Halzuzu

I have a friend of 20+ years who was pretty much my drinking partner in crime. In the past when I have tried to get sober he has been very unsupportive and actually kind of a D*%k about it. Presumably, because it forces him to address his own issues with alcohol which he is not ready to deal with.

I am 11 days sober and feel great but I have been dreading having the "sober" conversation with him due to his reaction last time so..I concocted a lie ..I told him that I was not drinking anymore due to medical issues and he said.."well, call me when your medical issues have cleared up". Actually, it wasnt much of a lie as had I kept drinking I'm sure I wouldve had some serious issues down the line.

I feel bad for lying but glad that I diverted any major drama (he is a drama queen) which I don''t need right now so early in recovery and I see now that I will have to cut him loose as he obviously wants nothing to do with me if I am not drinking. I had already accepted the fact that he was one friend that would have to let go but its still not easy after 20+ years of friendship.

Has anyone else had similar issues and how did you handle it?

Dee74

The problem with lying is you need to replenish the lie.

I had a friend who simply would not countenance me not drinking for good...when I said I was not drinking for a while, for whatever reason...

he'd ask if the while was up yet...he'd pour me drinks and leave them there...he'd drop around with beers...

not even a full and frank discussion, with the A word thrown in, worked with this guy.

In the end, I had to cut ties.

Maybe your friend will be more receptive?
D

Lenina

Hal,

I don't see it as lie. You aren't drinking because it IS going to affect your health if you continue to do so.

There's lots of reason folks quit drinking for good. Liver issues, stomach issues, mental health issues. I know my alcoholism isn't going to go away or clear up. I have to treat it daily by not drinking.

Smart of you to realize this guy is a drinking buddy and not a friend. Congrats to you!

Love from Lenina

pnik33

If a friend is a friend, they will be supportive. If they are not, then I see them as not being a good enough friend and tell them to 'kick rocks'. However, if you are trying to stop completely, I would see this as a lie not only to him but to yourself. In order to be completely honest with yourself you have to be honest with others. If he is a d*%$, let him be one. He is not going to be a good support system anyways. Just my 2cents

Halzuzu

@D - I've tried being frank with him in the past during previous attempts at sobriety and he was very rude about it. He thinks AA ia a joke anyone claiming to be an alcoholic is a loser. He doesn't think I have a problem and doesnt see alcoholism as a progressive disease. And after I told him about my "medical issues" he asked me if I wanted a beer. He said "you dont have to drink hard liquor but surely one beer is ok". I think I have to cut ties altogether.

Halzuzu

You are all right. It if he is a d*%k then he is not a good friend. I will tell him the truth and take it from there.

FreeFall

You may not have to cut ties forever, you may just have to take a break until he realizes he wants you in his life even without booze. I think you hit it on the head, it's his issues with his own drinking. Stay the course-you don't want to develop health issues down the line, and they're sure to come because it really is progressive. He may experience some of his own and be more on board in the future. Maybe try to stay in touch on the phone for now...

Kateg

I think true friends will love you weather you drink or not. He may just come around. Keep us all updated on what happens........

Halzuzu

I came clean to him about why I am not drinking anymore..ever.. and he said that I am overreacting and running away from something. Then he said the offer still stands if I want to come over for a beer. I will keep my distance for awhile and as some have said maybe he'll come around.

choublak

It sounds to me like you've already told him the truth and he tried to argue with you about it.

Positivefuture

I have had issues with friends and family around me that did not feel comfortable with me stopping drinking. These folks have issues with alcohol themselves and I think me recognizing my problem made them think about their issues. I am 90 days sober tomorrow and I have had to avoid these people. My sobriety is the number one and if others don't feel the same then I can't have them around me. Remember you are number one, do what is best for you and keep up the good work good things are in your future!

Anna

I think there are often hard decisions to make in early recovery. I knew for sure that I had to remove a couple of people from my life who were toxic to me. What surprised me, was that, almost immediately, two amazing women entered my life. It's almost as if they were waiting to fill the space. One of them became a true mentor to me.

dizzychainsaw

There were a lot of people that I drank and used with that I let go of when I got sober.Now I talk to some of them online and on the phone. None of them have tried to get me to drink or use. Some of them have asked me about getting sober which I think is pretty cool. Stay sober and you may be able to help your friend someday.

tomsteve

if you are running away from something, its the gloom,dispair, and misery that comes with alcohol.

good on ya for comin clean.

fallingtogether

I too have a friend in a similar situation. But instead of listening to her excuses for me, I just cut the ties. She doesn't care about sparing my feelings, she is toxic to me right now and I can't afford my sobriety over someone like her. I feel secure in my decision. Someday I'll talk to her about it, but definitely not today. Good luck h!

Delilah1

That is a huge milestone!!!!

NoelleR

"...He said "you dont have to drink hard liquor but surely one beer is ok"..."

I always love when folks use this (incorrect) argument......I usually tell them to check the alcohol cocntent and do the math.....

Beer-----5% alcohol in 12oz bottle/can/
Hard Liquor-----40% (80 proof) alcohol in 1.5oz of alcohol in mixed drink

12x.05=.6
1.5x.4=.6

Hmmmmmmmmm

(o:
NoelleR