Courage to go to A.A.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
Courage to go to A.A.
Hey everyone, Hope you are having a good day, my thoughts are with those in the storm zones out east..
I just got through talking with a friend of mine who is in recovery and has been sober for something like 2.5 years. I ran into her right after I decided to get sober (and stay that way hopefully) a while back. Anyways, I've been to A.A. meetings in the past but found them terribly difficult as I got so upset and would cry and couldn't talk and all. It bothered me so much that I haven't gone back this time around although I read my big book, pamphlets, and work the program as best as I can, also go to counseling. So far so good. 60 days tomorrow and going strong. I even picked up my coin today from the A.A. bookstore and bought some more literature. I went in at 1 month for my first coin, which I was so happy to get. It still counts if I didn't obtain it at a meeting right?? I feel so proud to get that little coin but lately I've been feeling more and more alone. Sure there's plenty of people around me but no one in recovery. That's where my friend comes in. She told me on day 4 when I ran into her that she'd be happy to go with me and help find a good meeting for me and all. Well I've stayed in touch with her a bit and over the last couple weeks I'm finding more and more strength and desire to go. Tonight I told her so and she said she's go with me Thursday or Friday of this week or any week for that matter. One of the places is even in my neighborhood at a church.
The problem is, and why I'm writing to you guys, is that all the sudden sh*t just got real. I don't know if I can go through with it. I'm so scared to cry and all (and I've written about this fear in the past) that it completely turns me away from going. I know it's ok to cry and I know I don't have to talk but I'm still super scared. It's like all I want to do is meet some people, make some friends, and listen, perhaps share and be that much stronger for it. Maybe make my day easier right.. Ugh courage is so tricky. To have the courage to open the door is one thing, the courage to walk through it, sit down and stay a while completely another. I just don't know if I'm ready yet. Anyways thanks for listening, comments are always welcome, stay strong friends.
I just got through talking with a friend of mine who is in recovery and has been sober for something like 2.5 years. I ran into her right after I decided to get sober (and stay that way hopefully) a while back. Anyways, I've been to A.A. meetings in the past but found them terribly difficult as I got so upset and would cry and couldn't talk and all. It bothered me so much that I haven't gone back this time around although I read my big book, pamphlets, and work the program as best as I can, also go to counseling. So far so good. 60 days tomorrow and going strong. I even picked up my coin today from the A.A. bookstore and bought some more literature. I went in at 1 month for my first coin, which I was so happy to get. It still counts if I didn't obtain it at a meeting right?? I feel so proud to get that little coin but lately I've been feeling more and more alone. Sure there's plenty of people around me but no one in recovery. That's where my friend comes in. She told me on day 4 when I ran into her that she'd be happy to go with me and help find a good meeting for me and all. Well I've stayed in touch with her a bit and over the last couple weeks I'm finding more and more strength and desire to go. Tonight I told her so and she said she's go with me Thursday or Friday of this week or any week for that matter. One of the places is even in my neighborhood at a church.
The problem is, and why I'm writing to you guys, is that all the sudden sh*t just got real. I don't know if I can go through with it. I'm so scared to cry and all (and I've written about this fear in the past) that it completely turns me away from going. I know it's ok to cry and I know I don't have to talk but I'm still super scared. It's like all I want to do is meet some people, make some friends, and listen, perhaps share and be that much stronger for it. Maybe make my day easier right.. Ugh courage is so tricky. To have the courage to open the door is one thing, the courage to walk through it, sit down and stay a while completely another. I just don't know if I'm ready yet. Anyways thanks for listening, comments are always welcome, stay strong friends.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Meg
I've never been to an AA meeting but I know about being scared about stuff, and stuff getting real
One of life's great truisms is if we don't move, we stay in the same spot....and that same spot can get pretty fusty.
We all have that 'moment' - you already know what you need to do
Face your fear...take that leap of faith...and move forward.
D
I've never been to an AA meeting but I know about being scared about stuff, and stuff getting real
One of life's great truisms is if we don't move, we stay in the same spot....and that same spot can get pretty fusty.
We all have that 'moment' - you already know what you need to do
Face your fear...take that leap of faith...and move forward.
D
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Thanks for posting and being so honest. Good for you to be considering this next step. Steps move us forward!
It is easier said than done but I believe it is generally good for us to face our fears. I have heard a couple of things that help me with this. I am paraphrasing but they are something like:
1. Courage is not the absense of fear but acting in spite of it.
2. Being afraid of something is reason enough to do it.
Sounds like you are doing well. Hope you continue to take steps toward continued success.
