He's at it again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: cicero ny
Posts: 65
He's at it again
Last weekend I wrote about my AH drinking and staying out all night Friday night and then drinking all day Saturday. He stopped on Sunday because he knew my family was coming to dinner. After they left, we had a talk about what happened over the weekend. He said he went to a bachelor party??? and they were all doing shots and the next thing he knew he woke up in a motel room. He came home saturday morning at 6:30am. He said he was alone but I don't believe him. He has cheated many times and blamed it on his being too drunk to know what he was doing. I've been reading the messages about detachment and would like to know how to do it. I have threatend to leave him but he promised me he wouldn't drink any more. I work nights and get home at 3:00am. Guess what he did last night. Oh gee he drank. Why does he make these empty promises to me and why do I keep falling for them? I really need some help.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
amarie,
Detachment for me is putting some emotional distance between myself and the other person. It is also compassionate and respectful. We all have the right to make our own choices and just because we don't agree with what another person chooses does not remove their right to do so.
The benefits are that your AH will have to own his own behavior when you stop volunteering to take the blame by lecturing etc. And for you the benefit is being less emotionally attached to his every move.
Ward drinks too much and I really don't care as long as it doesn't come squarely in my face. Not coming home for me would be about boundaries.
Hugs,
JT
Detachment for me is putting some emotional distance between myself and the other person. It is also compassionate and respectful. We all have the right to make our own choices and just because we don't agree with what another person chooses does not remove their right to do so.
The benefits are that your AH will have to own his own behavior when you stop volunteering to take the blame by lecturing etc. And for you the benefit is being less emotionally attached to his every move.
Ward drinks too much and I really don't care as long as it doesn't come squarely in my face. Not coming home for me would be about boundaries.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hey amarie,
I would guess he's making the empty promises because he wants you to believe in him. And you fall for them because you want to believe in him.
Once you really recognize them as empty promises, I don't think you will believe in them anymore.
JT's description of detachment is great. It's hard to create emotional distance from someone you love. But it is possible, and sometimes necessary for the recovery of both people involved.
You'll get through all this, one step at a time.
Just remember to be good to yourself and lean on your friends when you need them.
Peace,
Gabe
I would guess he's making the empty promises because he wants you to believe in him. And you fall for them because you want to believe in him.
Once you really recognize them as empty promises, I don't think you will believe in them anymore.
JT's description of detachment is great. It's hard to create emotional distance from someone you love. But it is possible, and sometimes necessary for the recovery of both people involved.
You'll get through all this, one step at a time.
Just remember to be good to yourself and lean on your friends when you need them.
Peace,
Gabe
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