Graceland

My RAH has been out of the house. It has been blissful. Complete bliss between the kids and I. Okay - that might be a bit of exaggeration, but the freedom from anger and the ability to concentrate on the kids rather than him has left me a totally different person.

Tomorrow, I'm going to let him know that I need more space and a separation. It is so hard. I made a plan and am just going to put myself on autopilot.

Part of me really wants him to plead with me, to say that he would do anything. Part of me really wants to believe that he can come back into this house and not bring the anger with him. Part of me wants to think that he can accept the dirty floors and the dishes in the sink for the sake of family harmony.

But it's a long, long process. Even if he doesn't start drinking again, everything that I've read says that the first year is the hardest and that's if he doesn't start drinking again. I don't know if I can go through it. I don't know that I can put my kids through it.

I have a plan. I just have to put myself on autopilot. Do it. Don't think. Which is like telling a fish not to swim, but don't think. Do. Not. Think. I accept what I cannot change. This is something that I can.

BlueSkies1

Only you know when you can't take anymore, when that day has arrived, and you have every right to take care of yourself, your sanity, your peace, calm, and serenity.

Here's to you finding it!