So, hopefully that will lead to something. She wants me to at least try going to a meeting.
As my life is very chaotic right now (sick, special needs child) it is not really feasible for me to attend daily meetings. But for the first time ever I am very interested in at least attending. I am very much interested in doing anything and everything that will help me to remember that I am an alcoholic. Every day.
In the past, I viewed AA negatively as I don't necessarily believe it is the only way to get sober and stay sober. Plus, I have issues with the wording of the steps as I am agnostic. However, all bets are off now. I want to be sober. I need to be sober. AA seems to be the only meetings in my area and I am at least curious about the support a face to face meeting might provide to me right now. Besides, at this time I am viewing anything that I used to say about anything alcohol related as suspect. There is no harm in trying as long as I go in knowing that even if I hate it--it is a step towards my long-term sobriety and any step in that direction is a good step to take.
I said to my partner today, "You know, I am an alcoholic. (she knew, shocking, I know) I want to do things differently this time. Rather than just not drink, I want to be sober. I want to embrace being sober rather than be cranky and upset because I can't drink". She paused and said, "That is the first time I have ever heard you say anything like that in 12 years". That hit home for me because frankly, we've discussed drinking many, many times over the years. I guess I finally get the difference between being sober vs. not drinking. How in the heck did it take me this long to get that?
Reading this site daily, if not obsessively, has helped me this past week. There are so, so many people who have addiction to alcohol. And, I am one of them. I am not sure why. I'm not sure why it is alcohol and not something else. But I am trying not to overthink that piece of it. It doesn't matter why I am, I just am.
Despite it only being day 7, I am lucky in that I have only drank 3 times in over two months. (In the past I would be cranky about the starting and stopping and use it as a "I can't do this long term" excuse). I have gotten back into working out hardcore daily. I am in the best shape I have been in a couple of years. I've lost 13 lbs. Recently I got a juicer and have been juicing my breakfast every morning--that is fun. I'm feeling like my forward progress with my health and wellbeing combined with the definitive and never changing self identifying as an alcoholic is a good way to start right now.
However, I will continue to work on being sober just like I worked on drinking for all of those years.
Thanks everyone for being here.
I am an alcoholic. And anything I could say I haven't done with alcohol (for example, "I didn't drink in the mornings"), I now put a "Yet" afterwards. It will come if I continue to feed my alcoholic self with alcohol.
She was very supportive and even offered to inquire about an AA meeting that may be more in tune with my beliefs, or lack thereof. Apparently she has a few patients that go to meetings and she has heard good things about a few. So, hopefully that will lead to something. She wants me to at least try going to a meeting.
As my life is very chaotic right now (sick, special needs child) it is not really feasible for me to attend daily meetings. But for the first time ever I am very interested in at least attending. I am very much interested in doing anything and everything that will help me to remember that I am an alcoholic. Every day.
In the past, I viewed AA negatively as I don't necessarily believe it is the only way to get sober and stay sober. Plus, I have issues with the wording of the steps as I am agnostic. However, all bets are off now. I want to be sober. I need to be sober. AA seems to be the only meetings in my area and I am at least curious about the support a face to face meeting might provide to me right now. Besides, at this time I am viewing anything that I used to say about anything alcohol related as suspect. There is no harm in trying as long as I go in knowing that even if I hate it--it is a step towards my long-term sobriety and any step in that direction is a good step to take.
I said to my partner today, "You know, I am an alcoholic. (she knew, shocking, I know) I want to do things differently this time. Rather than just not drink, I want to be sober. I want to embrace being sober rather than be cranky and upset because I can't drink". She paused and said, "That is the first time I have ever heard you say anything like that in 12 years". That hit home for me because frankly, we've discussed drinking many, many times over the years. I guess I finally get the difference between being sober vs. not drinking. How in the heck did it take me this long to get that?
Reading this site daily, if not obsessively, has helped me this past week. There are so, so many people who have addiction to alcohol. And, I am one of them. I am not sure why. I'm not sure why it is alcohol and not something else. But I am trying not to overthink that piece of it. It doesn't matter why I am, I just am.
Despite it only being day 7, I am lucky in that I have only drank 3 times in over two months. (In the past I would be cranky about the starting and stopping and use it as a "I can't do this long term" excuse). I have gotten back into working out hardcore daily. I am in the best shape I have been in a couple of years. I've lost 13 lbs. Recently I got a juicer and have been juicing my breakfast every morning--that is fun. I'm feeling like my forward progress with my health and wellbeing combined with the definitive and never changing self identifying as an alcoholic is a good way to start right now.
However, I will continue to work on being sober just like I worked on drinking for all of those years.
