Synfull Vyxun

Well to start off with, I messaged my ex the other day and told him my aunty is going to lend me some money and we chatted for a bit, I told him if we do get back together when I get home that I don't want to rush things. Last time we were together, we were young and I had just got out of an abusive relationship where the guy cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. So I had trust issues, and thought the ex was cheating on me, we moved in together too fast and I was always snooping through his stuff to see if he was cheating, I did find a couple of messages on the internet but nothing substantial. In the end I left and moved here to England for a fresh start and to help my mother with her Fybromyalgia.
I wish I never left. We have always been in contact and still have feelings for each other.

Anyway yesterday I get a message from ex's ex girlfriend and mother of his baby, saying she has hacked his facebook account, and saw messages between us. They broke up a couple of months ago, so I do not see what it has to do with her. She said, I am welcome to the ex but not to play happy families with HER son, she wasn't nasty or using abusive language or anything, she told me he cheated on her at least 3 times she knows of for sure, and even the night before she had their baby!!
I now have serious doubts, he also said he wanted to propose to me as soon as I got into the airport, she said he tried that with her to, that he was a gonna do-er. always saying but I was going to do that, my A mother does that, so I can't guilt trip her, I think. Not that I would, that is her forte.
So then after reading this message, I haven't messaged her back, I understand where she is coming from and I don't want her son, that would just be strange, I do want my own children. I don't want to get involved, I have enough on my plate with being here and just trying to get home.
A mother was meant to be going on a date today, finally found out details last night as she cried to me expecting sympathy. Turns out the guy, Tom, booked a hotel for the night in oxford and got concert tickets to see a scottish band. So the night before last his ex wife found out Tom had moved on and was seeing mother, they have been seen drinking in our pub together, and rumors spread like wildfire round here. Tom was apparently in his house, and his 16 year old daughter has just moved from Ireland to live with him, the ex wife and son apparently came round, started smashing the place up. tom and the son got into a fight and got arrested, tom is very highly regarded in the army.( so mother tells me, but so is the guy that headbutted me in the bar because I wouldn't sleep with him. My mother believes everything she is told lately.)

So last night she wanted a shoulder to cry on, after saying all these nasty things about me on the weekend, they still run through my head when I look at her, so could hardly be her shoulder to cry on last night, but I went down, sat with her, listened to what she had to say.
She said tom had told her he couldn't go away now, with all this happening, so she should take me, I am sick and cannot travel in a car, let alone go to a concert!!! Plus I don't want to go anywhere with her, and she never does anything with me anymore, she goes on holidays with her best friend, they do everything together, so I said to take her, as I was not well enough to go, but she said that her friend was working tonight so couldn't go, she never works nights and I bet she is not working tonight, mother was drunk, had been drinking all afternoon, to be fair I shouldn't have talked to her at all. It's not like her friend couldn't swap shifts, she always rings mum and says she wants to stay home and watch tennis and would I do her shift for her, I used to say yes until this particular time, she can't not work, or just not do her shift because the tennis is on, we have a tv in the bar, there is no excuse!!! But she is mothers best friend and they do anything and everything for each other.
She gave me the guilt trips saying she just wants us to get on like we used to, she wants me to go out and find a job and live a happy life here with her, she said as I walked out that she had text tom and said I was being miserable and wouldn't go with her, I nearly snapped and shouted at her that I am sick and why does she want to take me anyway, but I refrained myself, and I am very proud of myself for this. Whenever we argue, she ignores me for about a week, and there is such tension in the house and she drinks a lot more, and it is all my fault apparently!!!! I know now this is not the case.
Before I walked out of her room, she asked me if I would come with her this morning to a cafe and meet him, (as everyone keeps asking what I think of him and mother is apparently sad that I haven't met him yet.) I really don't want to, just another random man in her bed, like it used to be when dad left. We lived in a pub then too. She of course denies it all.
I think she would have made me pretend that I was going with her, so he didn't feel bad or something, she does this. As he has payed for it all, she tried guilt tripping me, so I think there was only one reason for wanting me to meet him this morning.
I was up early this morning not to go with them, I refused, but mother was gone and so was the dog, the car is still here though, so god knows where she has gone, its raining and miserable so don't think they are walking?!?!?!?
I have just heard her come home, hopefully she doesn't ask me again today if I want to go, I bit my tongue last night, as it was about midnight and didn't want to argue anymore, and be told everything is all my fault. She asked me so many times and I just kept saying no, and she was crying and texting him. Today I may say something I regret.
It is just so frustrating, I hope my aunty gets to the bank soon to lend me money to get out of here. ;-(