My heart is so sad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 200
My heart is so sad.
Today would have been Daddy's 45th birthday. He passed away a year and a half ago. My daddy was an alcoholic... In the end him and I were very active acholics and didn't get along. But before that he and I were best friends, he was always my sports coach, teaching me things and being the best man I have ever met. He left this world way too early due to a heart attack, it was his second one and his body was too weak.
Tears are streaming down my face at this moment, my heart is broken, I'm almost two months sober but I don't want to feel right now, I miss my daddy so bad, the shame of the way things were when he passed is still heavy on my heart.
I wish he could see the person I am now.
Now that I'm sober for the first time, it's real that he's gone now.
I don't know.
My heart hurts.
Tears are streaming down my face at this moment, my heart is broken, I'm almost two months sober but I don't want to feel right now, I miss my daddy so bad, the shame of the way things were when he passed is still heavy on my heart.
I wish he could see the person I am now.
Now that I'm sober for the first time, it's real that he's gone now.
I don't know.
My heart hurts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Oh Muffin...I am hugging you. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I felt it all through your words. He would be so proud of you and am sure he always was. As parents we think the world of our kids even when they aren't doing things the best they can. We may not show it when things aren't going so well but we feel it. Trust me. And most certainly today he is in his glory thinking of you. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
I too, lost my alcoholic dad young. I had not spoke to him in 8 yrs when he died so I understand the guilt & remorse of leaving things unsaid & undone.
I know now, we were both just broken addicts, neither of us at fault, yet both equally responsible.
We just did things, the only way we knew how.
The best thing for me to heal was to "feel" the pain, forgive myself & him & move on.
I only postponed my grieving for 5 yrs by numbing myself.
Running away never makes it go away.
I'm proud of you that you're dealing with this sober & I'd bet anything you're dad is, too.
Prayers for you.
I know now, we were both just broken addicts, neither of us at fault, yet both equally responsible.
We just did things, the only way we knew how.
The best thing for me to heal was to "feel" the pain, forgive myself & him & move on.
I only postponed my grieving for 5 yrs by numbing myself.
Running away never makes it go away.
I'm proud of you that you're dealing with this sober & I'd bet anything you're dad is, too.
Prayers for you.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
So sorry Ragamuffin and Opivotal-losing a dad is so hard! I find myself grieving for my dad more now. He died in 1993 and I think that was the real start of the numbing of everything through drinking. Before that it was more fun and games, still out of control, but not a crutch to get through life that it became.
I'm sure our dads are with us in spirit, I often feel my dad's presence with me. Your dad wouldn't want you to be unhappy, and I'm sure he would be proud of your efforts! Hang in there!
I'm sure our dads are with us in spirit, I often feel my dad's presence with me. Your dad wouldn't want you to be unhappy, and I'm sure he would be proud of your efforts! Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Ragamuffin,
Good on you for staying sober for 2 months and coming here and telling us all how you are feeling. The best way to honor yourself and the memory of your father is to stay sober and live a happy productive.
All powe to you
Love
Carol
Good on you for staying sober for 2 months and coming here and telling us all how you are feeling. The best way to honor yourself and the memory of your father is to stay sober and live a happy productive.
All powe to you
Love
Carol
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Your sober new life and courage are the greatest gifts you can honor him with. You are doing each of you proud. You are doing so great.Keep moving forward - he will be watching all your successes. Love, NBC
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Hi Ragamuffin. I agree that he knows there's been a big change in your life, and is proud of you. The last thing he'd want would be for you to remember the bad times. Honor his memory by recalling that you were best friends before alcohol interfered. That's the only thing that really matters.
Prayers up for you to feel better. Glad you posted about your feelings.
Prayers up for you to feel better. Glad you posted about your feelings.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
