Change4Better

Hey everybody...

My handle is not indicative of my life. I haven't made any change for good or better. I was doing really well. I don't know what happened. Sigh.

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I'm going to hit submit before I change my mind. I know the advice will be go to meetings, maybe rehab, etc. and I can read those on other posts, it's nothing new. I just wanted to vent I guess.

doggonecarl

You're not asking for specific advice, so I won't give you any. Meetings, rehab...those are tools. You know what the problem is, I've quoted it above. The key is change. How you do that...it's up to you. But if you don't change, or can't, you'll continue to vent rather than celebrate sobriety.

sugarbear1

Try some prayers. Then try NOT to drink, just for the rest of today. See what happens.

Dee74

Change is more than vital - it's imperative, I think.

If you want a different outcome, work out what you *are* prepared to do, and do it C4B

D

Change4Better

That's my fear....is it because I won't change, or that I can't? I don't know how to figure it out. It sounds so simple. "Just don't drink." I don't like grapefruit juice. I don't drink it. Simple. If only I could trick out my brain to think that alcohol is like grapefruit juice. That I don't like it, and avoid it as a result. The problem is alcohol is EVERYWHERE. I mean, even the pizza delivery ppl deliver beer now. Commercials, supermarkets, restaurants. You feel ostracized by not taking part. And that just makes avoiding drinking all the more hard to do.

Dee74

I think everyone - certainly everyone on this board - has the capacity to change, C4B.

Change is scary - it can be so scary we can convince ourselves the maelstrom of addiction is a preferred choice..

But things get worse in addiction - and trust me that's not a road you want to go down.

Find that spark in you that wants to quit - that little itch that keeps you posting here....and fan it

D

Itchy

I like your analogy! But grapefruit juice is everywhere too. I think you are close to what has kept me sober so far. I came to the point of not only not liking alcohol, but I loathed it, and still could not/did not stop.

If you keep drinking long enough you will get there, sometimes too late to heal back, but you will get there. For better or worse. I hope you choose to get there now and not almost let it kill you like many of us here have.

Change4Better

I definitely don't want to wait until it's too late. I went through all these tests recently, got a clean bill of health, and I thought surely that would help, that I would want to keep it that way so I would stop. Instead I treated it like the doc giving me a free pass. Logically I know that's not true. But physically......that's another matter.

Ugh...withdrawals suck.

Purplecatlover

If you do what you've always done, you're gonna get what you always got.

You can change. You have to figure out what you CAN do. Can you read recovery books? Like the Big Book. You can download it for free. Don't have to move from your seat. I don't do meetings but it helped.
If you don't fancy the HP thing, Have you read the AVRT threads in Secular here?

It doesn't matter what method you use as long as you DO something.
I mixed multiple things from here & there & tailored it to suit me.
I, too thought I couldn't change, that I would be stuck like that forever. Over 9 months sober now so it CAN be done!

Hevyn

Hello Change. You said you didn't know why you were writing. I think it's because you haven't given up on a new and better life. You're just frustrated and disappointed in the way things have gone - and we all understand.

I finally became good and fed up with my drinking self. I was boring, even to me - same old stuff happened every time I picked up, and it wasn't ever fun anymore. It was so hard to admit that the fun of my early drinking days was never coming back - I had reached the point of no return with it. Once I understood that - I found the strength to stop for good. After drinking for over 30 yrs. I now have almost 5 sober. You can do it, too. Please don't give up on yourself or your desire for a new and better life. It can still happen, and we believe in you.