Found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 3
Found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks sober.
I don't even know how to start but here goes:
I am 3 weeks sober and I just found out last night that I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have only slept with 1 person ONCE in the past 6 months and I guess all it took was that one time. The father was a drinking buddy of mine (he has no idea he is an addict/alcoholic and we stopped speaking when I got sober 3 weeks ago) that I randomly hooked up with after a night of boozing. I have had a lot of consequences from my drinking; jail, hospitals, institutions, car accidents, all around insanity yet never this. Ironic that I find out when I am finally sober.
I told the guy and he is completely ignoring me. I was trying to approach the situation with as much integrity as possible. I told him that I only told him because I think he had the right to know and that I think it is a big wakeup call for both of us. No response. That makes me feel incredibly alone and abandoned. I went to a meeting tonight and I definitely don't have the desire to drink or use over it but I don't know what to do about him. Do I just sever all contact? Do I demand contact? I am so confused.
::sigh::
I am 3 weeks sober and I just found out last night that I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have only slept with 1 person ONCE in the past 6 months and I guess all it took was that one time. The father was a drinking buddy of mine (he has no idea he is an addict/alcoholic and we stopped speaking when I got sober 3 weeks ago) that I randomly hooked up with after a night of boozing. I have had a lot of consequences from my drinking; jail, hospitals, institutions, car accidents, all around insanity yet never this. Ironic that I find out when I am finally sober.
I told the guy and he is completely ignoring me. I was trying to approach the situation with as much integrity as possible. I told him that I only told him because I think he had the right to know and that I think it is a big wakeup call for both of us. No response. That makes me feel incredibly alone and abandoned. I went to a meeting tonight and I definitely don't have the desire to drink or use over it but I don't know what to do about him. Do I just sever all contact? Do I demand contact? I am so confused.
::sigh::
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
wow. that's amazing news. not knowing the guy, i guess he's just going to take his time absorbing it. try to not take it personally. i don't think he's trying to be mean to you so much as he's shell shocked and doesn't know how to respond. heck, he's probably panicking up a storm. could be on a bender for all you know and not be in a state to respond to you yet. take care of yourself as best you can, keep him in the loop and keep gentle pressure on him for now is all i can think of. i hate that you're feeling alone and abandoned. i know i would feel the same way as well. but i really do think that he's probably focused on himself and what this could to to his life right now and isn't thinking about you and yours. it sounds harsh but people can be kinda self centered! i'm so glad you're not tempted to break you're sobriety. you're one tough chick. keep your sobriety close to you. it can only help you though all this. stay strong!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Welcome Alice. Congratulations on being 3 weeks sober x
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound as though you have done all you can about informing the father of the facts. I think for the moment, you need to switch the focus back onto you. Have you seen a doctor? Have you been honest with him about your drinking? I think you need support right now in working out what's best for you and your baby.
Do you have a support network in place of friends and family? It sounds as though you can write off this guy. At least for the time being.
Keep us posted.
Sending you good wishes x
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound as though you have done all you can about informing the father of the facts. I think for the moment, you need to switch the focus back onto you. Have you seen a doctor? Have you been honest with him about your drinking? I think you need support right now in working out what's best for you and your baby.
Do you have a support network in place of friends and family? It sounds as though you can write off this guy. At least for the time being.
Keep us posted.
Sending you good wishes x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
First off, take care of yourself! You told the father, which was the right thing to do. Now make him aware that this "problem" is his problem, too. I'm assuming you live in the US- if that's the case he's legally obligated to help support the child. Now, at the moment I'm proceeding from the assumption that you want to keep the child. Obviously if you don't, and the father doesn't want to deal with it, then you can proceed accordingly.
If you do keep it, what a gift sobriety is, and a timely one! There are so many problems that are potentially caused by drinking during pregnancy.
The first obvious thing is to see a doctor. There should be several low/no cost options if money is an issue. Then if your doctor thinks the pregnancy is safe for you and you decide to have the baby, look into your rights vs. the father re child support. Don't do it for you, do it for the child.
If you do keep it, what a gift sobriety is, and a timely one! There are so many problems that are potentially caused by drinking during pregnancy.
The first obvious thing is to see a doctor. There should be several low/no cost options if money is an issue. Then if your doctor thinks the pregnancy is safe for you and you decide to have the baby, look into your rights vs. the father re child support. Don't do it for you, do it for the child.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 3
Thanks so much for the feedback, much appreciated!
@ displacedgrits I think you are probably right about being on a bender. If I was a guy and actively using that is probably exactly what I would do too, especially finding out on a Friday and Saturday night..doesn't help.
I have my first doctors appt Monday. I am nervous because I was drinking so heavily the first 5 weeks that the baby is hurt so hopefully I can get some answers then.
@ displacedgrits I think you are probably right about being on a bender. If I was a guy and actively using that is probably exactly what I would do too, especially finding out on a Friday and Saturday night..doesn't help.
I have my first doctors appt Monday. I am nervous because I was drinking so heavily the first 5 weeks that the baby is hurt so hopefully I can get some answers then.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Wow Alice. That sounds like it's an awful lot to take in so early in recovery. Firstly, you have to look at for you. Get yourself through it. Maybe if you're a spiritual person pray about the situation. I'll bust a prayer out for you tonight.
Natom.
Natom.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orillia, Ont., Canada
Posts: 165
I totally agree with the post of Myth of Sisyphus--the guy has inccurred legal obligations, and even if you think now that demanding that he bear his financial responsabilities to be demeaning, babies do cost money, and allowing him to avoid paying his share is unfair to both you and your coming baby. I am glad that you are addressing the medical issues now, but try not to sweat things before they happen; likely, the baby will be fine and your stressing about it now is not going to alter things, other than your seeing a doctor as soon as you have arranged to is a positive thing for you to do, as will be following his advise. Other than that, while the guy may think he can ignore you, he would likely finds it easy to ignore the laws regarding support, so do something positive for the baby and ensure that he or she gets the support they will be entitled to; didtasteful to you now, maybe, but something that you will regret not having done if you ignore it now----best of luck to the both of you, and congrats on seeking to give the baby the best gift he'll ever get, a sober Mom
----Rick
----Rick
Last edited by ricmcc; 10-21-2012 at 01:57 AM. Reason: typo
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
Alice,
I'm sorry that this is a difficult situation for you.
I'm really glad you're seeing the dr very soon and it sounds like you're planning to be honest with him, which is the very best thing you can do.
I think you should focus on yourself and your baby-to-be and leave the father to decide what he wants to do. You did the right thing in telling him, but beyond that, I think it's wait and see.
I wish you all the best.
I'm sorry that this is a difficult situation for you.
I'm really glad you're seeing the dr very soon and it sounds like you're planning to be honest with him, which is the very best thing you can do.
I think you should focus on yourself and your baby-to-be and leave the father to decide what he wants to do. You did the right thing in telling him, but beyond that, I think it's wait and see.
I wish you all the best.
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