Yogagurl

This is my first time posting to this forum, so I chose to post a thread to the Newcomers Forum, however, I have been dealing with his addiction for two years, and I feel that I am well versed in the psychological and physical aspects of both co-dependency and addiction.

I am currently unemployed and, as a result, am caught between a rock and a hard place with my husband. My home in unsafe. He is volatile and completely unstable. While I am unemployed, I still feel that I am bearing the load of the bills, as he has gotten to a point where he smokes his paycheck, and lays in bed depressed unwilling to work as a result of his decisions. We are breaking even, but tools get pawned and bought back on the weekends. Quite frankly, I am in a state of rage nearly all of the time. And I can't move on right now.

I have the potential of making a really good salary, way more than enough to support myself when I receive my first pay check. As for now, I can't couch hop from one place to another because that would leave me completely un-grounded. I can get up in the morning at home and at least look for jobs. My clothes are here, all of my belongings. It's just too much to deal with all at once. I was laid off from my job just a few weeks after I found out that he started using again.

What I am looking for on here is confirmation that moving out and getting into a safe environment is what I really need to do. I'm not abandoning my marriage, but I simply can't live with a crack addict, especially when I don't use drugs or alcohol at all.

Love and light.

Anna

Welcome, and absolutely move on to a space where you feel safe. Maybe it would be worth to take a job that wasn't your dream job, just in order to get stabilized on your own. I hope you find peace in your life.

Impurrfect

((Yogagurl)) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what brought you here. I would say living with a crack addict is anything BUT grounded. I'm both a recovering crack addict and left my bf who continued to use after I chose recovery.

I hope you keep reading and posting. You definitely aren't alone and you DO deserve to be in a safe environment.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Yogagurl

Thank you for your responses. I just need to get this toxicity out of my system. This pent up anger and aggression that I have is weighing my energy down and causing me to behave in ways that are very unhealthy. I need to talk about this. I HAVE TO. And I feel that my friends, family members, and counselor's are growing tired my my talking and not DOING something about my misery. I'm just trapped right now.....

MythOfSisyphus

As a career drunk, I can say definitely that your responsibility is to yourself. Take care of you. You can do nothing for him unless he wants to quit. Nothing will be gained by going down with the ship. It's possible that your leaving may give him the jolt that causes him to realize he needs help. But don't count on it. He's on crack's schedule, not his own or yours.

Get out of there! Take what you can safely take but get somewhere safe. When you're on dry land you might be in a position to toss him a life preserver, but if you try to go into the water after him you'll both drown.