Scared AH bugged my phones
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Scared AH bugged my phones
I've been finding lots of really helpful advice on this ste since last summer when I first found you all here. But I've been worried that my genius computer security specialist controlling narcssistic abusive AH (lots of adjectivesthere, I know) has all my stuff tapped. I am trying to escape him but I don't want him to know my plans (or feelings).
Finally bought this iphone this week and so now I could register but I think I have to go get a new computer too.
Anyone have any experience with this kind of situation?
Finally bought this iphone this week and so now I could register but I think I have to go get a new computer too.
Anyone have any experience with this kind of situation?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
I believe it's illegal.
That being said, do not communicate with anyone on something you think he may have bugged.
Use a friends phone, or computer.
How old is your computer??? You could recover it back to factory, that will wipe everything off it, it's like a new computer. You either have recovery discs or a back to facctory recovery is already loaded on your computer and you just have to follow the prompts and recovery it.
I'm not sure but he may be able to monitor you through your ip address or computer connection. Best not to use any computers he has had access to until you sort this out.
If you have a landline, don't use it.
U could also buy some throw away phones.
I hope this is helpful.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else.
Please keep us posted. Love to you Katie
That being said, do not communicate with anyone on something you think he may have bugged.
Use a friends phone, or computer.
How old is your computer??? You could recover it back to factory, that will wipe everything off it, it's like a new computer. You either have recovery discs or a back to facctory recovery is already loaded on your computer and you just have to follow the prompts and recovery it.
I'm not sure but he may be able to monitor you through your ip address or computer connection. Best not to use any computers he has had access to until you sort this out.
If you have a landline, don't use it.
U could also buy some throw away phones.
I hope this is helpful.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else.
Please keep us posted. Love to you Katie
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Thanks, Katie. All of my communication devices have been bought and managed by him until this new phone.
I am really afraid cause I dropped my guard and called my mother to tell her some important news in regards to my efforts to deal with him. On my landline, and I heard a click that I get here lately that makes me wonder. Since then he has stopped hassling me by email so maybe he did hear.
He did call to talk to the children but he seemed to want mostly to find out what he didn't know about what I'd been doing the last few days.
I am really afraid cause I dropped my guard and called my mother to tell her some important news in regards to my efforts to deal with him. On my landline, and I heard a click that I get here lately that makes me wonder. Since then he has stopped hassling me by email so maybe he did hear.
He did call to talk to the children but he seemed to want mostly to find out what he didn't know about what I'd been doing the last few days.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Get a cheap used computer from a pawn shop (make sure it connects to the internet before you buy it), then only use it at places like McDonalds, libraries and Starbucks, for when you want to contact lawyers or have private conversations with friends and family. That way he can't trace you through keylogging, voice recording in the house or via IP.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Thanks, Katie. All of my communication devices have been bought and managed by him until this new phone.
I am really afraid cause I dropped my guard and called my mother to tell her some important news in regards to my efforts to deal with him. On my landline, and I heard a click that I get here lately that makes me wonder. Since then he has stopped hassling me by email so maybe he did hear.
He did call to talk to the children but he seemed to want mostly to find out what he didn't know about what I'd been doing the last few days.
I am really afraid cause I dropped my guard and called my mother to tell her some important news in regards to my efforts to deal with him. On my landline, and I heard a click that I get here lately that makes me wonder. Since then he has stopped hassling me by email so maybe he did hear.
He did call to talk to the children but he seemed to want mostly to find out what he didn't know about what I'd been doing the last few days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Yes, thanks for the reminder! My fears pull me backwards and I get in this mental space where I question my suspicions and I even question what I know to be real. Married to this man for SO LONG a time and yet I can't believe what he is doing and what he has done. I want desperately to confirm for myself that I'm not just paranoid so I think I will bring my computer in to be checked out for keylogging or whatever. At the same time maybe part of me feels like I should just go on with my life already! It's just that With all my life focused on raising my children, I was easy to deceive and now I want to stand up strong for myself.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Unfortunately I do have experience with this type of behavior from my AXH. Mine had a device on the landline which taped conversations. He also had secret cameras and alarms. I sympathise. It is nice not to live with that kind of behavior anymore. I went to the cops just to make them aware but did not press charges- but did divorce him. Creepy someone would not respect your personal boundaries.
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Actually, yes, and when I can dig up the information, I'll PM you. A good friend of mine was under illegal surveillance for quite a while -- her ex was in law enforcement and is serving some serious time right now.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Yes, unfortunately. Mine was a computer security specialist too. They not only lack respect of personal boundaries, but they have this desire I think to try out all their knowledge and toys.
GPS in trunk hooked up to wiring under carpet, attached to throw away cell phone with internet. They can put them other places on the car too which can be almost impossible to find and be very small.
Keylogger on computers. Home computer is never safe, or any computer using the router.
For awhile I had another email account which I used only at the library.
Put a passcode on your cell and make sure email traces are not there. All accounts can be logged in on the internet to see balances, calls made, that texts were sent but not what they contain.
Two secret questions for all accounts need to be something he can't guess, since he obviously knows your mother's maiden name, ss#, etc.
