lillamy

You know how when you exercise, and you get sick or busy and don't do it for a couple of weeks, your body slowly loses its fitness?

It's the same thing with Working A Program.

I had this insight last night. It's really like a workout program. I can't rest on my laurels with my workouts or my recovery. Like they say up here -- salmon has to keep moving upstream, or they'll find themselves downstream.

So the new man in my life came over to have dinner with me and the kids. It was a normal everyday weekday dinner, he just happened to stop by. First, he was disappointed in the dinner I had made -- he's a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy and the kids had asked me to make something Asian. Then he was grumbling about something work-related. He was just not in a great mood. A doom-and-gloom attitude I haven't seen in him before.

And I immediately stepped into codie mode. I got nervous and wanted to make him a burger since he wasn't crazy about the dinner I had cooked. I felt edgy and nervous because he was in a bad mood. And then I got mad at him for being in a bad mood and shut down. Shut him out. Got quiet and just stopped talking to him.

I can see every step of the way where I fell right back into complete codependency: I made his feelings my own, I took responsibility for his feelings, I even took responsibility for his taste in food, for eff's sake! And then I got mad at HIM because I took all of that on.

*sigh*

Back to my program. Every day, you know. It works so much better that way. Just like working out does. Right now, I couldn't run five miles and right now, I can't function as a normie either. Good to know. Now for some action.

Tuffgirl

Old habits are hard to break, lillamy. But you were able to recognize it today - that's great!

So did you make that burger after all? ; )

4MyBoys

You saw what was happening and that is huge!!!! Be kind to yourself. Like riding a bike hop back on and keep going!

I so admire all your posts, you are doing awesome and are inspirational!

4MyBoys

wellnowwhat

An ill-tempered, ill-mannered (since when do they get to complain about the menu?), unexpected guest would get under my skin when I have already prepared an nice meal for me and my children to enjoy.

I guess knowing what to do with those feelings is why I need the program.

lillamy

He looked at me like I was nuts when I suggested it and said, "Seriously? I can make myself a sandwich!"

He's a good egg. I'm just a little beat up around the edges. I'll heal.

4MyBoys

Just point him at the bread and meat then.

lillamy

Point? In my house, the rule is that if you're over the age of 3 and you can't find the bread and meat yourself, you deserve to stay hungry. :lol

(See, that's what I'm aiming for. My codie self still makes school lunches for my kids who all have ages with two digits.)