Sadconfused

I'm incredibly sad today, my bday is a few days away as well as the 11 yr anniversary of my grandmas death. I miss her so much, especially on days that I have to deal with the crazy stuff. She was the only stable person there for me as a child. When my dad was drunk and him and mom were busy arguing she was always there to comfort me. I wish she was still here and I wish she could have met my daughter. Gawd, I can't stop crying. My dad decided to get up and bash me this morning, saying I always make stupid decisions and blah blah blah blah. ABF got mad of course which is kinda ironic since he does the same things. It just sucks that I have no one to depend on, no one to turn to when I'm upset, no one I can trust.

SparkleKitty

Well, there's a whole bunch of people here that you can trust. This forum is open 24/7, and we want to listen.

mmk11

Hugs to you. Be kind to yourself, let the tears out if you need to.

CentralOhioDad

Yes, we are here. Not sure about your relationship with your HP, but it/he/she is always there too.

Thumper

I'm sorry. It is hard to feel so alone. I've felt like that too. So sorry about your grandma too.

I read here once something like the difference between people not in alcoholic relationships and those in alcoholic relationships is that the one not in an alcoholic relationship found their knight on a white horse.

I don't think so. I think the difference is that the one not in a relationship with an alcoholic doesn't spend one second waiting for a white horse. They save/take care of themselves, each step of the way, with the choices they make.

If all the spots in your life are filled with people that tear you down - there are no spots left for those that bring you up. If you fill the places in your life with people that you can't depend on, you close the door to filling those places with people that you can depend on.

cr995

I know how you feel, just needing comfort and not having somewhere to get it can make you feel so alone.. Sending you Big hugs .

Katiekate

Exactly what went through my mind! Thanks

MamaKit

((((((Sadconfused))))))
I'm so sorry for your pain. Please know that for every one person that posts here on the forum there are 10 more out there sending their love and support your way. Even though it's from afar, we care about you.
Hugs,
MamaKit

Sadconfused

Thanks everyone. After a good cry and a long talk with my brother ( the sober one) I feel a little better. Though some of your response made me tear up again. I'm an emotional mess today apparently. My dad apologized and admitted he was just annoyed and took put pne which is shocking cause i have heard him say he was sorry very few times in my life. I am going to try to make it out to the grave yard today and visit my grandma's grave. I have also applied for a few jobs so I am hoping to hear back from one, it would be a nice step in becoming more independent and towards being stable enough to be on my own eventually. *sigh* I hope I can find the strength to make my life better and my daughters.

fedup3

Praying for you and your daughter.

Thumper

You do have the strength. Look at what you have already done and are doing. Making plans to take care of your heart by vsiting your grandma's grave and applying for jobs. Those are truely positive steps - real and concrete. Be gentle with yourself today.