It is easier said than done but I believe it is generally good for us to face our fears. I have heard a couple of things that help me with this. I am paraphrasing but they are something like:
1. Courage is not the absense of fear but acting in spite of it.
2. Being afraid of something is reason enough to do it.
Sounds like you are doing well. Hope you continue to take steps toward continued success.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
You already know that you can, all that is left is to do. You can do this, and after a few meetings with the right group, you'll be fine. I hated the first meeting I went to and thank goodness the great folks her told me the same thing your friend told you. Try several until you find the right group. I did and did. You can too, do!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Merseyside UK
Posts: 6
I am trying to get the courage to go too, it was hard to say aloud to family, that I was going, then I couldn't go. The next meeting near me is in 4 days. All kinds of questions going through my head, the unexpected and unfamiliar is scary. Then I am thinking, is AA right for me, is it religion led? Is it possible and beneficial to dip your toe in and go to one meeting? What if I don't go back, am I going to look like a failure to your loved ones...lots of thoughts and questions and fear. I am with you on this one.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
If you both read a lot here you will find you aren't alone. And yes you can go to one but I would say to try several meetings in different places. I did not like the first meeting I went to, but found a great group that fit.
You can go and not say a word. As far as making a commitment, I used them and credit them with being a big part of my early recovety. I left AA after three months of sobriety and used just here since. I left on great terms and still visit with my friends from there two years later. Point being they don't bite, and everyone there remebers when they first stopped in and had the same fears. If you read the others here that feared their first meeting, all of them were very pleasantly surprised.
I got what I needed from AA and appreciate them for being a large part in helping me to save my own life.
You can go and not say a word. As far as making a commitment, I used them and credit them with being a big part of my early recovety. I left AA after three months of sobriety and used just here since. I left on great terms and still visit with my friends from there two years later. Point being they don't bite, and everyone there remebers when they first stopped in and had the same fears. If you read the others here that feared their first meeting, all of them were very pleasantly surprised.
I got what I needed from AA and appreciate them for being a large part in helping me to save my own life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
It was super hard for me to walk into an AA meeting and honestly the first one didn't quite fit me... lucky for me there was one girl there that I striked up a conversation with and she went to several meeting with me. Finally I found one that fit me like a glove... it is a weekly womens meeting and their were tattooed, strong, and diverse women in that meeting. I found it super encouraging... and I loved it. I was so grateful for it. For a very long time the GOD of my understanding became this Group of Drunks (get it GOD.. of AA.
Good luck in flnding the one that fits you like a glove.
Don't worry about the courage when you find where you fit in... it will be like finding home... but, sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one.
of AA. Good luck in flnding the one that fits you like a glove.
Don't worry about the courage when you find where you fit in... it will be like finding home... but, sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
How great for you meg that you have a friend to go with you to a meeting.
Pleased dont be scared to go.You dont need to speak at all,you can just sit and listen. It is so much easier to stay sober when you get a support network of people around you.
Conratulations on your 60days.
I put off going to AA for a long time,I could always stop drinking,but I could never stay stopped.AA opened up a new way of life for me.
Pleased dont be scared to go.You dont need to speak at all,you can just sit and listen. It is so much easier to stay sober when you get a support network of people around you.
Conratulations on your 60days.
I put off going to AA for a long time,I could always stop drinking,but I could never stay stopped.AA opened up a new way of life for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
That is great you have a friend to go with. I know that would have helped me a great deal.
When I first started going I darted in for the meeting and then basically ran out when it was done. I talked with no one, sat in a corner of the room. I was terrified, still trying to figure out how I managed to get myself here and frankly, po'd about it.
I did get a sponsor eventually and that helped immensely. I met people and stopped acting like a recluse at meetings.
Sharing at meetings? Oh that was also a huge step. I wouldn't do it at first. Then I would, but I felt like I was having a heart attack when I spoke.
I do share now, and I try to share what is going on with me and how the steps are giving me relief. I have cried recently in a meeting and I hated it. I don't like for people to see me cry, but somehow I knew it needed to happen.
And I felt so much better afterwards. The support afterwards was amazing.
Do as much as you feel comfortable and give yourself little pushes. Baby steps.
When I first started going I darted in for the meeting and then basically ran out when it was done. I talked with no one, sat in a corner of the room. I was terrified, still trying to figure out how I managed to get myself here and frankly, po'd about it.
I did get a sponsor eventually and that helped immensely. I met people and stopped acting like a recluse at meetings.
