Sasha4

For the last few months I have felt lonely and restless.

I have no problem now telling people I don't drink and that I am not going too.
But I have got to feeling that some friends (not that I have a lot) avoid me.

I don't get invited anywhere and no-one ever seems to want to meet for a coffee/non alcoholic drink.

Maybe it's because I have a child and lots of my friends do, so none of us have the same time.
But I just vey isolated, almost to the point that I have no expectations and just expect that I will do everything on my own. And the do everything is really doing nothing. No trips to the cinema, shopping etc, coffee at someones house.

I don't expect a whirlwind social life, but I am getting tired of non stop early nights.

Maybe I am just being hyper sensitive, I don't know? But I can't help but feel lonely and unloved...x

Sasha4

I suppose the main point of my thread is that is this because I don't drink and people don't see me as any fun anymore?

I think I am better company than the drinking days but ho knows, that is my opinion?

Has this happened to anyone else?

Healthyfood

Sasha4

Same here. No friends yet. Where do you live?

MidnightBlue

Hi, Sasha4.

This maybe sound a little bit harsh, but "The people who are worth your time will appreciate you for who you are", regardless of your drinking behaviour. I have very few friends, but we enjoy each other's company with/without alco.

Let me give you just my two cents on this. You feel like going to moovie but none of your friends would join you? See it as an opportunity to make new friends. Join some group on social networks, say for Moms who have little time for themselves and looking for someone with common interests, finds someone in your area, and go to moovie. Or shopping, or any other activity. Do not make yourself a hostage of ties to your past. You are changing, and that's Ok to change something in your life. Just be open, creative. Do not feel like you should be fun to other people.

Have a good day!

quitforme79

I posted about this yesterday. It's hard when we make changes and that can lead to feeling lonely. However, I was lonely when I was drinking too...just numbed it away. I have found sober friends thru AA and we go to the movies, dinner etc. It's still hard not being part of the "drinking" crowd but if they respect and are about you enough they will do sober things with you.

Jeni26

Hi Sasha,

Sorry you're feeling lonely. I think one of the reasons I drank in the first place was because I felt socially awkward and it gave me confidence.

May it's time to spread your wings a little and seek out like-minded people?
Have you any hobbies that would involve you joining a new group? I'm not sure how old your child is, but perhaps a few of the Mums could get together socially. I used to think that everyone drank like I did, but it isn't true! I have found people who actually enjoy going out for coffee and a chat. Do you go to AA meetings?

I can relate to the loneliness, it is horrible to feel isolated xx

ru12

Hi, if you are feeling very isolated then perhaps you can go to an AA meeting? Even if you don't do the program it sometimes helps me just to be around other people dealing with some of the same issues I me.

Most people are very busy and distracted. Perhaps you could invite a couple of other Moms over for a playdate or something like that? When my kids were young a group of us would get together and hire a sitter . . . then we would go out for a bit. That was always fun.

Vall

How about inviting people to your place Sasha...I'd come :>)

I do know what you mean though but sometimes when we are sensitive, we tend to overthink things. Sometimes people are just busy and can't make it etc. I bet we could all hold our hands up here and say that we have felt not wanted/loved/cared about before - but I bet we are when the moment is right. x

Wolfram

Hi Sasha. I partake your feeling, as I too am lonely. Since my ex dumpted my quite brutally in a city I did not know. Came to this city to start a family with her, we had a house that were suposed to buy, etc. I had started a new job on monday, living at her mon's place in the basement cause still no place of my own. And on tuesday night, she glitched, all was over for me, and even had to pay for my stay there. I had only 2 friends in the city, which I had not seen for 5 more years. This all hapened one year ago, and of course made me fall into heavy drinking again. A problem which I am confident I will solve. Was accepted here by those friends of mine, good people. But I am now at 42. Back to school. And they have family etc, so less time. So I am pretty lonely. But started working and it makes me meet new people.

