ThisStopsNow

Hey everyone,

So this weekend was one of the toughest ones for me because I finally admitted that I have a drinking problem. Essentially, Thursday night, I was out with friends and got too hammered at a bar. They drove my car home and drove me home, I didn't remember a lot of that night. They said that I was getting upset with not getting a beer at the bar for 10 minutes and the reason why I didn't get a beer was because I was too drunk. Well, sadly, this isn't the first time that they took care of me. They had a talk with me the next day and described the massive ammounts of alcohol they have seen me take multiple times and said it is quite scary and they are concerned since I am a genuinely good guy and a great friend. They also told me that their favorite nights with me have been when I have one or two drinks. But sadly, one or two drinks no longer gives a good buzz for me due to my tolerance that has built up.

So, after that talk, I decided to do a lot of meditating and self reevaluation. I know my friends since college have told me yeah man, the times when you black out, you talk about stopping and say you will never do this again but, you never follow through with it. I was like wow, did I really say that because I honestly never remember saying that. It's happened multiple times and over time, especially this year, there have been more than a couple nights that I can't remember.

I also thought a lot about college and realized, at first I had wonderful control of alcohol. I could limit myself well and I had friends who would encourage the limiting and said I am a great example of a fun person who can get a buzz and take care of everyone. Then I got involved with the wrong crowd after the graduated. I got involved with some girls who drank a lot and encouraged a lot of drinking. Within the next couple of years, 5 shots in one night seemed like nothing to me. Now some weeks it's drink 3 to 4 times a week and it's more than the daily limit.

So on Friday, something inside of me woke up. It said dude you really do have a problem. Alcoholism is in your family and you are starting to look like your dad, you need to stop now before it has full control of you. It was a struggle, but I finally said yes, this is true. Then I admitted it to all my friends and they were proud of me. They have been very supportive.

Well Friday it was kinda rough since I am used to 5 to 8 shots usually on Friday. But when I got a craving I'd look at the bottle and yell to it, you are no longer in control, I will break your control and you will never ever run any part of my life. It was tough, but each time I would say that with more meaning even as I felt that it would help me sleep. I was anxious, but I kept at it thinking, if I give in now, I am doing a great dishonor to myself and my friends and it will not break the cycle I must resist.

Well I woke up the next day and I hadn't eaten much because I was stressed. I felt anxious and was thinking maybe that shot should have been taken. Then I downed a bunch of orange juice and milk and had a hearty breakfast and felt better. That night, I really wanted some wine with my dinner but I told myself no repeatedly. It was easier to say no with more meaning. A similar thing happened Sunday and it was easier and easier.

So, yeah now I am 3 days fully sober, first time in quite a while and I feel my mind starting to get much clearer and I am feeling like a part of me is reawakening that was dormant. I know that three days is nothing when you are recovering but, it feels like I am on the right track. So far all my friends have said, we have your back and we will make sure that you stick to this because we know that you finally want to change to help your life out and this speaks volumes to you being the genuine person we know. It's quite touching. But I know that this is only the beginning to conquering this problem that is developing.

MIRecovery

It was essiental for me to develop a sobriety plan. congrats on 3 days sober

Anna

Three days is great!

And, recognizing the addict voice for what it is, and dismissing it, is a big step forward.

I hope you keep posting.

ThisStopsNow

Thanks!

Yeah I do plan to keep people updated about this. Also, I drink with coworkers and sometimes managers are out with me, so it makes me go woah, this could be really bad. I have had a talk with many coworkers who drink with me and they said we are proud you. We have battled with alcohol in our past before and have overcame it, we recognized some early symptons in you and it had us concerned but we thought that you were like that because you just got out of college. So, it's nice to know that my work has my back.

They said, you can still come out to party with us but we will hold you responsible for not having any drinks and if we see you even reach for one, we will yell at you for it. So, it's nice to finally have mature friends who care. In college, people would be like dude you are a champ taking 5 shots in a row and then downing beers left and right yeah man! Now it's like alright that's cool sometimes but we are concerned and prefer moderation. My coworkers also said that when they admitted their problems to each other, other people gained a whole lot more respect for them for facing problems and dealing with them. It gives me some inspiration.

I just hope that I can continue with this intensity of wanting to solve what is developing into a problem. I also hope that as I post about my journey that it can help others.

flutter

Glad you're here... 3 days is huge.. every day is a giant success. Welcome!!

renaldo

That is awesome! I had two recovering alkie workmates, but they didn't talk about it. One of them had bolts in her head from a car accident. They had been removed by the time she started working with the company, but you could still see the scars. She just said, "it was hell," and I respected her privacy and didn't ask her for any more details.

Both of these women had replaced obsession with alcohol with obsession with work. They seemed to be perpetually stressed even though they hadn't drank for years.

You're very fortunate to have a support system at work. It takes one to know one (an alkie, I mean) and it's nice to know they've got your back. Congratulations on your resolve. Getting all maudlin in a blackout sucks when you can only imagine what you were saying the night before.

Alcohol can make us very infantile, and in some cases barbarian. I'm a more mellow introspective kind of person. I've never been particularly fond of being around loud mouthed, boisterous, drunk people.

least

Welcome to SR! Sounds like you've got some really supportive friends.

