Lyingdog

and tactics used to remind yourself that you are a TRUE alcoholic and you DO have the obsession of the mind for alcohol and the physical allergy that gets triggered after a drink or two?
I seem to let my obsession of the mind talk me into thinking I am just a heavy drinker after 6 or 7 days of sobriety. I have not made it past the first 3 steps yet and I am sure step four will help and also step 10.
Should I write down the way I feel when I am willing to admit that I am powerless and do have an obsession and the physical allergy and read t every morning and every evening. Tape it on my steering wheel or maybe even record it and use it as my ring tone LOL
Every morning I wake up happy to be sober but most every night, especially weekends, I have a very hard time fighting back the obsession.
PS I love this board and I am happy to be part of the class of October 2012. I hope I can say that in October of 2062. But I know it is a one day at a time process.

NewHouse2012

I just think that I want to remember everything and that I will risk not being able to remember my life if I drink. I am terrified of blackouts and terrible hangovers. I hate them with a passion.
Just think of your worst self while drinking or the worst consequences while drinking and that may help a little.

quitforme79

Hey lyingdog, I am just over a month sober and still having the obsession to drink at times...especially at nights and on weekends as well. I know I am not a normal drinker because if I were, alcohol wouldn't be such a chore to abstain from. I keep thinking of what will happen if I do drink. My crave doesn't want a glass of wine, it wants 4 or more. And once I pass two there's no telling what may happen. I am sure some people w much longer recovery will come along soon and have some good advice for you

Mark75

I have some "photographs" in my mind that I keep handy... Recollections of moments that leave little doubt... One I'm not afraid to share is... Waking up, at 2 am, craving a drink... sneaking out of the house so no one will hear me, creeping out to my car where that pint of vodka is stashed under the front seat, and tipping it up, draining it in the moonlight, alone, in the driveway... Works every time, LOL... I have others.

But really, if you are following the 12 steps of AA, it's time to move on to the other steps... 2 and 3 for sure... Because in 3, if you turn your will over, then it's not up to you, anymore... I found that I could unburden myself of those wrestling, squirreling thoughts.

Anna

Like Mark, I have some 'instant mind photos' that save the day for me. I guess I'm lucky because I am so grateful to have the reasonably balanced life that I have now. It's not just the drinking and its aftermath, I never want to go back to the horribly dark place where I lived for so long. And, I know that drinking will take me back there in the blink of an eye.

Writing down your thoughts is a good idea. Keep the notes handy and allow the words to penetrate your mind when you feel like you might compromise your sobriety. And, good for you for being proactive.

Veritas1

I think the concession that I am an alcoholic. If I can come here, or call someone and concede that I am alcoholic, it helps keep a real step one.

Pen to paper is good for me to write out what really happened, or my own very experience, if I am able to face and realize it....helps me see my truth.

Reading the Doctor's Opinion, and seeing where my drinking lines up, reading pages 86-88, and listening to AA speakers helps me to keep the reality of my drinking present. I cannot tell how you much investing 75.00 in a sony walkman mp3 player and downloading AA speakers to listen to has been.

I can listen and work, cook, clean, rest, meditate, take a break, all while listening to AA speakers who tell the truth about drinking. I can listen and never delude myself, if I keep myself immersed in the truth. I think that is why meetings are helpful. Always be on your way to a meeting...a friend told me...like tapping into the power...of the group, and the ultimate power that resides in the group.

Calling my sponsor, or another friend and member of AA or coming here, helps me. I keep a large print AA big book on the table next to my bed. I have a notebook and have written out pages 86-88 with it.

I can tell you however, that I have done alot of writing, learning, reading, listening, but sometimes...the work I had done was nowhere in my mind when I took that first drink.

That is my human power trying to save me.

The only one that can really save me is God.

I have to remember to pray, and seek God so He can remove my problem. I forget though. I still try to manage and take credit for my sobriety.

I have created and established a new routine that keeps me in the AA program. It keeps alcoholism very real to me.

Lyingdog

I am having a hard time "turning it over". I am a Christian and you would think this would be an easy step for me. Maybe I am expecting something that is not reality. Can you share your experiance with me? Maybe I just don't get it. I have listened to Joe and Charley explain it but I still struggle.
Thanks to all for your reply. Thanks for caring. That's the thing I love about AA. We truly care about one another.

Mark75

LOL... yea, that's a big one. Mine came unexpectedly, in through the back door.

I was in the garage, getting squirrelly in those thoughts... mostly questions, the big one of course : "How am I gonna be happy, have fun, do the things I want, without being able to drink?" I was really bummed about that... "my life is over", all that, a hot mess... But I knew I couldn't drink. I had stopped the pills without too much trouble, didn't want them anymore, I could certainly imagine life without them... but not being able to drink a beer with the guys, a glass of wine with dinner???