All emails can be traced as to the IP if you move with a simple return receipt as to where it was opened.
Phone--my understanding is that clicks are exactly what you think they are.
I'm sorry you are going through this too. In the end, it really didn't matter anymore to me. Unless you have something illegal to hide, the fact that your relationship is blowing up is what matters. Survelliance or not, he isn't going to save the relationship that way, but only cause you to distance yourself further. When I think back on that time in my life, (which really hasn't ended since I received notice from him where I am living, as if that makes a dif between us) I remember I didn't even feel truly upset. Mostly I felt, wow--what incredible communication skills! Sacarasm--I mean lack thereof. It was junvenille. What exactly was he going to accomplish? It sure did nothiing to help save the relationship. Stopping drinking might have.
GPS in trunk hooked up to wiring under carpet, attached to throw away cell phone with internet. They can put them other places on the car too which can be almost impossible to find and be very small.
Keylogger on computers. Home computer is never safe, or any computer using the router.
For awhile I had another email account which I used only at the library.
Put a passcode on your cell and make sure email traces are not there. All accounts can be logged in on the internet to see balances, calls made, that texts were sent but not what they contain.
Two secret questions for all accounts need to be something he can't guess, since he obviously knows your mother's maiden name, ss#, etc.
All emails can be traced as to the IP if you move with a simple return receipt as to where it was opened.
Phone--my understanding is that clicks are exactly what you think they are.
I'm sorry you are going through this too. In the end, it really didn't matter anymore to me. Unless you have something illegal to hide, the fact that your relationship is blowing up is what matters. Survelliance or not, he isn't going to save the relationship that way, but only cause you to distance yourself further. When I think back on that time in my life, (which really hasn't ended since I received notice from him where I am living, as if that makes a dif between us) I remember I didn't even feel truly upset. Mostly I felt, wow--what incredible communication skills! Sacarasm--I mean lack thereof. It was junvenille. What exactly was he going to accomplish? It sure did nothiing to help save the relationship. Stopping drinking might have.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
Going to receive crap over this.
View from the other side:
I did put a key logger on the home computer. My late wife was having affairs and back into drinking. We were in battle for the kids. The reality is men have an 80% uphill battle for kids even with the wife in multiple rehabs. Passing tests after waiting x period of time was searched on the net and printed and given to my attorney.
The accusations I was up against was just brutal. Divorce can be one of the nastiest things. I am not proud of what I had to do. My two kids safety were in arms way. I put my life on the line for my country and I sure wasn't going to abandon my kids. The years of wondering if that ambulance/ police siren was her in the ditch with the kids was something I could take some action on but the decision never rested with me.
No, I never did the GPS thing but I was able to know when she was visiting the other guy from emails and FB messages.
AG
View from the other side:
I did put a key logger on the home computer. My late wife was having affairs and back into drinking. We were in battle for the kids. The reality is men have an 80% uphill battle for kids even with the wife in multiple rehabs. Passing tests after waiting x period of time was searched on the net and printed and given to my attorney.
The accusations I was up against was just brutal. Divorce can be one of the nastiest things. I am not proud of what I had to do. My two kids safety were in arms way. I put my life on the line for my country and I sure wasn't going to abandon my kids. The years of wondering if that ambulance/ police siren was her in the ditch with the kids was something I could take some action on but the decision never rested with me.
No, I never did the GPS thing but I was able to know when she was visiting the other guy from emails and FB messages.
AG
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing
Going to receive crap over this.
View from the other side:
I did put a key logger on the home computer. My late wife was having affairs and back into drinking. We were in battle for the kids. The reality is men have an 80% uphill battle for kids even with the wife in multiple rehabs. Passing tests after waiting x period of time was searched on the net and printed and given to my attorney.
The accusations I was up against was just brutal. Divorce can be one of the nastiest things. I am not proud of what I had to do. My two kids safety were in arms way. I put my life on the line for my country and I sure wasn't going to abandon my kids. The years of wondering if that ambulance/ police siren was her in the ditch with the kids was something I could take some action on but the decision never rested with me.
No, I never did the GPS thing but I was able to know when she was visiting the other guy from emails and FB messages.
AG
View from the other side:
I did put a key logger on the home computer. My late wife was having affairs and back into drinking. We were in battle for the kids. The reality is men have an 80% uphill battle for kids even with the wife in multiple rehabs. Passing tests after waiting x period of time was searched on the net and printed and given to my attorney.
The accusations I was up against was just brutal. Divorce can be one of the nastiest things. I am not proud of what I had to do. My two kids safety were in arms way. I put my life on the line for my country and I sure wasn't going to abandon my kids. The years of wondering if that ambulance/ police siren was her in the ditch with the kids was something I could take some action on but the decision never rested with me.
No, I never did the GPS thing but I was able to know when she was visiting the other guy from emails and FB messages.
AG
The debate about survelliance could go on forever--one thing I have noticed is that men are far more willing to cross this privacy boundary than women are.
Protecting your children falls into a different category than "I'll show you!" The vengeance type WANTS their SO to know they are being watched, wants them to know their privacy is being violated, wants to insult their personal boundaries, wants to one-up them and more than anything--gets personal satisfaction from being sneaky.
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