Thepatman

Things only get better and better from here friend. It's like leaving a prison, you are now free!

ThisStopsNow

Hey All,

I appreciate the support. Yeah, it's a crazy feeling. The fact that people at my work are wanting to help is amazing. Plus, it feels nice to ask people who I knew in college what they thought and if anything I did drunk scared them. It's nice to also do my best to clean up my past and to help people understand that I now know I have a problem. It's been very refershing and honestly an empowering way to convince myself, I can say no and eventually with the help of honest friends, relearn my self control. They all do tell me that the nights where I had one or two drinks only lead to absolutely great nights with good meaningful conversations.

It is a free feeling indeed. I am like wow, I really had no idea that alcohol does really numb you to feelings and makes food taste different. It's nuts how three days of sobreity for the first time in months actually makes my epic cooking taste even better and makes me appreciate the beauty around me even more than usual. I've always enjoyed what I do and where I am and my life, but now it feels like I am rediscovering an intensity to it that has been dormant for over a year or two. It's a very interesting phenomena that has me going wow, I never thought this would happen but it is.

Hope4Life

You have conquered the first obstacle by admitting you have a problem. I'm so glad that you have supportive friends all around you and have found SR.

I am now at more than 90 days, after 37 years of way too much beer every day. As a longtime Alcoholic from an Alcoholic family, I know that NEVER drinking Alcohol again is the ONLY way to beat this beast. I hope that you can stay strong and resist that first drink. Many of the good people on SR have thought, "Oh.... I can have a couple drinks now.... I'm Recovered!". The result, almost every time, is a slip back into the darkness of the past and a return to their old ways and worse.....

This statement in the above post concerns me...
"It's been very refershing and honestly an empowering way to convince myself, I can say no and eventually with the help of honest friends, relearn my self control."

The best method of self control for Alcoholic's like us is to NEVER DRINK AGAIN.

You are now on your way to a new life. A life w/o Alcohol will be INFINITELY better than having a battle with the beast till you die.

Keep us posted and remember that someone is ALWAYS here to help.

ThisStopsNow

Thanks a lot Hope.

Yeah you are right to be concerned with that. It's probably that part of my brain that is on the addiction that says that.

Though now I am starting to think of picking up something I have been intrested in for years. That is, teachning myself how to play the guitar. I'd love to play electric but, I have heard that acoustic is better. I think picking up a new hobby like this could be a good way to help defeat that part of me that is developing and addiction.

I do appreciate all the support and willingness to help. Means a lot.

ThisStopsNow

Here's an update everyone:

Today I called in sick from work because I wasn't feeling 100%. Later on in the day, my main supervisor called me and asked me if I was feeling better. I said, yeah I am but I still don't feel great. He said, that's good to hear that you are feeling better.

Then he asked if anything has been stressing me out lately at work or in my personal life. Then I was like oh crap, somehow he must be onto my drinking problem probably or something. I told him, yeah recently I have had a lot of personal things surface and I have been trying to find a way to deal with all of them in a mature matter and in a way that does not negatively impact my work performance. He then told me, I am very impressed with your character. You are a good man and a joy to work with, I hope that you can find a way to deal with any personal problems that you have. I found it to be pretty touching and it made me realize even more that I work with some great people and a supervisor who knows how to look out for the wellfare of his employees. That is very impressive. It inspires me to fix this problem even more. So far, the 4th sober day in a row is looking like a success.

freshstart57

I must have missed something here. In your posts, I see:

• Solid resolve to quit drinking
• Matching username (very good btw)
• Self awareness
• Ability to recognize Alcholic voice
• Support and understanding from friends
• Support and understanding from boss at work

It sounds to me as though you are much closer to the end of your problem that you think. Keep your confidence high, know that you no longer drink no matter what happens, and you are free. Onward!

Hevyn

ThisStopsNow - I'm sure that was very helpful, hearing from your supervisor and having such positive input. You are on your way to a new life. Congratulations on your 4th day.

Dee74

welcome to SR ThisStopsNow

D

s016

Great post first off. I'm interested in the process of handling not drinking in the business world. I have recently stopped drinking alcohol myself after a nearly identical relationship with it. It seems that, just like most of society, the business culture is heavily centered around alcohol whether it's a happy hour or entertaining clients. Any good tips out there for abstaining from drinking, but still being able to be successful in the social aspect of business?

electrichotpink

Three days is good!!! congrats!

Edabisco

it's a tough step, congratulations on making it! And welcome!

FreeFall

Welcome ThisStopsNow! Think about it like this, it's a problem that was developing. You are already taking steps to ensure it doesn't go any further.

I'm so glad you have honest and supportive friends both in and out of work. That should make the transition to a new lifestyle easier. You have a good start already. Just make sure that all that feeling good doesn't lead to those stupid thoughts of "I feel great, I controlled it for ___ days so it's not as bad as I thought" and start again. Best of luck and check in often

Delilah1

Congrats on three days, it sounds like you have an amazing network of friends. Use them and remember how good you feel right now. I am 11 days sober, and feeling better each day.