sophiasunshine

Im just wondering how you others do it, my friends like to go out for a few drinks and normally drink wine etc when we all meet up in weekends, do you avoid pubs and social meetings like this? I am nervous and feel this will be hardest part for me, I don't want to meet my friend this weekend at all

penny74

You can try to avoid all sorts of things but you would be sitting home all the time.
It's better to get strong enough and have enough confidence in yourself to be able to handle such situations.
There must come a time when these things don't bother you anymore.
Then you know you are onthe right track.
Keep working on it.. !!

Quinne

I'm pretty cautious about heading to anything that can be deemed an "old environment". If I am feeling up to it, I can make an exception if drinking is NOT the sole focus. For example, if a band I like are playing; I feed off that energy and really do get a buzz from it I have about 10 people I can call and leave my pride at home, so the option is *always* there to make an exit if I feel uncomfortable!

Dee74

Hi Sophia

I had to make some pretty big changes in my life - both in the people I hung around with and the places I used to hang around in, at least for a while.

Recovery was that important to me, and I'm not sorry I did it that way.

It was difficult to do, but it was more difficult for me to try and stay sober in the old life I led, cos that revolved around alcohol almost exclusively.

Do you have any friends who don't drink, or freinds who'd be prepared to meet you for coffee, or for a movie, a jog, flying kites...anyting but the same old same old in a pub?

D

ThisStopsNow

Hey,

I just started my road to recovery and on my 4th day, my friends said let's go out for Monday Night Football but I will warn you, there will be drinking involved so we understand if you don't want to come out. I think the key to surviving social situations is making sure your friends or at least close ones are aware you have a drinking problem and have stopped drinking. Once they are aware of that, if they are true friends they will respect your decision a lot. Also, I told my friends, make a big deal if I start asking for beers and make it embarassing so I realize that I should never ever do that.

Well, I decided that night, you know what, I should face my temptation in person. With the way society is, you will never be able to fully hide from alcohol unless you want to be a hermit or have found a rare group of people who always stay away from alcohol. So with that knowledge, I was like, I gotta man up and make sure I have the will power. I went and I had a big craving for some beer, but I kept telling myself, no do not give in, that would be dishonorable especially now that I have admitted that there is a problem. The craving went away over time as I realized, hey all of us are still laughing and having a good time and no one is questioning my decision. I also realized, wow I can pay more attention to the game, have better jokes, have more respectable conversations and best of all, go home with the knowledge that I know my actions did not have any possibility of offending friends. (Honestly, that was one of the worst things about drinking in social situations. If it gets out of control, you can black out and have no idea if you offended someone or did something you normally wouldn't).

So in summary, my advice is, let your friends know of your problem. If they are true friends, they will support you and stick by you. You can have fun without alcohol and once you realize that it isn't necessary to have a good night out with friends, then you will most likely enjoy going out more than before.

I hope that this is helpful to you and I encourage you to continue down this wonderful path.

Anna

I would definitely avoid bars. Being in a drinking environment didn't work at all for me. Recovery is about so much more than 'not drinking'. It's about making changes in your life that enable you to deal with the ups and downs that come along and to be able to find joy, no matter what is going on in your life.

jennikate

I would avoid such situations as well. Especially in early recovery. I understand that alcohol is extremely prevelant in our culture and that avoiding it completely is impossible. That being said, I have no interest in an activity where drinking is the sole entertainment. I am slowly building new routines with friends which seemed weird at first because I am a creature of habit and had been doing some of these things for years. I am also making some new friends at AA who obviously don't drink. I figure change is good because what I was doing before was not going well for me at all.

onlythetruth

For the most part I avoided bars and events where there was likely to be serious drinking for the first year or so after I quit drinking. This wasn't a forever thing, I can go to them now with no trouble (although I don't necessarily enjoy them). But at first...it was just too difficult.

bryangt

You may have to make some changes in your choice of places to hang & who you hang with. The old saying goes, if you hang out at the barber shop long enough, sooner or later you'll get a haircut. Early in recovery, try not to 'test' yourself as much. If you go to AA/NA you may make 'new' friends who are striving for a sober lifestyle like you are and among them you may make friends. Be careful not to put yourself in tempting situations like bars & clubs. Now that I don't drink I have no desire to hang out in such places. And the friends (or at least I though they were friends) I used to hang out with, I really no longer see as they continue to hang at those places.

MIRecovery

Took me 1.5 years before I could be OK with drinking situations but I still avoid them where ever possible

bbthumper

Not for the first several months. But now I can go anywhere there is liqour provided I have a good reason for being there. Im not going to sit in a bar and "steal some vicarious pleasure" as the Big Book says, but if I can serve a purpose, Ill be there.

outdoors

I will not go to a bar for a happy hour, or a late night where drinking is the main focus. My friends understand and are more than happy to accommodate and tell me whats up so I don't end up in an uncomfortable situation.

I will, however, go to eat dinner at a pub- they have good food here. I didn't for a while, but for me, other peoples drinking isnt a real trigger for me. I am a very solitary drinker so grabbing a sandwich with someone who is having a beer doesn't bother me. This obviously isnt the case for a lot of people.

FreeFall

It's all new, and you've said you're nervous about it, so I would avoid the pubs for awhile until you're stronger. If you need to hibernate for awhile just do so, whatever keeps you on track.

For me, the pub situation was a challenge I felt I had to be able to do as almost my whole social life is in one small local bar. It's more like family and our living room actually. I go there regularly (also worked there this summer when I quit so I kind of had to) but don't feel the desire to go into any other drinking place.

smacked

I made some pretty significant life changes to support my recovery.. and I'm no longer friends with people who socialize by drinking. That's a lot to think about, but I was fighting for my life and I'm not about to flirt that closely with my old one.

backbeat

I wouldn't do it but that's just me, because I only drank in bars. Plus my bar-going friends drink to excess and I think it would just annoy me. Not only would I be tempted, but I would also lose patience with trying to have conversations with drunk people. For me it's just not something I'm interested in doing.

I could easily go to other kinds of functions if there were alcohol there, but the bar was my environment where I got tanked so it's very different.

I have a lot of interests & hobbies so I'd much rather find new friends interested in that than have to schlep to a bar to spend time with the old ones, since that's all they ever do.

Natom

The old adage from the rooms 'If you hang around the barbershop long enough you're going to end up getting your haircut' springs to mind. I'm lucky in that most of my social connections are either addicts or alcoholics. We meet up for coffee at coffee shops or in restaurants. But when I go out with someone who isn't in recovery I draw the line at pubs. I will go to a restaurant in a pub if the dining area is completely separete but I won't eat in a pub where the dining area is part of the bar.

craze283

I think each persons situations and ability to handle temptation is different but i think i agree with the part most agree on......early in sobriety it is probably best to avoid it all together. I personally have no problem in those environments now but have been sober 2 years. I think for the first 6 months i avoided it pretty much. I find it seems to be more uncomfortable for the rest of them when i am there but not drinking if that makes any sense. So i guess for me i am occasionally in that environment with no problem but i dont do it on a regular basis where the sole intent is just the drinking.

justhadenough

I would also avoid bars,especially in early recovery.Seeing people drink my drink of choice is a major trigger for me.

If your friends are true friends they will do non drinking things with you. If they aren't then you will soon see that.

Just imagine it-you are in a pub with your friends where you normally drink,everyone else is drinking.can you really hold out and not drink?

personally I've never seen the point of going to the pub,where drinking is the sole focus and NOT drink-but maybe that's just me