Synfull Vyxun

So tonight I was helping my technophobe A mum investigate her new phone, and found messages about me, to her best friend, my father, and my step dad, all nasty malicious lies,
the best friend says my mother does need to not get so paralytic, but the next message says I have no idea what I'm talking about and have talked rubbish (as I'm not allowed to swear) for the last 2 years, (as I have been trying to help her cut down, I managed to do it but she didn't) that I am trying the same approach as my step dad used to get mother to stop drinking, and obviously it's not working, so not to listen to me. My mother does say in at least two messages that she does know I am right and that she does need to cut down the drinking. This so called best friend dismisses them, she is also an alcoholic, with pot smoking/Alcoholic family, manipulative and very aggressive when drunk or just when she wants to be.
The messages to my stepfather are telling him that my mother wants him back, I have been lying to him about mother seeing other men behind his back, although he caught her cheating twice while they were together.
The messages to my dad say, all the teenagers in town have told my mother I am the biggest pot head in town, although I am 27, don't smoke anymore, and don't know any teenagers, apart from mothers best friends sons!!! She has told dad he must move to a bigger house so he can 'take me on' for awhile.
She has sent me to the doctors for anti depressants, she tells me I am hearing and seeing things, now this.
I have just sent a message to my ex boyfriend to ask if he will look after my cat for me, temporarily or permanently as I am going to try and get back to Australia.
I can't take any more backstabbing or ********. This is the end of it all. But the problem now is keeping my mouth shut and not shouting at her because she is so two faced, about her own only child.
I got the guilt trip earlier because we are both sick and wont be down in the pub tonight for the open mic nite, and her friend of over 30 years is coming back for the night, he used to stay here for a couple of months, and when he left he organized with her that he would come back this weekend. She asked me earlier if I had text him to let him know we are both sick and wouldn't be partying, he is her best friend, it is her pub, they sorted it together, but after he left he didn't send her a card or any thanks for letting him stay, so when he text me she would get pissed off and start shouting at me. Not my problem!!!! I take all this grief on the chin, and bottle it up. I know it's not good but I may explode and hurt her soon. she is being so stupid. I don't know how she can't see what she is doing. Its so frustrating!!!!
It feels so good to vent, and please no comments like' get out of there' 'run away' I have heard them all and now I am going to do it, I will get out of this mess she has made and dropped me in it. ;-(

yadayada

this sounds eerily familiar to me. my mom told me i am making her life hellish today. generally i am cooperative, do chores, and take care of her when she is sick. it is 100% because i sought help in dealing with her problem.

i don't want to put the focus on me, but i do want to note that just to remind you that this is very common and there's nothing you can do about the blame-shifting and lies. i hate it too.

NWGRITS

I remember all those times my AM told me, "Nobody in this family likes you." No wonder, with all the sh*t you say about me that isn't true. I don't miss riding on that crazy train one bit. I haven't talked to her since the beginning of July and I don't regret for one second going NC. It's actually brought me a bit closer to some of those people who used to not like me. Funny how that works...

Synfull Vyxun

yes it really is an eye opener, she tells me how much she loves me, and how much her friend does too, now I know the truth. I know if I confront her about these messages, she would deny them, so I took photos, I have videos of her throwing up on herself and carrying on drinking, I have photos and videos of her being taken advantage of by strange drunken men, I figure even if I don't show her, I can watch them myself when I feel weak and want to drink or she manipulates me to come back to her, when I eventually do leave. If I ever have children, and when they are old enough I will educate them thoroughly in this and make sure they know what to do to help themselves. but for now I must get out of this situation she has dragged me into, I have finally opened up to my family in my home country and they are going to try and help get me home asap.
So fingers, toes and everything else crossed, problem then is will I worry about her even more, and cant do anything because I will be 12 thousand miles away, how do I cut contact with her, even if I am that far away, she will still ring and give me guilt trips, how do I say to her to sort herself out and then contact me, if she wants to, do I tell her I will be waiting for my loving, caring mother to come back??? So many questions to find answers to.

frances2011

Sending you support for you to feel and own the TRUTH that belongs to you.

Support for you to take action to make your life safe, happy, and fulfilling.

My experience is that when I discovered how a family member truly felt about me, that I gained clarity. A light bulb went off. OH, I felt. *THAT'S WHY* It was so freeing to finally know that she didn't respect me. I felt a lot of puzzle pieces fall into place.

I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it.

My experience as an ACOA is that I was taught not to believe what I saw with my eyes and heard with my ears. I resonate with you taking photos of the messages. My experience is that having "proof" didn't make any difference.

Once I started acting from my own truth, a lot of things got easier and more peaceful for me. My choice was to go No Contact with a sibling. It hasn't been easy, but it's truthful and consistent with my experience and what's best for me.

Again, sending you support and thank you for sharing.

EveningRose

YES! I just posted about this in the no or low contact thread. It's so healing to share our experiences, to hear that someone else was given the I don't like you/we don't like you line. It's such a cruel thing, said with the assurance that if they don't 'like' you, it proves something bad about you. It's so hurtful, and so healing to find it's a commonly used line. It loses its power, knowing that.

I, too, have wondered if the years of feeling a little alienated from my extended family, of watching aunts and uncles have much closer relationships with my cousins than with me, has something to do with my mother's untruthful words about me all these years.

Like Frances says, having proof will probably do no good in convincing her that she did something wrong, but I think you're wise to keep it for your own clarification. Several times here, I've mentioned my father's dozen ugly voicemails. Two years later, they're still saved on my phone. You couldn't pay me to listen to them again, but somehow I feel better knowing I could play them for someone if I really needed to. And they're a solid reminder to me of what really happened, when I'm dealing with people who literally tell me (and people at my church) that I imagine it all, that none of it ever happened.

This is so true! So many things made sense, when I finally believed the unbelievable, that a mother and father really do feel that way about their daughter.

NWGRITS

I've always been the black sheep in the family. I never got why I had to badmouth people or hold myself above anyone else in order to fit in with the family. I guess in that way, God knew I'd need the insight to break away from the craziness eventually. I did feel left out sometimes, but overall, I was just tired of being stuck there with them. I wanted out so badly. People asked me all the time how I could just up and leave my family when we got our orders to the west coast. I would tell them that it's easy when you have a family like mine. They usually didn't push it too much after that.