notwastinglife

I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for about two years at this point. I am planning on leaving in the next two weeks, but I do not know how to do it. Someone told me I should take everything I own out of his house (I live with him) and meet him for breakfast the next morning to explain. I don't know if this is the best way.
My relationship with him started right after I had ended a one and a half year relationship. I didn't have a lot of experience dating, and I was a little bit too obsessed with him - which I know is always a bad way to start a relationship. I ended up looking past many of his faults for a long time.
For a while, he hid the drinking. As the relationship progressed, he started to drink a lot more, and I, as a stupid college student, was drinking with him. I thought we were just having a good time, and I didn't ever feel the need to drink. I still don't - though I do enjoy an occasional beer or glass of wine.
About a year in, I realized how bad his drinking was. I would find him passed out on the floor with an empty bottle sitting next to him, and he would deny he was drunk - even as he got up and stumbled around the room. I didn't understand it. Worse, he would talk about how useless life is, how life is pointless, and he would talk about ending his life. He told me that, without me, he would have killed himself a long time ago. He still often talks like this when he's drunk. At first, I would cry and beg him to stop talking about it, but he wouldn't. Now, I feel like I've become very cynical, and, when he talks this way about life - and his life specifically - I don't really listen. I try to tune it out. I've heard it so many times, and I don't want to upset myself by catering to his pity party. It sounds callous, but that's the way it is for me.
He has never actually hit me, but he has thrown things at me, he pressures me sexually - once into anal sex - and he once locked me out of the house. I don't know how to end this. I am going to end it, but I don't know how. Even though I've been making terrible decisions, I know that this one is a good decision, and it has to be my decision. Does anyone have any advice about specific ways that have worked for them in ending a relationship life this? He's very nice when he's sober, and I know I'm going to be telling the sober him - not the drunk him. It's almost like multiple personality disorder - except the personalities are limited to two. It seems that you always end up really hurting the good side.

Dee74

Hi notwastinglife

I'm sorry for your situation.

I have no experience to share myself but I know others will.

I also really recommend you check out our Family and Friends forums - you'll find a,lot of experience support and help with these kinds of questions there too:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

zanzibar

Welcome notwastinglife I never left my wife for reasons I won't get into but I came close a number of times. I think your first course of action would be to consult with a lawyer in order to do it legally, and with minimal contact which would only cause more hurt. Once you do get out you will also need to recover yourself after what you've been through. If he does get wind of what's happenning I would definately get out if there's even the slightest chance he may hurt you. None of this, well he never has before, because things may change at that point.

FreeFall

I don't envy you being in this position but I agree, it's the right decision from everything you've described. Maybe your breaking up with him will be a wake up call for him to get some help. Do you have friends that can help you with this and give you support throughout the process?