And I was honest with them about my drinking problem. My entering AA etc. And as said, real friends will understand and accept you for what you are. My choice of sober is vital to me. I take pride in this choice. And my friends see it also. But still I often feel lonely. So am looking at doing activities that will make meet new people..

Have a good day!

Natom

Sometimes I just want to hang out with people who aren't in recovery. I do meet up with them for coffee every now and again but sometimes it feels like I don't have anyone I could hang out with. At the moment the work lot is trying to get me out for the christmas party. As much as I hate this ordeals I May go just because I need the interaction.

Chrisy

I think all of us feel lonely sometimes. Know I do. Also know it is hard for me to do things I want to do alone. People don't know this because I do a good job of hiding it, but I am actually a shy person. It is hard for me to make the first move and go up and talk to people I don't know.

Your true friends are going to love you as you are. They are going to want to meet you for coffee/tea or even to drink a soda with you, go to the movie with you, or arrange a play date with you and your children..

If that is not happening, then maybe try and make new friends to do things with. On the computer they have different groups listed in every community. Maybe find a group of mom's who would be interested in having a play day with you every week at the same time. While the children are having fun and playing you can get to know the other moms better. In no time you would make a friend you could go to the movies with and meet one on one for coffee/tea/soda.

We are here for you and you are not alone. Great job on staying sober... Just remember you are a wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to be your friend.

Best wishes
Chrisy

Itchy

Why not arrange a fun play date for your other friends with kids and perhaps set up a rotating schedule for hosting? Are you setting up for a fun halloween giving out candy instead of going out to party with alcohol? You have gotten lots of goid advice, how about taking some classes at the community college or finishing that degree? The money spent by an average alcoholic pays for that easily! How old is your kiddo? If the same sex and more than 7 or so you can have a lot of fun with girl or boy scout activities like cub scouts and brownies or the regular scouts for 12 and up. Camping, fishing, hiking, wildlufe and nature, and guides to help you learn all of it. I loved archery and canoeing. It is pretty cheap, and most won't volunteer to help because of time constraints. In the time it takes fir a cinema trip you could plan and do all the prep for any meeting that lasts an hour or so. Camping is a great way to spend weekends too.

But there are a lot of social activities wher you child is nit in your way, but instead is your ticket in to regaining you child-like sense of wonder. I found my kids to be a great excuse to buy/rent Disney movies that I wanted to watch. Ahd of course they needed me to drive them to amusement oarks and hold their hands on the rides. They also needed me to take them to beach or lake and have or rent a boat. Even a rowboat is exciting the frst tine learning. Try sailing a small boat that rents with basic lessons. Learn to ski if you are where that is possible.

You just haven't realized sobriety gas not deprived you but set you free with a little money and the ability to try new things with moderate expense!

Sasha4

You know what Itchy - I arranged a playdate for today, last minute and it was great!

My daughter is 3 years old, but I suppose sometimes I crave a bit of time with just adult friends.

I also figured that if they don't want me as a friend as I don't drink, then it's no great loss. If they did not want my friendship as I am dull, mean or whatever, then I should be worried!!

And yes I love watching Disney movies with my girl xxxx

Itchy

You go girl!
I watch them too late at night when no one can see. I love Finding Nemo, and all the rest of the Pixar etc. new wave animation. My wife caught me once and was so relieved, she thought I watching something else!


See, if the world does not come to your on your terms, you make your terms anyway and go out to the world. Never perfect, but close enough.

dogmamma

I think the having the baby thing plays a bigger part in the isolation. I know it did for me. I work SO HARD to find the energy to socialize. Yet, I feel lonely too. It's just so difficult to get it together to and out. I'm sure your friends are a little preoccupied with their little ones.

Itchy

So drinking will help? I doubt that. The only difference is you will try to get out less, and isolate more. You have children whether sober or drunk. Which way do you think offers the better chance for getting out and making plans that are followed through?

Having said that, my hat is off to single parents trying their best to raise decent kids and get and stay sober.