Hi, I'm new here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 5
Hi, I'm new here...
Hi, this is my first post here. I discovered the forums some time ago and reading other peoples stories and advice has been helpful in beginning to change my thinking. I have known that I have a drinking problem for a long time now, but go through periods of denial, which I am sure you all know is part of the problem. I have been a binge drinker since about my mid-teens. I always drank to get completely wasted. Since this was a favourite pastime of many of my friends, it seemed normal – for a while.
For much of my twenties I would get wasted 3-4 days a week and spend the rest of the week recovering from the hangover. Suffice to say I didn’t hold down too many jobs. I am in my thirties now and have gotten down to a bender every 1-2 weeks, but it is taking its toll now and recovery from the hangover takes a slow three days, after which I am in a state of depression and my mind seems to be in a permanent fog. I know that I need to quit now. I have had too many years of living like this. My partner has given me a final ultimatum, and I really don’t blame her. She has tolerated my terrible behaviour for years.
I really want to quit, but don’t have a plan yet. I am slightly dubious of AA, but would maybe consider it. I know I need to do something. I managed a month off at the start of the year, but now realise from reading the forums that I was “white knuckling” and it was never going to last.
I am a musician and songwriter and would particularly like to hear from other musicians/songwriters and creative people about getting their mojo back, but I would obviously welcome any advice and support from anyone with a similar problem.
For much of my twenties I would get wasted 3-4 days a week and spend the rest of the week recovering from the hangover. Suffice to say I didn’t hold down too many jobs. I am in my thirties now and have gotten down to a bender every 1-2 weeks, but it is taking its toll now and recovery from the hangover takes a slow three days, after which I am in a state of depression and my mind seems to be in a permanent fog. I know that I need to quit now. I have had too many years of living like this. My partner has given me a final ultimatum, and I really don’t blame her. She has tolerated my terrible behaviour for years.
I really want to quit, but don’t have a plan yet. I am slightly dubious of AA, but would maybe consider it. I know I need to do something. I managed a month off at the start of the year, but now realise from reading the forums that I was “white knuckling” and it was never going to last.
I am a musician and songwriter and would particularly like to hear from other musicians/songwriters and creative people about getting their mojo back, but I would obviously welcome any advice and support from anyone with a similar problem.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you decided to post, and that you recognize you have a problem with alcohol. I think what you're experiencing is the fact that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse over time, and for most of us, that includes the hangovers, too.
There are many ways to recover and I hope you find one that works for you. You're right that stopping drinking is just the beginning and in order to live a fulfilling life, recovery requires lots of changes. SR is a lifeline for me, and I hope you find lots of support here, too.
I'm glad you decided to post, and that you recognize you have a problem with alcohol. I think what you're experiencing is the fact that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse over time, and for most of us, that includes the hangovers, too.
There are many ways to recover and I hope you find one that works for you. You're right that stopping drinking is just the beginning and in order to live a fulfilling life, recovery requires lots of changes. SR is a lifeline for me, and I hope you find lots of support here, too.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hello CA,
Welcome to the forums. The whole denial/complacency thing regarding alcohol or drugs is a pretty normal thing to experience in people like us. It's full of 'What ifs' and 'But if I did that's'. I'm not really creative. I write articles and the like sometimes but it's more of a hobby rather than a passion. If you want experience from someone who got their mojo back you only have to look at Stephen King. The guy was convinced that his cocaine and alcohol use was the reason that he did so well as a writer. Then he decided to get clean and sober and thought that he couldn't write anything decent again, but he was wrong. Here's a link describing what he went through.
Stephen King overcame alcohol and drug addiction
A lot of my friends are musicians and a lot of my friends are also addicts and alcoholics. I know a lot of them have cleaned up and are doing better now than they were before, not only creatively but from a business perspective too. It kinda helps when you book gigs and then turn up and perform I guess. I wish you the best of luck on your journey mate. Regarding going to AA: I'm slightly biased. I am an NA member. However I do understand that what helps me may not help another person. There are other recovery methods out the such as SMART recovery and AVRT. It doesn't really matter which one you choose as long as you have some type of support system in place. It's not hard to stop drinking, the hardest part is staying stopped.
Natom.
Welcome to the forums. The whole denial/complacency thing regarding alcohol or drugs is a pretty normal thing to experience in people like us. It's full of 'What ifs' and 'But if I did that's'. I'm not really creative. I write articles and the like sometimes but it's more of a hobby rather than a passion. If you want experience from someone who got their mojo back you only have to look at Stephen King. The guy was convinced that his cocaine and alcohol use was the reason that he did so well as a writer. Then he decided to get clean and sober and thought that he couldn't write anything decent again, but he was wrong. Here's a link describing what he went through.
Stephen King overcame alcohol and drug addiction
A lot of my friends are musicians and a lot of my friends are also addicts and alcoholics. I know a lot of them have cleaned up and are doing better now than they were before, not only creatively but from a business perspective too. It kinda helps when you book gigs and then turn up and perform I guess. I wish you the best of luck on your journey mate. Regarding going to AA: I'm slightly biased. I am an NA member. However I do understand that what helps me may not help another person. There are other recovery methods out the such as SMART recovery and AVRT. It doesn't really matter which one you choose as long as you have some type of support system in place. It's not hard to stop drinking, the hardest part is staying stopped.
