Powerlessness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Powerlessness
Hey SR peeps....I worked late today (was feeling really productive), went food shopping, made some phone calls and now doing some laundry. Didn't crave a drink. At all. For the first time since I got sober (and before I guess) I feel clear headed. It's only 34 days and I am sensing some hope. Dare I say a little excited about the joys recovery may bring to me? I think I feel so well because of this....
If any of you saw my post Saturday night, I had the worst crave ever since I've been sober. At the AA meeting that night, the topic was powerlessness. I explained to my sponser yesterday how I didn't get that notion because thru that crave I fought...and won. So therefore I am NOT powerless. She said that it has more to do with what happens when I pick up that first drink. Do I become powerless to stop? Well yes. After my conversation with her yesterday, I started thinking about other areas of my life in which I felt or thought myself to be powerless. And it was like I had an "ah ha" moment. I am finally ready to say goodbye to those people and situations. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Why didn't I see this before? It seems so simple. But I am grateful. Today was an awesome day. Tomorrow may not be but for now, I'm hanging on to my progress. If any newbies like me are reading this and struggling, hang in there. I almost gave in just 2 nights ago and am so happy I didn't.
If any of you saw my post Saturday night, I had the worst crave ever since I've been sober. At the AA meeting that night, the topic was powerlessness. I explained to my sponser yesterday how I didn't get that notion because thru that crave I fought...and won. So therefore I am NOT powerless. She said that it has more to do with what happens when I pick up that first drink. Do I become powerless to stop? Well yes. After my conversation with her yesterday, I started thinking about other areas of my life in which I felt or thought myself to be powerless. And it was like I had an "ah ha" moment. I am finally ready to say goodbye to those people and situations. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Why didn't I see this before? It seems so simple. But I am grateful. Today was an awesome day. Tomorrow may not be but for now, I'm hanging on to my progress. If any newbies like me are reading this and struggling, hang in there. I almost gave in just 2 nights ago and am so happy I didn't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
You should feel really proud of yourself. One of the principles from Women in Sobriety is:
"I am responsible for myself and my actions." I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
It made me think of your strength and choice yesterday. Keep it up!
"I am responsible for myself and my actions." I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
It made me think of your strength and choice yesterday. Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
cool beans!!
when i got into AA, i knew i was powerless over alcohol. it was the my life was unmanagable part i had a problem with. i mentioned at a meeting that i didnt think my life was unmanagable. i just never tried to manage it. after the meting, the man who is now my sponsior came up to me and said," you dont even realize how insane that statement is,do you?" took a few days, but, man!! i didnt only see that my life was unmanagable, but so was my thinking!!
god thing "there was a solution for it.
13 months into recovery i was diagnosed with cancer. stage 3 melanoma. i learned through it that i am powerless over much more than alcohol: people,places, things, and even what goes on in my body.
when i got into AA, i knew i was powerless over alcohol. it was the my life was unmanagable part i had a problem with. i mentioned at a meeting that i didnt think my life was unmanagable. i just never tried to manage it. after the meting, the man who is now my sponsior came up to me and said," you dont even realize how insane that statement is,do you?" took a few days, but, man!! i didnt only see that my life was unmanagable, but so was my thinking!!
god thing "there was a solution for it.
13 months into recovery i was diagnosed with cancer. stage 3 melanoma. i learned through it that i am powerless over much more than alcohol: people,places, things, and even what goes on in my body.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Thanks guys! Yeh Mark it took me a month but I get it now lol and I love that quote delilah 
tomsteve- I talked w my sponser about life being unmanagable too and said I didn't feel mine was because I didn't lose anything (home, car, job etc) But as we talked some more, I realized I lost my dignity at times and my self-worth. Not to mention some overdraft fees from spending too much money on wine or a night out at the bar. Sheesh. What you said is so true...we ARE powerless over so many things. Being in recovery at least gives us power over drinking ...for once. I hope you are in good health
tomsteve- I talked w my sponser about life being unmanagable too and said I didn't feel mine was because I didn't lose anything (home, car, job etc) But as we talked some more, I realized I lost my dignity at times and my self-worth. Not to mention some overdraft fees from spending too much money on wine or a night out at the bar. Sheesh. What you said is so true...we ARE powerless over so many things. Being in recovery at least gives us power over drinking ...for once. I hope you are in good health Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I am 4 years in AA recovery and I am still finding unmanageability that existed in my life before recovery... Even though I still had family, house, job (though at significant risk) And, well, other areas of unmanageability even now, but I don't think that I am much different than other human beings in that regard. I do, however, have some tools I never had, and the ones I always had, I can use them more effectively.
tomsteve's experience is similar to mine... I didn't think my life was unmanageable because I never tried to manage it, LOL... That's awesome Tom, I identify.
tomsteve's experience is similar to mine... I didn't think my life was unmanageable because I never tried to manage it, LOL... That's awesome Tom, I identify.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I am finding that although I would love to be a "normal" person who can handle drinking, being in recovery allows me to go thru the journey of working the steps and REALLY getting to know myself. Guess I never really managed mine either. Just was going thru the motions. 4 years is great, I hope to say the same one day
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