klong0712

Hello all, I had a huge post typed out and then for same strange reason it never posted but that's ok. It gives me a chance to calm down.

I grew up in a family with an abusive, neglectful, alcoholic mother and a father who, for some reason was blind to what was going on. There's been a lot of healing between us kids and Dad since he has accepted responsibility for what happened. But AM is still blind to all the pain she has ever caused. As a matter of fact, if you ask her, everything is always someone else's fault.

She doesn't really know what to do with me lately because I've stopped playing her games and I've stopped initiating contact. Don't know what I'll do when she contacts me but I'll cross that bridge when I get there I guess. I'll add more to my story later.

NWGRITS

I went No Contact with my AM after nearly 30 years of her abuse and emotional neglect. Best decision I ever made for myself and my children. I can live my life now and focus on the things that are really important. I hear through the grapevine that if I'd only let the kids talk to her and let her come visit when this baby is born (any day now), she would be able to quit drinking and find recovery. Nope, I'm not putting the burden of responsibility for her recovery on my children's shoulders, the way it was on mine during my childhood and through my early adult years.

Kialua

Welcome. Story sounds similar to mine but the other way around. There is a lot of info to help you here, look around read some stickies above and just keep posting your thoughts. It helps.

klong0712

Thanks for the welcome, guys. This last weekend was so... I don't even know how to say how mad I've been about it but there's nobody to talk to. I've been trying to just tell myself "It's just one more of those things. Let it go." But it feels like things might be coming to a head between myself and my mother and that just makes me so tired.

My family does not see my little sister very often. She has become very successful in her career (she's a crew chief for the Air Force Thunderbirds!) but her job also means she moved a couple states away and travels frequently. We are so proud of her and love her so much. Her job brought her into town last weekend and she made a special request from her boss to get a few free hours to spend with us. Amazingly, he granted her request!

Now, my mom has been living in this area for years but suddenly decided that she did not know how to get to the air field where the air show was taking place in our city. My mother-in-law kindly offered to drive her there.

Here's where the truly maddening part came in. When AM walked into the area we were all sitting what did she say? It wasn't "Hello, it's so good to see you!" It was (with her lip quivering) "My feelings are hurt. You got me here so late I didn't have any time to see the displays." I said "Mom, we haven't seen any displays either. We've been hanging out with little sis." She responded with "Well, my feelings are still a little hurt."

Then she walks over to little sis, tells her how beautiful she is and starts to tell her about her broken DVD player. Then she says "I had to buy another DVD player so I don't have any money for food." Little sis forks over $60!

There's more to the story than this but I'm getting so worked up writing this I'm just about to cry! I'll leave it for now and come back later. So, glad to have a place to just tell my stories, vent my feelings and get it off my chest.

NWGRITS

Ah, the guilt tripping and manipulation of an A. Nope, don't miss that one bit. My AM has been calling her former bf (aka former sugar daddy) and asking for money, and he hasn't given her a cent. He FINALLY caught her in a lie about finances, and cut her off. She told him she needed money for plane tickets to come see us when the baby's born, but he checked with me to make sure that she was still banned from seeing the kids. It's amazing that it took me cutting off contact for her world to start falling apart. And I don't feel the least bit guilty for it.

klong0712

NWGRITS, that must be the best feeling. To no longer feel responsible for your parent. For so many years I had to take on the role of parent with my AM and I'm not doing it any more. I have a husband and a child who need me and she needs to take care of herself. I do wonder if she'll pull herself together when I cut her off or if she'll just fall apart. If she falls apart, I need to remember, I am not responsible for her her problems. She needs to grow up and take care of them herself.

NWGRITS

I stayed for YEARS because of this dilemma right here. If I didn't take care of her, who would? If I didn't stay to take care of my 90-year-old grandmother, who would? Turns out that they both made their beds by choice and it didn't matter what I did or didn't do. I finally left. Nothing much changed there until recently, and it wasn't my fault.