Took out a personal protection order yesterday
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Took out a personal protection order yesterday
I had to do it. As much as I didn't want to because I work in the courthouse where they are issued and I am friends with 1/2 of the judges and I appear in front of all of them on a regular basis, I had to swallow my pride and just do it. My exah has been terrorizing me for months now.
The last straw was Tue night after dinner. My son was outside with his friends and I laid down in bed for a few minutes to rest. I must have dozed off for a minute or two. I woke up to find my exah standing over me in bed. I was in shock. I got up and walked into the kitchen to find TWO GALLONS of liquor on my counter. I asked exah what that was all about and why was he at my house and he said he thought we might sit down and "have a drink" and talk things over. He said he can drink now...because he knows everything...because he can talk to everyone...INCLUDING HIS DEAD PARENTS.
He said we could be together now and it would be better than ever because he knows everything. He understands everything. I was scared. I tried to remain calm. I stood by the back door and told him repeatedlly to leave. He finally did...after about 10 minutes. Luckily, when my son saw exah pull in, he ran across the street to my mother's house and waited until exah left...so he didnt' see anything...and wasn't exposed to it other than experiencing the fear I think he naturally feels at the sight of his dad these days.
I've been through this numerous times with my exah. He's been in and out of psych ward four times. It's usually because he is extremely paranoid and having audible hallucinations. ONe time he thought he was Jesus Christ. He's a really sick man.
He's been showing up at my house uninvited...off his rocker...for a few months now and I REALLY didnt want to air my dirty laundry at work. I was reluctant to call the Sheriff's Office because I work for them. Everywhere I might go to seek help requires me to admit to my "other world"...the one I've managed to keep under control and put up such a great front...that things aren't as great on the inside as I make them look from the outside.
After alot of prayerful reflection and a good long talk with my sponsor, I realized that my ego and pride were standing in the way of doing what was right. I had to admit that I can't handle this situation on my own any longer. It was foolish of me to try. But that's me...wonderwoman...I can handle it all myself. Ha!! yesterday I had to swallow my pride and seek outside help. I guess this was just one more opportunity that my HP has given me to practice humility.
He's gonig to be served with the Order today. I dont' think he would ever harm me our our son intentionally but I honestly dont' know what he is thinking or what the voices might tell him to do. I'm kind of scared. I realize this is just a piece of paper. But I cannot ...or maybe I WILL not...disrupt my life and the life of our son to move elsewhere. I couldn't afford to do this anyway. And my son needs stability. And honestly, so do I. I guess if things don't stop, I'll have to consider doing this at some point.
I'd appreciate your prayers for safety and that he finally leave our son and I alone.
The last straw was Tue night after dinner. My son was outside with his friends and I laid down in bed for a few minutes to rest. I must have dozed off for a minute or two. I woke up to find my exah standing over me in bed. I was in shock. I got up and walked into the kitchen to find TWO GALLONS of liquor on my counter. I asked exah what that was all about and why was he at my house and he said he thought we might sit down and "have a drink" and talk things over. He said he can drink now...because he knows everything...because he can talk to everyone...INCLUDING HIS DEAD PARENTS.
He said we could be together now and it would be better than ever because he knows everything. He understands everything. I was scared. I tried to remain calm. I stood by the back door and told him repeatedlly to leave. He finally did...after about 10 minutes. Luckily, when my son saw exah pull in, he ran across the street to my mother's house and waited until exah left...so he didnt' see anything...and wasn't exposed to it other than experiencing the fear I think he naturally feels at the sight of his dad these days.I've been through this numerous times with my exah. He's been in and out of psych ward four times. It's usually because he is extremely paranoid and having audible hallucinations. ONe time he thought he was Jesus Christ. He's a really sick man.
He's been showing up at my house uninvited...off his rocker...for a few months now and I REALLY didnt want to air my dirty laundry at work. I was reluctant to call the Sheriff's Office because I work for them. Everywhere I might go to seek help requires me to admit to my "other world"...the one I've managed to keep under control and put up such a great front...that things aren't as great on the inside as I make them look from the outside.
After alot of prayerful reflection and a good long talk with my sponsor, I realized that my ego and pride were standing in the way of doing what was right. I had to admit that I can't handle this situation on my own any longer. It was foolish of me to try. But that's me...wonderwoman...I can handle it all myself. Ha!! yesterday I had to swallow my pride and seek outside help. I guess this was just one more opportunity that my HP has given me to practice humility.
He's gonig to be served with the Order today. I dont' think he would ever harm me our our son intentionally but I honestly dont' know what he is thinking or what the voices might tell him to do. I'm kind of scared. I realize this is just a piece of paper. But I cannot ...or maybe I WILL not...disrupt my life and the life of our son to move elsewhere. I couldn't afford to do this anyway. And my son needs stability. And honestly, so do I. I guess if things don't stop, I'll have to consider doing this at some point.
I'd appreciate your prayers for safety and that he finally leave our son and I alone.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Good for you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. I am glad you decided that your and DS's safety are more important to you than maintaining appearances at work. Believe me, I know what you are talking about because I have been unable to hide my emotions at work these past few months. Thank goodness I am starting to get better.
I've included you and DS in my prayers this morning and will continue to do so. Be smart. And also, maybe talk to a DV counselor and get some information about DV to help you.
I've included you and DS in my prayers this morning and will continue to do so. Be smart. And also, maybe talk to a DV counselor and get some information about DV to help you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
(((((Outonalimb)))))
Good for you for doing the right thing. I can understand how hard that must have been because of where you work. Although I don't work quite as closely to that system as you do, I have many connections to the legal and judicial world due to my profession and exposing my other world when I filed a protection order was really difficult.
I think you are very strong and really have your head screwed on right. I appreciate how well you seem to balance standing up for yourself without demonizing him - but rather recognizing the reality and doing the right thing. Your son is very lucky to have you as his mom.
I am also willing to bet that this exposure to your "other world" and the revelation that you've been putting up a good front will bring you pleasant surprises. When some of my co-workers became aware of my circumstances, they were so kind. They acted just as I hope that I would if I discovered they were in a similar situation. These people know who you are and will not judge you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You are very much in my thoughts.
Extra hugs,
MamaKit
Good for you for doing the right thing. I can understand how hard that must have been because of where you work. Although I don't work quite as closely to that system as you do, I have many connections to the legal and judicial world due to my profession and exposing my other world when I filed a protection order was really difficult.
I think you are very strong and really have your head screwed on right. I appreciate how well you seem to balance standing up for yourself without demonizing him - but rather recognizing the reality and doing the right thing. Your son is very lucky to have you as his mom.
I am also willing to bet that this exposure to your "other world" and the revelation that you've been putting up a good front will bring you pleasant surprises. When some of my co-workers became aware of my circumstances, they were so kind. They acted just as I hope that I would if I discovered they were in a similar situation. These people know who you are and will not judge you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You are very much in my thoughts.
Extra hugs,
MamaKit
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