MycoolFitz

Not drinking for some time and feeling down and thought about it and realized I was just lonely. I have always had women and alcohol in my life now neither. It is a strange thing to deal with. It is terrible to use people and booze to fill holes but what do you do when you don't but the holes are still there?

Vall

It's not using people to fill holes when you give them just as much pleasure and happiness as they give you Fitzx

Match.com?

MycoolFitz

I know not rational just honest'

Vall

I know. But you don't have to accept being lonely.

I know I talk a load of rubbish mainly :>) but I mean well and wish you well

bi11fish

That is what recovery was about for me filling that hole left by losing my best friend, lover and confidant---ALCOHOL -- When I could differentiate between being alone and feeling lonely my struggle was lessened.
Lonely is a feeling not a fact.

andisa

Fill the holes with something else. Sounds easy, though I realize it's not necessarily so easy. We need to relearn so much, and learn so much more, after we stop using. I think growth and learning slows way down or stops or otherwise becomes derailed when using, so sometimes there are years of time to catch up with where we leave off where the addiction started.

There's a whole world out there awaiting your exploration. I know the motivation to go searching can seem lacking and the whole world seems overwhelming, so explore one thing at a time. Fill the holes one at a time. Don't rush to fill them all at once, it takes time, but how wonderful to have the newfound opportunity to proceed.

Chrisy

You bring up a really good question. What do you fill up your holes with?

Think a lot of us are lonely. Know I am... Wish I had a good man who I could love unconditonally warts and all who would love me unconditionally warts and all in return. Don't you think all of us want love in our lives?

You also bring up a point that sometimes we fill those holes with things that are not good for us. For you drinking and for me binge eating. Both are not good options and in the end hurt us.. So the answer is trying to find another way to fill that hole without drinking or binge eating.

If you come up with the answer let me know, as I am still finding that answer.

Some say exercise works to fill up their void or hole... I know when I had my horse and I could ride Tia it helped me feel better in my body, mind, and spirit.

Have a good day. Glad you are here.

Chrisy

MycoolFitz

I know it is just harder than it should be. Will move forward semper fi

andisa

Hey hey,
That word "should" is my nemesis. So reading it leaped out at me.
Currently my project du jour (make that every day) is to not use or think of the word "should." It's comparative...and to what? Rather I replace should with "is." Recognize how things are, for you, and not think about how anyone, including one's own self, thinks things "should" be. How IS it. And then, we can proceed to move on to what to DO about it. Trying to get a foothold on reality myself. Best to you as you move forward.

MIRecovery

This whole friendship thing is something I still have problems with. I have discovered friends just do not drop out of the air. To date I do not have people knocking on my door to be a friend. I am discovering having friends requires me to take an active roll. It is up to me to reach out and to be a friend first. IMO, In my case it is progress not perfection

aasharon90

If I whinned to my sponsor about being
lonely or bored she would share that I
was too into self. Selfishness, self-centered,
self-absorbed.

Then I began to followed in her own footsteps
and began baking to bring goodies to my meetings.
This became service work for me and allowed
me to forget my own problems that seemed
to absorb my every thought.

Becoming of service to others in recovery
was a purpose for me to continue on my path
and stay sober for a many more one days at a
time to get me where I am today.

It doesnt have to be baking of course, lol, and
anything to help someone else is very rewarding.

ashbert13

It's very hard to fill the voids. I'd like to think that with time, things start to become easier. I seriously hope you work it out--I think with enough effort, we are all capable. But it's not easy. Hug.

MycoolFitz

It will alll work out. Just PTSD things going on. It is all good. Love you all.

hypochondriac

I figure it is like trying to overcome using something external to us to define ourselves or create our happiness. Whatever it is, booze/women/nice cars... It never works in the long run because it is perfectly possible to feel lonely surrounded by other people. In's all an inside thing. Being comfortable in out own skin.

Hope you are okay Fitz and that SR helps things be a bit less lonely xxx

427

I hear ya, Fitz. It's tough. If it weren't for this site I'd be literally climbing the walls. I miss my friends and having someone to hug and share life with. I think it's hard to find friends and lovers regardless of whether one is drinking or not, but it's especially hard when you shift gears like we are. I'm in a new town for me and I fortunately have a friend to do things with when she's not working, but I definitely miss male companionship - a healthy relationship. As for filling the hole of alcohol - well, guess we all have to figure that one out. I know MY journey is internal at the moment, and I'm so depressed sometimes that I'd probably bring someone else down, which I wouldn't want. But connecting w/ others on here helps, for me. At least I know I'm not alone and I don't have to explain myself to anyone....

At any rate, you have US. Sending hugs!

Lenina

Fitz,

It there a VA Hospital near you? Have you thought about volunteering? Or seeing if there's folks to play cards with, catch a movie? Is there a USO near you? maybe at the airport? Lots of opportunities there to meet and help out folks. Help arrange trips and pass the time.

Check out what's happening at the book store near you. I've met people at readings and such. sometime the local libraries have movie nights here. It natural to want companionship. Its finding new places where there's more sober minded folks!

Love from Lenina

Thepatman

All this talking about holes is reminding me how single I am. ;-)

RevivingOphelia

I've always had a lover and, for a brief time, a spouse. I LOVE being in a relationship and choose mostly really solid people as partners.

Right now, I have no one and no drink.

I hear ya on the lonely front and no self-medicating for that haunting and anxious reality of living inside one's head and the fear of it remaining as such forever.

Fernaceman

Rubbish is a silly word.

MycoolFitz

Well I do work with homeless just taken some time off for health and just made me realize I was lonely with myself. I have to face the fact booze was my bud and it is like a break up.