Thanks everyone for being here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
savingself, it is always a blessing to read someone removing the excuses, admitting and accepting they are an alcoholic, know there are "yets"( You're Eligible, Too).
yes, there are different ways to get sober, but i am glad you see your way hasnt been workin and are willing to try something different.
AA has a book titled "Alcoholics Anonymous." we call it the big book. there is a chapter in it titled "We Agnostics." you may want to google " big book online" and check it out.
you have one of the qualities that really helps a person get sober and that is an open mind.
yes, there are different ways to get sober, but i am glad you see your way hasnt been workin and are willing to try something different.
AA has a book titled "Alcoholics Anonymous." we call it the big book. there is a chapter in it titled "We Agnostics." you may want to google " big book online" and check it out.
you have one of the qualities that really helps a person get sober and that is an open mind.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
AA works plain and simple. It saved my life when rehabs, pyschologists, and self will failed. Here is a little section from the big book for you.
"To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis-not always easy alternatives to face.
But it isn't so difficult. About half our fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life-or else. Perhaps it is going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like fifty of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted."
"To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis-not always easy alternatives to face.
But it isn't so difficult. About half our fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life-or else. Perhaps it is going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like fifty of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 137
Saving Self..What a wonderful post! I agree with tomsteve, it is so refreshing to see someone who acknowledges the reality without excuses. I am not agnostic, in fact I am atheist so I understand your concerns with the program you mentioned. I think that attending some meetings may help you identify with others who share the same problem and no worries the steps are just suggestions. I attended aa early in my journey ignored the things that didn't resonate with me, after all as you stated there are many ways to get sober. Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
SavingSelf-Thanks for posting, I identified with much of what you wrote (i.e. no excuses, admitting alcoholism, inquiring about A.A., using SR to help stay sober, getting into kick ass shape), keep up the good work 
I hope one day I'm able to have a partner that will understand my addiction. It's hard not having someone and battling "alone". I'm glad you have that support in your life.
I hope one day I'm able to have a partner that will understand my addiction. It's hard not having someone and battling "alone". I'm glad you have that support in your life.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
I make use of AA and a variety of other ways to be recovered from addiction. As an atheist AA member I found knowing what other agnostics/atheist do in AA informative and personally life saving. Maybe take a look at the links below as they can be very helpful for the agnostic/atheist in AA.
AA Agnostica
Agnostic AA NYC
AA Agnostics of the San Franscisco Bay Area
AA Agnostic London South & Home Counties Agnostic AA Steps
Agnostic AA 12 Steps
AA Agnostic/Atheist links
When I read the AA Big Book and especially the chapter to the agnostic, I keep in mind of what co-author Bill W said:
AA Agnostica
Agnostic AA NYC
AA Agnostics of the San Franscisco Bay Area
AA Agnostic London South & Home Counties Agnostic AA Steps
Agnostic AA 12 Steps
AA Agnostic/Atheist links
"In AA's first years I all but ruined the whole undertaking with this sort of unconscious arrogance. God as I understood Him had to be for everybody. Sometimes my aggression was subtle and sometimes it was crude. But either way it was damaging - perhaps fatally so - to numbers of non-believers. Of course this sort of thing isn't confined to Twelfth Step work. It is very apt to leak out into our relationships with everybody. Even now, I catch myself chanting that same old barrier-building refrain, "Do as I do, believe as I do - or else!"
The Dilemma of No Faith, By Bill Wilson, AA Grapevine, April 1961
The Dilemma of No Faith, By Bill Wilson, AA Grapevine, April 1961
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Just not drinking vs. Embracing sobriety.
yep....
Embracing sobriety for the sake of sobriety, for me, is not something that will work for me over a lifetime... There is not enough there to embrace, I mean I was born sober and that is my God given natural state. Being alive and sober is cool enough, and being sober was a novel experience, at first.... But being sober for sobriety's sake?? I am alive for breathing's sake... so really, embracing sobriety is like embracing being alive... which is good, and I am grateful for that... so, uh, now what?
Some go onward, never looking back and live their lives and never really miss those altered states, or miss just wine with dinner or beers with guys...
Not me, embracing sobriety... "as if" ... sobriety sucked at first. I resented the hell out of it... and I was resentful, of almost everything, of my wife and her one tall white wine spritzer at the end of the night, my ski buddies whose last run of the day was at the bar, all that... The Grey Goose commercials...sports bars, nice restaurants and their wine lists, all that... and, what's more I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. I was unhappy.
