Broken87

Hi all,

My bf is in rehab for a meth addiction, Wed will be one month since he went in. First 2 weeks were amazing he really seemed to be taking advantage of the center's resources. He was telling me how he was glad he was there b/c he was learning a lot and he decided to stay b/c of me but he's also doing it for himself etc. He talked about possibly staying the whole 90 days and then doing sober living. So any who at the end of week 2 he started acting weird again when he called, he was angry. Not angry with me but in general, the things he was angry about when binging. He said he felt like leaving rehab, b/c he doesn't like how they run it. He said he didn't want to do sober living after all. Then again week 3 he said he was going to try and stay another 30 days. He was scared but was going to try it. This made me so happy. But then when I saw him on Sunday, he was acting a little upset again. And I'm no expert on drugs (never have touched them) but I've been doing A LOT of research. And if I'm pretty sure I saw a few track marks on his arm/hand. Also he got a home pass, so before leaving his house he got about 8 ink pens and took them with him. Again I'm no expert but I have read they use pen cartridges to inhale or hide meth. So I could be acting a little paranoid, I mean he is still in rehab. But I am extremely concerned. I don't want to be wasting my time! I love him and I'm very supportive, but I told him if he doesn't try and doesn't want to get better I'm out. Not because I don't love him enough, but b/c I will not let him drag me down.
Ok so the real question here is, should I approach him about my suspicions? or should I just drop it? He told me a couple wks ago that he really wants to rebuild our trust and if I ever have any questions to just ask. But I'm afraid I'll alienate him if I ask about the pens etc. What do you all suggest I do?
Thanks in advance. Xx.

laurie6781

Well ...................................... his recent actions say several things

The confusion of one week up and one week down is very common whether they are
in a rehab or just going to meetings.

Believe your gut, if you think you saw frest track marks you probably did.

8 pens? yep it's to hide or inhale.

You know if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it is probably a duck.

I would suggest that you step back and WATCH his actions and see if they match
his words. His ACTIONS will tell you where he is at.

It is his decision of what he will do when he leaves rehab or gets kicked out. It
will be a bit easier for you if you continue to work on you with counseling and/or
Alanon or Naranon.

Please Keep posting here and letting us know how you are doing as we do care so
much.

Love and hugs,

Broken87

Thank you Laurie! <3

But what exactly do you mean by watch his actions? I mean I only see him on Sunday's.
Like I said it's up and down every week, but like you said it's like that with anyone and that's why I didn't think much of it and just tried to be supportive but after what I saw this past Sunday; well I'm just really confused and hurt. So should I not ask about the "track marks" or pens?

Thanks.

mstrust

I have asked my boyfriend about track marks and heard every excuse there is and been made to feel nuts for even asking. I wouldn't expect the truth if you did ask. I think you can see by his actions because when people get serious about treatment and recovery, their behavior is a lot different than what you are describing. Even over the phone you could probably tell. If you look in cynical one's blogs there is one about how to tell if an addict is serious about recovery...and how to tell if a codie is serious about recovery, for that matter. i found reading cynical one's blogs immensely helpful.

mstrust

Here it is:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

newnormal4me

I was going to simply say "actions speak louder than words"...but Laurie essentially beat me to it. Lol

No sense in asking him. It will be a crapshoot on getting the truth. The evidence looks to be there.

I'd take Laurie's advice and take a step back. He has a long way to go. Focus on yourself for a while. Supportive is great and all...but doesn't really do a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. I would rather my loved one choose to get off drugs because THEY want to and not do it for me or anyone else.

I say this with compassion...my husband was addicted to meth before he moved to other stuff. It is a nasty and scary drug. My support didn't get him clean, just allowed for him to drag me in his mud for years. And this after many loving years of marriage! And two beautiful children! You are 8 months in. I would make a suggestion to do some major soul searching for yourself. You sound like a sweet person. I'm sorry you are having to go through this! Hugs...

Broken87

Thanks all. The replies mean a whole lot. Xx.

devastated

Hi Broken:

When he comes back from home pass, they usually test them right? Well, if he tests positive they will kick him out! So, if that happens you'll have your answer. In the meantime, if you feel he's using, you can always trust your gut! How many times I suspected, but gave him the benefit of the doubt just to find out I had the right to suspect!

Did he go in the rehab because he wanted to or because he was sent there by court? makes a difference.