Sharing at meetings? Oh that was also a huge step. I wouldn't do it at first. Then I would, but I felt like I was having a heart attack when I spoke.
I do share now, and I try to share what is going on with me and how the steps are giving me relief. I have cried recently in a meeting and I hated it. I don't like for people to see me cry, but somehow I knew it needed to happen.
And I felt so much better afterwards. The support afterwards was amazing.
Do as much as you feel comfortable and give yourself little pushes. Baby steps.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm not an AA member, but I sure do remember be so scared when I stopped drinking, trying to figure out a way to move forward. I hope you do whatever it takes. And, SR has been a lifeline for me, so I hope you continue to read and post.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
One thing Ive learned about courage is that most of the time I dont realize I have the courage to do something until I have done it. I seldom feel courageous going into something I am afraid of. It takes a leap of faith. Give it a shot. I am sure you won't be disappointed and it will get easier and easier.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
The great thing, I've found, is that when I go to meetings and cry or express whatever else is going on, I am surrounded by people who completely get it. And the loneliness fades. I've got people who get it and I don't even have to try to explain myself, like I would with non-recovering alcoholics!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by Itchy 
You already know that you can, all that is left is to do. You can do this, and after a few meetings with the right group, you'll be fine. I hated the first meeting I went to and thank goodness the great folks her told me the same thing your friend told you. Try several until you find the right group. I did and did. You can too, do!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I use my recovery program for, selfish reasons,
if you call it that way, but it is for me to help me
stay sober each day. I can't speak for anyone else,
but only me, my own experiences in recovery.
I had to learn that I cant worry about what others
think or what they say or believe. And believe me,
the way I was raised I always and still do worry. ALOT.
BUT.....and that's a big but, I have to focus on
what is important to help me stay sober. I had
and still have to go to any lengths to stay sober,
in order to remain happy, honest and content in
my life.
I learned that no one will worry about my own
recovery, sobriety more so than I. People have
their own agendas and worries in their own life
than to constantly worry what I do, what I say,
what I look like and so on.
I began my recovery in rehab after my caring
family stepped in to get me help when they didnt
know how to help me themselves. They placed
me in the hands of those who deal with addictions
and had the answers my family didnt have. So in a
28 day rehab I got educated about alcoholism and
my dependency on it. How it affected my life and
those around me. I took those tools and knowledge
with me when released and that was when the ball
was in my own court. It was up to me to do what
ever I needed to stay sober each day. Even if it
meant taking my little kids with me to sit in the
back of an AA meeting in order to hear the messages
of hope that if many of those folks in recovery learned
to stay sober for as long as they have, then I could too.
And I did and still do.
I began my journey on 8-11-90 which is a many
one days at a time added together to get me where
I am today. Each step I take, each experience I
encounter I apply the steps and principles of recovery
to it and make another day sober.
My recovery in life is a journey filled with unexpenctancies
and staying sober to face each of them is sometimes
a challenge, but I learn from them and pass it on to
newcomers. Just like losing one of my loveable cats
who passed away this past Sunday. Sure, if I were to
not have a recovery program in place that Ive been
living for the past 22 yrs, im pretty sure I would have
drowned my sorrows with endless bottles of wine and
died.
What ever you need to do today, what ever will help
you stay sober, what ever tool in recovery you need
to use to help you not drink or use today, selfishly do
it for you. In doing so then you can be useful, helpful,
honest in all your affairs and to those around you.
Use your recovery to your own advantage to be the
best person you can possibly be in life today then
pass on you experiences, strengths and hopes to
others struggling with addiction.
if you call it that way, but it is for me to help me
stay sober each day. I can't speak for anyone else,
but only me, my own experiences in recovery.
I had to learn that I cant worry about what others
think or what they say or believe. And believe me,
the way I was raised I always and still do worry. ALOT.
BUT.....and that's a big but, I have to focus on
what is important to help me stay sober. I had
and still have to go to any lengths to stay sober,
in order to remain happy, honest and content in
my life.
I learned that no one will worry about my own
recovery, sobriety more so than I. People have
their own agendas and worries in their own life
than to constantly worry what I do, what I say,
what I look like and so on.
I began my recovery in rehab after my caring
family stepped in to get me help when they didnt
know how to help me themselves. They placed
me in the hands of those who deal with addictions
and had the answers my family didnt have. So in a
28 day rehab I got educated about alcoholism and
my dependency on it. How it affected my life and
those around me. I took those tools and knowledge
with me when released and that was when the ball
was in my own court. It was up to me to do what
ever I needed to stay sober each day. Even if it
meant taking my little kids with me to sit in the
back of an AA meeting in order to hear the messages
of hope that if many of those folks in recovery learned
to stay sober for as long as they have, then I could too.
