Nevertell1

Hello,

I am so happy to have found this sight, it's very encouraging. I also want to say that there is an amazing bunch of people on this site-I have read so many honest and great inspiring things. I have been stalking this sight for months now-sounds creepy I know-but it's been with great intentions of finding my own strength for sobriety. So here is my story (in a large nutshell).

I have been a drinker for the past 17 years or so (I'm 38 now). I only drink in the evening into the night-I function fine during the day with the aid of eye drops and lots of water. Most nights I get enough sleep to feel ok after my wine. I quit both pregnancies (which amazed myself), it sure helped to be tired all the time, lol. After my second child was born, I swore I would never return to my wine habit. In hindsight, I said that same thing after my first was born and before I got pregnant a second time, I would barter with nature that I would quit for forever if I could just get pregnant one more time. As you can see-I failed every time. Before and after the 1st child was born, I would kill 3/4 a liter of wine nightly. After the 2nd child, I convinced myself that I only needed one 750 ml of wine, which I would (ok, do) sneak drink, I hide it in my work bag at home, under the bed-wherever. It's the embarrassing truth. I have in the past months decided to skip the glass-just drinking it from the bottle. On my worst nights on my way home, I have even bought the screw cap kind and taken swigs prior to getting to my house. How stupid I know.

Every morning I wake up and have a whole new outlook on life (tonight I will not drink). Once a month or so when I do manage that, I feel great the next day and enjoy having a memory of watching a movie or something, rather than a memory of rushing to get the kids to bed, so I can pound the wine and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. YET-every day faithfully around 3pm.....the weakness and rationalization sets in.....rather loudly even. Any idea why I can't keep the same motivation I have at 6am? Geesh.

I am so disappointed in myself and have no idea how I got to where I am. I guess I could blame my husbands free spirit (if you can't beat them-join them), however, I am the one that works in an industry where booze flows too easy-so maybe I was to blame for his constant drinking. Weird thing is that he can go for days....I cannot. I have told him I have a problem, but I think those closest to us are in just as much denial if not more when we confess. I just want to find a way to move past this, be a better mom, wife and yes-give my job more attention (the one that pays me).

So that's my LARGE nutshell. I appreciate any advice that someone might have for my particular situation.

Thank you so very much.

kam00096

Hey! I'm new too and did the hiding the wine bottle and swigging straight from it thing for years. I always figured I was managing to function but I wasn't really, just scrambling along from one bottle to the next. I've only been back on the site and not drinking for a couple of days but I know you'll get awesome support from everyone on here. And they do say the hardest part is admitting that you need to stop so good for us!!

pipparina

Welcome to SR. You found a great place to understand why you drink and can't stop. There are a lot of us who were just where you are now, but have managed to stop, stay sober, and be happy as well.
My suggestion is to decide you want to stop drinking (I think you've done that already). There is a thread on here labeled class of October, which are those that stopped drinking this month. Start posting on there and read the other posts so you can get some understanding about sobriety.

We've all started at day 1. It was scary, came with shame. But you are not alone. And you can lead a great sober life and never have to be a slave to that bottle of wine again

Dee74

Good to see you again nevertell
I'm glad you found your old thread too - there was a lot of good advice there

be prepared to make some changes...find support...and use it - you can do this

D

Anna

Maybe you could try journalling some of your thoughts when you're feeling motivated and then re-read them later in the day. Something that I found helped me in the first days was changing my routine. Drive home from work a different way, stop at a different store, go out for a walk right after supper, do whatever it takes to shake up your routine and get you through those difficult hours.

least

Welcome to the site! I credit my counselor and the people here for helping me get and stay sober - almost three years now. I know you'll find a lot of support here.

misterritter

One thing that has really helped me is reading stories of people's relapses on here. I am pretty sure nothing bad would happen long term if I went out and bought a bottle of whiskey and drank it all tonight or tomorrow and then quit. But what scares me is that I may not quit again. That is one reason I am maintaining my sobriety. I am worried that if I start again I may wake up years from now and wonder what happened. Because that's kind of where I am right now. I know what happened in years past but I am not totally happy with them and in attempting to make the coming years better I have decided that alcohol does not have a place.

Good luck and read and post on SR, it is very helpful.