My son went because he finally wanted to, loved it immediately, wanted to stay longer as well, went into sober living afterwards; however, the sober living place left much to be desired. He said it was really filthy!

Here's a guy that complained about the thread count on pillow case in prison! LOL Now, he's married to a great gal and just for today he's doing great!

Hugs, Devastated

Broken87

Thank you for the reply devastated! He decided to do rehab after his parents and I had a little intervention with him. He was quite upset the day he went in but decided he was going to give it a try. Like I said week 1 and 2 were awesome. And then I started noticing changes in him, negativity. So I just want answers. They do drug test them when they get back but I even heard one of the guys there saying one day how there's ways of cheating a pee test etc. I really just want to ask him about my suspicions. It'll give me peace of mind. Should I? I mean from everyones experiences with an addict and what not, will this be a bad move? He's never been upset with me or disrespected me or yelled. Nothing like that and like I mentioned, he told me a couple of wks ago to ask him anything I'd like if it'll help with me trusting him again. Sorry! I feel like I'm being this annoying dumb girl. I just have such big heart! :/

devastated

Boy that's a hard call. My son would always be really angry when I would ask him. It really doesn't make much sense to ask anyway because if they are using they would lie about it. If they didn't use, they would become indignant about your asking, it's not a win-win situation.

I would just go with my gut. I was hoping he put himself in because that's what he wanted. However, whatever works to get him there. Don't forget each time they go into a rehab, they pick up a tool. One day, hopefully, they will use the tools.

Yes, they can cheat; however, they most always end up getting caught! You'll know if he does because they'll toss him out.

Keep the faith. There is always hope.

Hugs, Devastated

Sueski

Believe your gut. Your gut knows more than your brain or your heart.

Broken87

I get that, but what good will my gut feeling do. He said I can ask anything, so I'm just going to risk it and ask. Yeah, I know he'll probably lie. But no more Miss. Nice girl. Imma put my foot down. And just tell him how I feel. Hopefully at least 10% of what I say matters.

Sueski

I think the value in trusting your gut is that he may try to bs you but you won't bs yourself.

I have my husband's vehicle today. Before taking it, I asked if all the bottles were cleaned out and he said yes. Later, he basically told me to leave his stuff in the back alone because it was a mess and there was work stuff in there. Okay, would that be because all the bottles are NOT out of it? Why, yes, that would be the reason. And what will I do about it? Probably nothing, but at least I'm not kidding myself about the state of truth here. Is this the 'right' thing? I dunno.

Broken87

Hi all! I could be a dummy! I really don't know anymore.. but I saw him today and trust him that the marks I saw weren't track marks. He said he didn't slam meth. He snorted/smoked. He looked real good though. Said the reason he wants to leave the center is b/c they're back to basics which means he's going to have to repeat everything he did the first 30 days for someone else mistakes (guys got kicked out for painkillers this past wknd.) Which means his next 30 would be pretty wasteful as he'll be learning the same tools etc from his first 30 days. He's head of house. So that has to say he's doing something right. Right? He did say if they don't change his treatment plan and keep him at basics, he will leave. However he plans on going to sober living and doing 12 step meetings (and asked of I would go with him), he also asked if I wanted him to set up couples counseling to help me cope with this whole thing and to rebuild our trust etc. So I mean idk, seems like he's really trying. He's just really frustrated by the whole "basics" thing. Thank you all for the wonderful support/advice. Xx.
FAITH.

suki44883

Are you going to nar-anon or al-anon meetings? They will be better for YOU than couples counseling. His recovery is on him. You don't need to be going to meetings with him, you need to work on your own recovery...separate from his.

Broken87

Yes, I'm going to NA

suki44883

NA as in narcotics anonymous, or nar-anon? NA is for the addict. Nar-anon and al-anon are for the family/friends of the addict.

Broken87

Sorry, Nar-Anon ; ) I was just too lazy to type it out.

hello-kitty

Broken, if you focus as much energy on yourself and your own personal growth, as your are focusing on your boyfriend's recovery, I'm sure you will have a very successful, happy future, no matter what path he chooses when makes when he gets out of rehab.

devastated

I agree with the others, you need to let him work on him and forget the couples thing for now. So what if he has to repeat the first 30 days again? It shouldn't matter if he has to repeat it.
Yes, I think it is good that he is head of house. They must be trusting him for some reason.
Still, I think you should wait on the couples counseling for now.

Hugs, Devastated