And I did and still do.
I began my journey on 8-11-90 which is a many
one days at a time added together to get me where
I am today. Each step I take, each experience I
encounter I apply the steps and principles of recovery
to it and make another day sober.
My recovery in life is a journey filled with unexpenctancies
and staying sober to face each of them is sometimes
a challenge, but I learn from them and pass it on to
newcomers. Just like losing one of my loveable cats
who passed away this past Sunday. Sure, if I were to
not have a recovery program in place that Ive been
living for the past 22 yrs, im pretty sure I would have
drowned my sorrows with endless bottles of wine and
died.
What ever you need to do today, what ever will help
you stay sober, what ever tool in recovery you need
to use to help you not drink or use today, selfishly do
it for you. In doing so then you can be useful, helpful,
honest in all your affairs and to those around you.
Use your recovery to your own advantage to be the
best person you can possibly be in life today then
pass on you experiences, strengths and hopes to
others struggling with addiction.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
meg, good on ya for sharing yer concerns and also awesome on ya for readign and studying all of the literature.. do you by chance know what the fear is of? from what i read, it looks like fear of rejection brought on by low self esteem? concerned of what others will think of you maybe?
i cried quite often when i got into AA. even had it happen again 13 months in. all i got formt he fellowship was help, support, and the solution. i also got true friends in the process.
i cried quite often when i got into AA. even had it happen again 13 months in. all i got formt he fellowship was help, support, and the solution. i also got true friends in the process.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
You are a runner so I have a question. Are you going to run a marathon with no practice? I think not. It is the same with AA. You do not have to say a darn word if you do not want to. Just go to meetings, get comfortable, if you feel like sharing fine, if not there is always another meeting.
If you do shed a tear you will not be the first one. I have shed many. I numbed my emotions for so long that when I sobered up they all came flooding back in. This is a good thing because for the first time in a long time I was feeling again.
You will do fine and the fear is in your head not in reality. As my tag line says I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons. This is essiental in recovery but it happens over years not days
If you do shed a tear you will not be the first one. I have shed many. I numbed my emotions for so long that when I sobered up they all came flooding back in. This is a good thing because for the first time in a long time I was feeling again.
You will do fine and the fear is in your head not in reality. As my tag line says I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons. This is essiental in recovery but it happens over years not days
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Central Kansas
Posts: 175
Meg-
7 60 days! Woo Hoo! Congrats!
I'm right there with you. I haven't decided whether to go to the noon meeting or the evening meeting to pick up my coin. (Maybe both
)
I too was afraid to go to AA Meetings. In fact the first one I went to I cried (I was a mess and I absolutely hate crying in front of people) Thankfully, they did all the talking, allowing me to just listen. That first meeting was 1 1/2 years ago.
During that, 1 1/2 years... I relapsed 3 times. I was embarrassed and ashamed which made it much harder for me to go back to the meetings.
Determined as I was/am to beat this "demon" I went back anyway. Of course they welcomed me back. However, I felt a little out of place with this group. They are a wonderful group of sober "drunks", (as they called themselves) but a little too rough around the edges for me. I didn't feel that my needs were being met to the fullest.
We have 2 different meeting places here in my "little" city, so I decided to try the other one. My Sponsor met me there, which made it much easier for me to go in. (I actually found my Sponsor at work, not at AA meetings) I can't help but believe there must have been some kind of intervention from someone above that brought us together in our workplace.
It took me about a month to overcome my fear of walking in. The reason it took that long is because everytime I went there was always new faces I didn't recognize. Now I am getting to know the "regulars" and have become very comfortable with them. In fact when I go to these meetings I feel I am at home. I leave there feeling better then when I went in.
Every AA Meeting Place has a "personality" all their own. Finding the one that suits your needs and personality can make all the difference in the world towards your recovery. Once you find it the fear subsides, before you know it you'll find you can't wait for the next one.
I found we also have a Women's Meeting every Monday Night. I plan on starting that next week.
If AA was religious based...I would not have gone/or continue to go. I have seen enough BS in the name of "religion" that has turned me off to it. However AA is Spiritually based. For me it is helping me to reconnect with my HP on a one to one basis. It is through having a personal intimate relationship with him that "anything is possible" to achieve.
