ShatteredHeart

how do you let go of the anger??? my husband has been sober for a week, attending meetings, reading his book, genuinely trying to find sobriety and spending quality time with our family. and i sit here angry. i attended naranon which helps, and this site does too, but i feel soo angry inside. one minute i am smiling, the next so angry with my husband. i try to keep it inside to let him know i support him in his sobriety which i do whole heartedly. but then all of those feelings of betrayal, hurt and the list goes on just take over. i know i need to work on myself and that its ok to be angry, but the one day at a time sucks. i am a person who likes instant results, and i know with an addict there is no instant results. how do i change my entire perspective of life and just take it one day at a time. its a constant struggle. any advice would be greatly appreciated!

crazybabie

I am the same I think it may be part of the process for us maybe feel what you feel in order to ever work it out are you seeing a therapist by any chance?

ShatteredHeart

no i am not. i dont have the insurance to see one. i also attended a NA meeting with my in-laws to get a better perspective on addicts and their feelings about sobriety. everything si helping but i still feel crazy inside. i adore my husband and the life we have, and since he is my best friend i have this urge to tell him how i am feeling which i know i cant cuz i dont want him to feel upset even more than he does. he is doing his best to understand my feelings, but some of the feelings i have arnt what he needs to hear right now this early in his sobriety. i try to talk with other people but its hard. i know in my heart he can succeed. he has before. he was sober for a few years. and i know he genuinely wants it, but i always think what if. just thankful to have people on here who understand what i am going through or have been where i am!

bi11fish

OK,
What are you angry at the Husband or the Disease---If he had cancer would you be angry---He suffers from a progressive, incurable, and deadly disease--

Be angry at the disease and understand that the disease does not care if you are angry or not, only you have these feelings not the disease.

mstrust

I don't think it's unreasonable to tell your husband what you're feeling if you do it in a diplomatic way...this coming from someone who is terrible at that but trying. Isn't it normal for us to feel angry and hurt and resentful? I think the test is in how we handle it--which, again, I suck at. There are productive and non-productive ways, I know that...and your husband, in my opinion, should be open to talking with you about the situation.

As for addiction being a disease... Perhaps that is true, but if my boyfriend had Diabetes or cancer and was not in any way taking care of it, then it would make me angry. If someone has an addiction, they can do things to control it--to stay as healthy as possible. I'm not trying to start a giant debate, by any means. Nor am I trying to be at all argumentative. Just offering my two cents.

kmangel

I think it is normal for you to feel anger. It is wonderful your husband is recovering. You can forgive him his addiction past behaviors--but not forget. It will be time to build new, positive memories. In the past he couldn't be for you the husband you needed because his addiction was his mistress. Move past this to a better future. I really like the Marriage Builders website and books like His Needs/Her Needs. It's now time to work on making your marriage better. What you had to do as a wife of an addict is not the same as the wife of a sober husband. I hope you'll check out the site and see if you think it has anything to offer your marriage. That is when your anger will resolve itself--when you replace the past with a better future.

crazybabie

You said you have been to NA to get a better perspective on addicts and their feelings about sobriety have you been to Ala -non, Nar-anon or Families Anonymous for yourself?

Just my experience but once I started attending meetings for myself the less I focused on why he did this and that in all honesty knowing why isn't going to help much yet taking care of you can make a huge difference.

ShatteredHeart

i went to naranon but the meeting was cancelled so a recovering addict talked with me and invited me to attend the NA class next door with her. i am going back to naranon this week. today is a new day and i have to remember that you can not change the past. only learn from it for the future!