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Someone shoot me now!!!

Old 10-29-2012, 03:30 PM
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Someone shoot me now!!!

Well I just got home from a meeting which I didn't want to go to in the first place I made myself go and I think everyone new I was in a mood there was no room for me in the circle so I sat at the back outside the circle and had a face like a slapped ass and no one came and spoke to me. And all the way through I just didn't want to be there and hear the same stuff and hearing the same jokes and all the fake laughs at every meeting I go to which is getting annoying now. And at the end when they all stood up and held hands to say that prayer I didn't join in I just stayed at the back like I wasn't even there. I don't want to work the steps, I don't want a sponsor, I don't want to talk to people and I don't want to share me experiences, I just want to get drunk and get rid of all these feelings and live anxiety and fear free. Sorry if this sounds bad but its the way I feel. Maybe I am just an arrogant git.
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:40 PM
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You sounds like most of us at one time or another Dan

I don't actually think AA is your problem at all - the problem is right here:

I just want to get drunk and get rid of all these feelings and live anxiety and fear free.
I presume you've been drinking for years - you know drinking doesn't get rid of the feelings, and it doesn't let you live anxiety or fear free.

It's not the answer.

we can't live fear and anxiety free just by wishing it either - iot takes work, time, and a little patience.

I think you know that too

If AA is really not your thing? then fine. Find something else be it SMART or SOS or LifeRing, or Rational Recovery.

But do work towards your goal - don't give up.

Drinking is worse than doing nothing - it's not simply accepting the status quo of your life, it's making it worse.

D
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:43 PM
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Without wanting to sound harsh Dan. You know drinking is only going to give you more problems than you already have. Why did you go to a meeting if you didn't want to go? And like Dee has said there are loads of other recovery methods out there for you to look at.
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:51 PM
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Dan, lookup AVRT on google. AA is awsome for many people. But people are not all the same, we each are unique. You must find your way dude. Mind if I call you dude? ;-)
Just don't drink, not worth it and it won't fix nothin
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:02 PM
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I just want to get drunk and get rid of all these feelings and live anxiety and fear free.
Problem is you won't be living free of anxiety, and fear. These things will still be there as the drink will only make them worse. Drinking causes problems, it doesn't solve them.

I really don't think you want that, or you would never have stopped in the first place. Keep at it you can do this.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:04 PM
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Hello Dan
I just wanted to thank you for your honesty in your post. It takes guts to actually express what you did "out loud". You are allowed to get angry and cranky. Everyone feels that way sometimes, even people who have never touched alcohol in their lives.
I do, however, take it as a positive sign that you decided to share with us here, rather than with a drink.
Well done. Keep up your hard work.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:11 PM
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Amen Hopscotch

Dan bud!
if you are gonna drink you throw away all the pixed off moments including today's, along with the triumphs.

Think it all through man! Hey I stopped going to AA at three months and spent most of my time here for the past three years.

Read and re-read Dee's post a few times until you have it.

You can use SMART and counseling and rehab or whatever.

Or not. AA is only the perfect solution for some, as is AVRT and SMART!

I liked drinking when it was voluntary, not at all when it became mandatory!

Dan, if you are gonna drink you are gonna drink. Then you will go through all this again or die from alcohol. I think you are smart enough to try again later if you drink now. But then you have to go through this again at some point. Why not decide that you are going to lick this, and stay the course for just a year or two. Get a doc to treat the depression and the anxiety, knowing your history honestly, and get your self a piece of the peace.

You deserve a piece of the peace.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:11 PM
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Dan, I think you will find that drinking will not continue to get rid of the feelings of anxiety and fear for very long. In fact, for me, the anxiety and fear increased a lot when I was drinking.

However you decide to get sober, I hope you find what works for you. And, SR is a great place to come for inspiration.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:22 PM
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I want to commend you for your honesty. I like it when people are straight up about what’s going on. I have a hunch you may have some degree of depression. This may be what you refer to as being in “a mood”. Hard to tell unless you get an evaluation for it. It might be worth the effort.

You also might consider saying just what you did here, in a meeting. It might not be what everyone wants to hear but I think you may find a few that deeply appreciate the honesty expressed. I do.

BTW, I don’t find you arrogant in the least.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:22 PM
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Hello everyone thanks for all the replies. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic then if I'm the only one who thinks drink gets rid of my fear and anxiety? I dunno I will sleep on it see how I feel in the morning. I hope everyone here is doing ok
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:23 PM
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A face like a slapped ass!

Oh my God Dan,
You had me laughing out loud with that one!
Hang in there buddy.
With that humour, we want you to keep coming back!
I have been where you are.
How long are you off drink?
Do you have any friends in AA.
Sometimes, at the beginning especially, it's the meeting after the meeting that does the most good.
Hugs, Anne
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:28 PM
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One more thing.
We, (my drinking buddies and I) when it was relatively still enjoyable had a word for the feeling of dread and horror the morning after the night before.
THE FEAR!
So, yea the anxiety and depression are definitely worse after drink.
Yes, technically, the drink gets rid of it.
But have you such wealth and household help that you can afford to stay in the bag every waking hour?
That's what you have to do after a certain point.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:38 PM
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Hope you get a good sleep and feel better tomorrow, just relax and dont worry about anything, just dont drink today
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:44 PM
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Maybe I'm not an alcoholic then if I'm the only one who thinks drink gets rid of my fear and anxiety?
Does it tho? The best it ever did for me was push it to one side maybe for a few hours at best - then the shame and guilt of drinking made the anxiety and fear 10X worse.

The scariest bit is when, eventually, alcohol starts to fail to work at all....and it will.
You don't want to go there Dan.

D
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Dan23 View Post
Hello everyone thanks for all the replies. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic then if I'm the only one who thinks drink gets rid of my fear and anxiety? I dunno I will sleep on it see how I feel in the morning. I hope everyone here is doing ok
Oh Dan I know it really shouldn't but this made me chuckle. I really hope you figure out what to do and come to terms with who you are. And I wish you the very best in doing so.
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Old 10-29-2012, 06:23 PM
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Until you want to quit AA ain't gonna do much for you. If you do want to quit don't give up on sobriety because your not into AA, a lot of people aren't it's okay. But if your not working AA it only get harder because you don't have anyone holding you acountable or supporting your sobriety and encouraging you to get clean. It sounds like you want your recovery to be yours alone and nobody elses business, I feel the same way. I don't like telling strangers about personal matters besides my therapist, and AA has a lot of brutally honest people with motor mouths who won't sugar coat anything for you. Honestly dude if you can't quit on your own then what are you going to do? Maybe changing your attitude or going to different meetings by help you out. Or you could quit by yourself and then you wouldn't ever have to go to AA. But if you find yourself continually drinking in misery, choose AA, it's a better option than that for sure.
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Old 10-29-2012, 07:45 PM
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no, dan, yer not the only one who thinks a drink will get rid of fear and anxiety. i did it many times. when i got into AA, i saw the truth behind just how good that didnt work. in others owords, it didnt work for crap. i was only rationalizing it.
my problems are with the person in my mirror. that is also where the solution.

so no one came and spoke to ya. did you do any footwork, like get up and talk to anyone else and/or mention what was goin on with ya?

this has been a great reminder to me of just how many people want to join me in a pity party.

IMO, it is pride, ego, and arrogance. do you want to stay that way or would you like to live with the rest of us and not be a part of the glum lot?
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Old 10-30-2012, 12:16 AM
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Drinking used to seem like a great way to get away from anxiety, pain, and fear. It stopped working so well. I still sometimes think that drinking would help reduce stress, and it's true that I stop caring about lots of things when drinking. But drinking also leads to misery for me. I am much happier sober.

I go to meetings off and on. I tend to be shy, so I just try to talk a little to people who I am sitting next to. I also remind myself that the more I go to the same meeting, the more likely I will meet people there and feel more comfortable there. I also find that some meetings feel like a good fit for me, and other meetings do not feel right for me. Look around until you find what works for you. Remember there are lots of ways to stay sober.
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