I guess I'm starting to ramble on...You can do it Meg!
7 60 days! Woo Hoo! Congrats!I'm right there with you. I haven't decided whether to go to the noon meeting or the evening meeting to pick up my coin. (Maybe both
)I too was afraid to go to AA Meetings. In fact the first one I went to I cried (I was a mess and I absolutely hate crying in front of people) Thankfully, they did all the talking, allowing me to just listen. That first meeting was 1 1/2 years ago.
During that, 1 1/2 years... I relapsed 3 times. I was embarrassed and ashamed which made it much harder for me to go back to the meetings.
Determined as I was/am to beat this "demon" I went back anyway. Of course they welcomed me back. However, I felt a little out of place with this group. They are a wonderful group of sober "drunks", (as they called themselves)
but a little too rough around the edges for me. I didn't feel that my needs were being met to the fullest.We have 2 different meeting places here in my "little" city, so I decided to try the other one. My Sponsor met me there, which made it much easier for me to go in. (I actually found my Sponsor at work, not at AA meetings) I can't help but believe there must have been some kind of intervention from someone above that brought us together in our workplace.
It took me about a month to overcome my fear of walking in. The reason it took that long is because everytime I went there was always new faces I didn't recognize. Now I am getting to know the "regulars" and have become very comfortable with them. In fact when I go to these meetings I feel I am at home. I leave there feeling better then when I went in.
Every AA Meeting Place has a "personality" all their own. Finding the one that suits your needs and personality can make all the difference in the world towards your recovery. Once you find it the fear subsides, before you know it you'll find you can't wait for the next one.
I found we also have a Women's Meeting every Monday Night. I plan on starting that next week.
If AA was religious based...I would not have gone/or continue to go. I have seen enough BS in the name of "religion" that has turned me off to it. However AA is Spiritually based. For me it is helping me to reconnect with my HP on a one to one basis. It is through having a personal intimate relationship with him that "anything is possible" to achieve.
I guess I'm starting to ramble on...You can do it Meg!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
Wow thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. You guys are awesome, I'm so glad I found this group. I'm still thinking about going, I'm almost positive it will depend on how I feel that day. If I feel full of anxiety and fear I won't go but if I feel strong and think I can take on anything I will. Someone asked what was I so afraid of: I don't quite know for sure but a big part is the crying thing. I know it's dumb but I hate crying in public like one or two of you guys said. I guess it's my pride. I mean, I already feel weak for being an alcoholic, I surrender my pride through honesty on these forums and vent my worries and frustrations, I go see a counselor because I can't manage my problems on my own.. Here it's easy to say what we feel, you guys don't see me and don't know me. Being in a group with people looking at you and then see you breakdown and cry.. How much more self respect do I have to lose? How much more courage do I have to dig deep down for. Because some days I'm really tired of digging. Hope that makes sense. Anyways I'll keep you guys posted if and when I go. May not be till next week sometime. Thanks and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi Meg.
I remember my first meeting very well. I was a nervous wreck. I sat in my car outside watching others go in. I didn't have anyone to go with so I logged onto SR on my phone and got strength from that.
It was walking through the door that was the hardest part for me. I had no idea what to expect, but I was greeted by people who were just like me and they made me feel so welcome. I didn't share except to say my name. Months later and I still don't share much, maybe 6 times in the past 7 months. I listen and I learn. I ask questions afterwards if I haven't understood.
I was desperate to get sober. Now I'm desperate to stay sober, so I'm working through the steps with my sponsor.
It took me walking through that door to start the ball rolling to change my life.
Don't be afraid. Every single one of those people have once been in your shoes. They want to help. It keeps them sober.
Crying is ok, I've seen plenty of that.
Good luck to you xxx
I remember my first meeting very well. I was a nervous wreck. I sat in my car outside watching others go in. I didn't have anyone to go with so I logged onto SR on my phone and got strength from that.
It was walking through the door that was the hardest part for me. I had no idea what to expect, but I was greeted by people who were just like me and they made me feel so welcome. I didn't share except to say my name. Months later and I still don't share much, maybe 6 times in the past 7 months. I listen and I learn. I ask questions afterwards if I haven't understood.
I was desperate to get sober. Now I'm desperate to stay sober, so I'm working through the steps with my sponsor.
It took me walking through that door to start the ball rolling to change my life.
Don't be afraid. Every single one of those people have once been in your shoes. They want to help. It keeps them sober.
Crying is ok, I've seen plenty of that.
Good luck to you xxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