Natom.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi CrackedActor
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I was a musician for many years - drinking robbed me of my talent, my creativity, the respect of my peers and finally my career....
But I got that all back when I quit...I'm retired now but I never enjoyed playing more than when I was sober - after all, thats how I started many years ago - the music was enough - I forgot that for a while
It can be a lonely road being a sober musician but I think a lot depends on the company you keep too. Being the kind of man I wanted to be puts everything in perspective and makes everything worthwhile
I spent a lot of years playing at being a rock star - it's nice to be a musician again
D
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I was a musician for many years - drinking robbed me of my talent, my creativity, the respect of my peers and finally my career....
But I got that all back when I quit...I'm retired now but I never enjoyed playing more than when I was sober - after all, thats how I started many years ago - the music was enough - I forgot that for a while
It can be a lonely road being a sober musician but I think a lot depends on the company you keep too. Being the kind of man I wanted to be puts everything in perspective and makes everything worthwhile
I spent a lot of years playing at being a rock star - it's nice to be a musician again
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 5
Thanks for the kind welcome and words of encouragement guys. @ Dee, I am under no illusions anymore about drinking inspiring me or enhancing my creativity. I did once believe that, but have not done for a long time. I now firmly believe that it is in fact (as you said) destroying my creativity. I haven't really finished anything in a long time or felt the thrill from playing that I used to, and it is because I am trapped in this cycle. Thanks for those links, I will check them out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR CrackedActor
I'm a musician of sorts, though not professionally. To be honest I don't think it makes much difference recovery wise, there are lots of professions which seem booze focused but that's probably because alcoholics tend to make everything booze focused
It is possible to do all sorts of things sober, who knew, and it does get better and easier x
I'm a musician of sorts, though not professionally. To be honest I don't think it makes much difference recovery wise, there are lots of professions which seem booze focused but that's probably because alcoholics tend to make everything booze focused
It is possible to do all sorts of things sober, who knew, and it does get better and easier x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by hypochondriac 
Welcome to SR CrackedActor
... there are lots of professions which seem booze focused but that's probably because alcoholics tend to make everything booze focused x
... there are lots of professions which seem booze focused but that's probably because alcoholics tend to make everything booze focused
xMember
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
I have always done something creative. First it was cartooning, then it was music, then nature photography. Now it has settled down to writing, which I have done all along. I eventually become disillusioned with whatever creative endeavor I have thrown myself into because I've never made any money at it. I don't think this has to do with my drinking. I didn't just dabble in the creative endeavors, I went whole hog.
It sounds like music is more of a profession for you. I quit my job and moved to India for a year where I learned from some classical musicians. I literally practiced from dawn till dusk. Then I realized I could do that for another 30 years and still be dissatisfied with my playing. Also I got burned out on Indian culture.
I'm not worried about my mojo at this point. I'm not trying to impress the world. Just want peace of mind, even if that just means a nice walk and looking at the new plants growing after the rainfall.
Of note is that I've made it to the age of 49. I thought I would be dead long ago. Plenty of prominent artists died before they hit 30. So, if I can just have healthy relations with those around me and we can enrich each others' lives, that's fine for me.
My big (and I don't think unjustified) fear is getting sick with no health insurance. I'm recovering from a seizure now and spent hours on the phone today calling social services. They tell me it will take 45 days to process my application.
I need brain scans now. I was going to go to rehab, but finally after a day of work here and a day of work there for several years after going back to school and getting fully qualified in my field, I have been offered a part time temporary seasonal job which starts tonight. I feel like I really should take it and I have. It pays a dollar over minimum wage and has no health benefits. This is the America that Mitt Romney has wet dreams about. God knows what his motivation is. Further acquisition of wealth, power, and public attention I guess - as if he didn't have enough already.
It sounds like music is more of a profession for you. I quit my job and moved to India for a year where I learned from some classical musicians. I literally practiced from dawn till dusk. Then I realized I could do that for another 30 years and still be dissatisfied with my playing. Also I got burned out on Indian culture.
I'm not worried about my mojo at this point. I'm not trying to impress the world. Just want peace of mind, even if that just means a nice walk and looking at the new plants growing after the rainfall.
Of note is that I've made it to the age of 49. I thought I would be dead long ago. Plenty of prominent artists died before they hit 30. So, if I can just have healthy relations with those around me and we can enrich each others' lives, that's fine for me.
My big (and I don't think unjustified) fear is getting sick with no health insurance. I'm recovering from a seizure now and spent hours on the phone today calling social services. They tell me it will take 45 days to process my application.
I need brain scans now. I was going to go to rehab, but finally after a day of work here and a day of work there for several years after going back to school and getting fully qualified in my field, I have been offered a part time temporary seasonal job which starts tonight. I feel like I really should take it and I have. It pays a dollar over minimum wage and has no health benefits. This is the America that Mitt Romney has wet dreams about. God knows what his motivation is. Further acquisition of wealth, power, and public attention I guess - as if he didn't have enough already.
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