I decided that I would step aside, give that up and, well, trust Him... give Him a chance to work in my life... and to do that, I really did have to begin to turn my will... my will, the thing that was making me sooooo miserable, that had brought me sooo much heartache, for me and my wife... my will... had to just turn it over and let Him... give Him a chance to work His will in my life... I knew I'd have to be patient, but it turns, not as long as I thought it would be...

It works, truly. Trust Him, don't just believe, but trust... I heard it said once... Having faith is like knowing that the guy on the bike on the high wire at the circus will make it to the other side... Trust is climbing up on the handlebars for the ride...



Climb aboard!

Lyingdog

Thanks Mark... You have some good stuff! That realy helps and, in fact, brings back memories. I was so involved in church and I practiced my belief to the fullest. I even preached a few sermons. Talk about falling away. I went through problems with my wife (that actually brought me closer to God.... Until I started drinking) after we worked it out and started drinking together I turned and walked away without even realizing it.
Thanks Mark... I needed to hear that!
I am on my way back!!!!

YVRguy

Hey LyingDog

One thing that helped me was looking at both pieces of Step 1. Powerless over alcohol and life was unmanageable. Now my sponsor asked me as part of my work on step 1 to look at my thinking and whether it was manageable. It sure wasn't and isn't so that let me accept the powerless part much easier. I had many examples where I knew I should not have picked up but I did , and even in mid binge I knew it was totally the wrong thing to be doing.

Now I had an ever increasing amount of chaos and pain associated with each binge so my bottom came up to smack me in August. I was licked and I felt it to my core. After all I had tried I was not able to win the battle so admitting defeat and surrender was the the viable option available to me.I think that really brought the powerless piece was/is as clear as day. The unmanageable situation I was in was clear but looking back I skipped over how unmanageable my routine and thinking had been.

I guess every one is different but I had a good piece of step 1 before I got back to the rooms. I have written every day , often many times a day in a journal. That helps me out a great deal. I note meeting topics and share on these pages my thoughts. I also make notes during the day. This helps me from letting my mind wind around stuff too long as I see my obsessive thinking it hardly just about alcohol...its a great deal more.

From meetings I never have to try and rethink how bad things were, I get a moment to reflect on that every day and feel grateful that today I have relief from that.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Lyingdog.

Mark mentioned that he has some photos in mind, while I have real photos.

I am just on my Day 6. And for some uncontrolled urges to drink a glass of wine I keep in my cellphone a picture of myself which I took on one morning when I had a terrible hangover. I looked really scary. If I met this person in the street, I would not recognize her and wouldn't feel anything but pity. It reminds me what I am turning into if I start with just one "harmless" glass of wine. It is not that fundamental and universal as God or AA, but works for me.

Have a great Saturday.

artsoul

I came here a lot in the early days. I spent years justifying/minimizing my drinking, and those thoughts didn't go away immediately. Coming here and reading helped a lot..... it wasn't coincidence that I identified with all the stories here!

The longer I stayed sober, the less power those thoughts had over me and the easier it was to accept my alcoholism. A lot of thoughts go through our heads but we don't have to buy into all of them - we can choose to let them go.

Hang in there....

427

Someone posted a while back to take pictures of yourself through the stages.... I thought that was a really good idea (lol! While typing this I did a typo of "god" instead of "good" -- hmmm!). I want to see the circles under my eyes go away!!

Admiral

The broccoli post in another forum section helps me realize the problem. I don't obsess about whether or not broccoli will be served at a dinner, how much of it I can have, or how I can get more, I just eat it and that's it, I don't care after that.

Do I think of alcohol in the same way? Do I try to convince myself that I can eat vegetables normally and that I don't have a problem? No, it's never crossed my mind, that is how normal people view alcohol, it's just part of a meal or something on the side.

tomsteve

after reading the posts here i am gonn go with yer talkin about the 12 steps of AA. i am glad ya want to do the steps, however, wihtout the 1st step, the rest dont help.
heres what i did with my sponsor and what i do with others:
go through " tehe doctors opinion" and " more about alcoholism" . read it and understand what the craving, compulsion, and obsession is. them write down what my definition of powerless over alcohol is and examples of it in my( their) lives. then go through those 2 chapters and understand what the BB is talking about unmanagable. then write down my ( their) definition of what unmanagable is and examples of it in my life.

please get a sponsor who understands the steps and is practicing the principles. the steps are put in the order they are for a reason.
this is a good pamphlet that can help ya understand the steps,too
A Guide to the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous