KKE

Hi there

So I have been living with my partners addiction for four years now. In the last two years his coping strategy has been to run away for a few days and go on benders. I wouldnt know where he is and it really was a waiting game for him to come home and assess the damage.

Last year he walked out on me, said he couldn't cope. He went to his mums. We still saw each other but it was up and down. He came back four months later saying that he had blamed me for a lot of things he shouldn't have etc. it didn't take long for his drinking to get out of control again and the cycle started again, on the wagon, off the wagon, running away, blaming me etc.

A month or so ago I got him to go and get help from our local drug and alcohol service. He stopped work for a while, and I supported him. I facilitated his one week home detox, even paid for someone to be here during the day while I was at work. The weekend of the detox (he took his sunday meds on Saturday) on the Saturday he started saying things like: I bring his anxiety levels up (his nurse has said he has an underlying anxiety issue), I do his head in, I don't make him happy and I am part of the reason for his drinking. It was an emotional roller coaster for a few days of him saying stuff like that then putting it down to stress. On the Tuesday (3days into recovery so no meds or drink) I got home and he had left. He said his head is messed up and I bring on his problems. He said that I am controlling. I told him I had to be because I was living with an alcoholic and was scared we wouldn't have money to pay bills etc if he had free reign of the finances etc.

It's been two weeks since he has left, he keeps saying he loves me but his head is screwed up. We were meant to meet yesterday to talk but he called and said his anxiety levels were up and he couldn't face me. He kept saying "I know you're going to go mental and I can't deal with it" he also said "you probably don't care but my anxiety is really high".

Help..... I am heartbroken....

artsoul

Welcome KKE!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Living with an alcoholic is hard - it creates a lot of chaos in the lives of people around them. I'm glad you're here and I hope you check out the section for Family/Friends of Alcoholics:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Please know that you are not to blame for his drinking (or his anxiety). Have you ever been to AlAnon?

least

I don't know as I'd want to wait for someone who was always behaving badly and blaming me for it. If it were me I'd let him have his space to do as he pleased. I am nobody's emotional punching bag and you aren't either. You deserve better than to be treated that way.

Please have a look at our friends and families forum. Lots of wisdom there.

Welcome to SR.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

KKE

Thank you for your replies. I will definitely check out the family forum too. This is the first time I have ever been on anything like this so it's all new!

I went to my first alanon meeting today.... Wasn't relating too well to the god stuff but once the group started talking it was like they had read my mind. I cried through most of it.

I just find it so hurtful that he always chooses to reject and distance himself from me. I am always the person he lashes out at and I am always looking at my behaviour and questioning if it really is me that has bought on his anxiety which in turn causes him to drink.

KKE

I've reported this in friends and family forum now. Thank you.