texas1992

I'm sure that my story is not unique. I have known my wife for over 2 years. We have been married for over 6 months. Two weeks ago I found out that she is addicted to alcohol.

I have arranged to have an intervention with her this coming Tuesday. I hope she will go to treatment. This is going to be expensive but I think she is worth it. I can't even imagine what I am in for.

I don't even know what else to say. I scared to read any of your stories but I will just so I will be informed.

Thanks.

redatlanta

We are kind of in the same boat. My sober AH is relapsing. Never knew him in active alcoholism. never thought it would happen.

All I can tell you is read, read, read. Go to al anon. Go tomorrow. If I hadn't had the guidance of SR and al anon I would have handled this differently. And I would be on the sinking ship my AH is on instead I am above water. I plan to stay that way.

Its a sick insidious disease, nothing like I "imagined" it was. All the stories are different yet all are the same. Lies, and more lies.

The best way you can help your wife and yourself is to educate and know what you are dealing with. Its not like the movies. It is baffling and defies logic.

Peace be with you I will send prayers your way. God bless.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

You have discovered a wonderful resource of support and information. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

Some of our stories are posted in the stickies. Stickies are older, permanent posts that are preserved at the top of each section of this website. I am always finding wisdom in those posts.

Here is one of my favorite stickies. It contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

freeatlast1313

Hi Tex,
I am a newbie too. Please read,read,read!!!! The more you realize your story is the story of many the better you will feel. This site has been my lifeline. I am going to a face to face alanon meeting this week, meantime SR has helped pull me from the pit of hell I was in. Read the posts Tex, some will hurt you, make you sick and cry but you will be armed with the knowledge you need to make your best desicions.
with love,
Free

Hopeworks

We sound like a bunch of parrots here but I just want you to hear another voice that says hello, welcome and you are not alone.

Please do force yourself to read the depressing stuff...it will set you free from what can be magical thinking on our parts. You must know your enemy (alcoholism) very well for it can be devastatingly powerful in how destructive it can be to you and all you hold dear.

I have actively participate in interventions for my business that is in the criminal justice system. They can be effective but statistically are not successful but in a small amount of cases and the reason is you cannot force recovery. YOu can force abstinence by having them committed against their will to a jail or institution and sometimes that is necessary.

But lifelong, healthy, strong recovery is achieved through a decision by the A themself to do whatever it takes minute by minute, day by day... moment by moment to remain alcohol free. Like a drowning woman struggling to reach the surface of an angry ocean she needs to use every ounce of her energy and resources to battle her disease. She must want sobriety MORE than she wants her next drink.

And sadly, that is why most interventions don't work. You may achieve compliance in that the A will agree to go to treatment or attend meetings or whatever agreements are reached... but... that is just geography when she is at a certain location.

The battlefield is her mind, her heart, her brain itself and even her body. It is not necessarily bad to force her into being part of a program or even residential rehab (heck... I forced mine into rehab 6 times!) but if they are just going through the motions to not lose your relationship or whatever boundary is created it not likely to stick for long.

The most successful recoveries are from people who found the strength and resolve to stop drinking from a spiritual program of recovery. It is not the only way but having walked down every path out there with my XA for years I found the most joyous and happy people were those who had stayed on a spiritual path of self discovery, growth and giving back of themselves.

I shared all of that because it is very easy to get euphoric when we force our A to agree to treatment (and again...not discouraging treatment or an intervention) but just to let you know that this is just a beginning of a very, very long...lifelong... journey for both your A and yourself.

My recovery came because I finally started listening to the voices on this website (they were right and I was wrong) about many things. My recovery came from alanon, reading books... and I still read books all the time!

Knowledge is power. Power to heal.

Are you using an interventionist? Do you have some of the books out there on interventions? There are some really good ones and your A will be psycholigically fragile and most likely resentful and everyone must be on the same page...

Good luck!

Titanic

Please do consider going to Al-Anon. Try at least six meetings and different groups. Read How Al-Anon Works and the free pamphlets Alcoholism A Family Disease, So You Love an Alcoholic, What Do YOU Do about Your Slcoholic's Drinking?, and Al-Anon You and the Alcoholic as well as a free Newcomer packet.

Also, there is a book called Getting Them Sober by Toby Rice Drews that is more about how to handle and take care of yourself when you have an alcoholic spouse. Here are the informative summaries from Volume 1:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-vol-1-a.html

Best wishes!

texas1992

Thanks for your responses. The intervention went very well. She accepted the invitation to go to treatment. She has been there on week since yesterday and is doing quite well...for now.

I have been going to Al Anon meetings and doing as much reading as I can. I'm not sure if Al Anon is where I want to be. I don't see any benefits yet but I will keep going just to see if I can break through a barrier.

I already feel at ease with what is going on and if need be I can let my wife go if she decides to go back to the area where she lived and was addicted. She has lived in Oregon and I in Texas. I am going to ask her to come to Texas and live with me. (I know...weird story...don't ask).

Again, thanks. I will keep reading.

sugarbear1

The benefits come when working the steps with a sponsor.

With love & hugs,