AA does offer a way to "embrace sobriety", for me, because it offered me a way to make sense of living sober. A purpose that is sooooo much more than just not drinking, just for today... And the neat thing is, nobody tells me how I should feel. That's between God (as I understand Him) and me!
I never really could embrace sobriety. I can embrace life and all the awesome stuff in it. That's all that matters, AA or not AA, whatever... just be alive, sober, healthy, all that.
yep....
Embracing sobriety for the sake of sobriety, for me, is not something that will work for me over a lifetime... There is not enough there to embrace, I mean I was born sober and that is my God given natural state. Being alive and sober is cool enough, and being sober was a novel experience, at first.... But being sober for sobriety's sake?? I am alive for breathing's sake... so really, embracing sobriety is like embracing being alive... which is good, and I am grateful for that... so, uh, now what?
Some go onward, never looking back and live their lives and never really miss those altered states, or miss just wine with dinner or beers with guys...
Not me, embracing sobriety... "as if" ... sobriety sucked at first. I resented the hell out of it... and I was resentful, of almost everything, of my wife and her one tall white wine spritzer at the end of the night, my ski buddies whose last run of the day was at the bar, all that... The Grey Goose commercials...sports bars, nice restaurants and their wine lists, all that... and, what's more I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. I was unhappy.
AA does offer a way to "embrace sobriety", for me, because it offered me a way to make sense of living sober. A purpose that is sooooo much more than just not drinking, just for today... And the neat thing is, nobody tells me how I should feel. That's between God (as I understand Him) and me!
I never really could embrace sobriety. I can embrace life and all the awesome stuff in it. That's all that matters, AA or not AA, whatever... just be alive, sober, healthy, all that.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
You now have two essential characteristics for successfully going forward (and you seem to have acquired them far faster than I did). The first is full acceptance of your condition and the second is what seems to be a truly open mind.
There was something about your post I could not quite put my finger on. It’s a sort of energy that comes with the combination of acceptance and open-mindedness. It’s a synergy. It marks the beginning of wisdom in my opinion.
I have a feeling that very good things are about to happen for you.
There was something about your post I could not quite put my finger on. It’s a sort of energy that comes with the combination of acceptance and open-mindedness. It’s a synergy. It marks the beginning of wisdom in my opinion.
I have a feeling that very good things are about to happen for you.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
SS
Great post. Just keep going and you will get there. In those first few months I said to myself- sobriety is an adventure. There are twists and turns and it was a land and culture I had never visited (or previously cared about).
I do not go to AA but I read the Big Book several times in my first few weeks and listened to AA speakers tapes. It led me to think about and value surrender.
In my opinion your post covers Step 1 and most of what is needed for step two and three. I do not believe in God, but there are many forces greater than ourselves. My reference point has been the Moon, and light.
Great post. Just keep going and you will get there. In those first few months I said to myself- sobriety is an adventure. There are twists and turns and it was a land and culture I had never visited (or previously cared about).
I do not go to AA but I read the Big Book several times in my first few weeks and listened to AA speakers tapes. It led me to think about and value surrender.
In my opinion your post covers Step 1 and most of what is needed for step two and three. I do not believe in God, but there are many forces greater than ourselves. My reference point has been the Moon, and light.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
AA does indeed work, and it is plain and simple. And if it doesn't work for you, there are alternatives which work too. Hope you find your personal answer, SavingSelf and Green67. Never have we seen anyone fail if they really wanted to get sober and refused to give up. There is an answer for each of us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
green67-congrats on starting anew. I've had quite a few day 1's so I'm right there with you. It's places like this where we don't have to feel so alone and that's a huge comfort. Best wishes to you (and everyone else in recovery or just outside it).
62 days and counting..
62 days and counting..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
I just wanted to thank everyone for responding. Had a bit of a restless night (sinus issues and took a cold remedy that I think messed with my sleep a bit), and re-reading my post and the responses helped. No desire to drink, so that is good for now.
My therapist texted me yesterday with a few meetings I might try. Unfortunately the timing didn't work today but i definitely will attend within the week.
Still feeling good about all of this. Went to the gym this morning and had a good work out. I am sober today and very grateful for that.
Thanks again all.
My therapist texted me yesterday with a few meetings I might try. Unfortunately the timing didn't work today but i definitely will attend within the week.
Still feeling good about all of this. Went to the gym this morning and had a good work out. I am sober today and very grateful for that.
Thanks again all.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
Good on you for attending AA soon, nothing ventured - nothing gained. Along with healthy lifestyle changes, your continued participation here at SR can be part of your wellness plan. Encouraging other SR members to continue on a healthy path can help you on your new life journey.
Keep up the progress!
Keep up the progress!
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