Hello and so so scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Hello and so so scared
Hi guys I just posted something very similar to this on the class of october 2012 thread but thought I'd say hello here too. I hope that's ok? Was on here a lot earlier in the year but have slipped again so today is day one. The trouble i have is that I'm a complete idiot. I have emetophobia which is a phobia of vomiting. I started using alcohol as a way to calm the near constant panic at the thought of being sick and I still fall back to it when I feel nauseous. Of course the ultimate irony is that although I feel better for a little while I then wake up hungover and sick and so drink again to feel better. I had a lot of wine yesterday and decided this morning to break the cycle again but now I'm feeling very sick and scared. In the past I've had withdrawal bad enough to make me throw up so if anyone has any tips to avoid it this time I'd appreciate it. And I know I deserve to feel bad but I am having a massive panic attack and it's horrific. Sorry this is long. Am just so scared right now
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Hi 
Funny isn't it.... I have that phobia too! but by the end of my drinking life I was vomiting dry-retching daily. I also drank to the point of getting liver disease! My advice is to see your doctor. I have anti-emetics for my nausia (which is brought on by anxiety) or he may treat your anxiety. You could also look into cognative behavural therapy too.
Funny isn't it.... I have that phobia too! but by the end of my drinking life I was vomiting dry-retching daily. I also drank to the point of getting liver disease! My advice is to see your doctor. I have anti-emetics for my nausia (which is brought on by anxiety) or he may treat your anxiety. You could also look into cognative behavural therapy too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
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That's really interesting. I've never met anyone else with the same problem. I'm on an emet forum and everyone but me avoids alcohol like the plague. I've got anti emets but they're really not working this morning and I'm seeing a psychologist but it's clearly not helping. Am actually shaking from head to toe right now and do feel really really sick. Just so scared and can't believe I've done this to myself again
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Maybe a nice warm shower, comfy pjs, a warm tea with honey, breathe, pray, rest, eat something healthy.
The first days are tough, but each day gets better.
Wine hangovers were the worst.
All that sugar. I found sugar to be helpful when withdrawing.
Maybe drinking some healthy juice would be good.
The first days are tough, but each day gets better.
Wine hangovers were the worst.
All that sugar. I found sugar to be helpful when withdrawing.
Maybe drinking some healthy juice would be good.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
This place is the only thing stopping me from totally losing it today. Fear and self pity are such an ugly combination. Between the phobia and drinking I have ruined everything. Am 28, no job, no friends, living at home with my parents ( I feel constantly guilty for letting them down) ruined my relationship etc etc
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Okay, so we have defined the problem. Now let's define an action plan that you can apply day by day.
The AA Program helps me. I have my big book and I read that. I have a sponsor who I can call. There are meetings which you can go to for support. I love listening to AA speakers. I come to SR daily. I pray and ask God for help daily.
There is so much you can do. Hang in there.
The AA Program helps me. I have my big book and I read that. I have a sponsor who I can call. There are meetings which you can go to for support. I love listening to AA speakers. I come to SR daily. I pray and ask God for help daily.
There is so much you can do. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Try to focus on the good things Kam - you're back here, among friends, and ready to fight your addiction again - this time to win
You're miles ahead from where you where just yesterday
There's plenty of time to fix things up.
Try to take things one step at a time. Todays all about not freaking out and hopefully not being sick
D
You're miles ahead from where you where just yesterday
There's plenty of time to fix things up.
Try to take things one step at a time. Todays all about not freaking out and hopefully not being sick
D
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Self-pity is one of our worsest enemies, I think. It makes you lose hope and leaves no room for self-improvement. I have job, good friends, but still feel self-pity from time to time. I am trying to tell myself that I have two legs, two arms, a head, can breathe and walk. So where are ACTUAL reasons to feel self-pity. It is all in my head.
I am sure that you can find at least one good thing in your life)
I am sure that you can find at least one good thing in your life)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Hi Kam,
This really does sound awful. I feel for you.
I have never heard of anything like this before. An AA meeting might give you temporary relief in listening to people who engage in self-defeating behaviors, but your situation is very specific. You don't like vomiting, and the stress of the thought of possibly vomiting makes you turn to alcohol, which is the last thing you want to use if you want to avoid vomiting.
I would recommend Googling behavioral specialists in the field of eating disorders. A therapist with experience in your particular situation is the only thing that's going get to the root of this.
You don't need to answer here, but give some thought to the rest of your diet. Do you eat a regular amount or do you eat less in the fear of vomiting? Do you have a fear of ongoing nausea or is it just the actual act of throwing up? Would you rather deal with really bad nausea for 45 mins. than spend 2 mins throwing up?
Personally, if I feel like vomiting is looming on the horizon and it doesn't come, I just stick my finger down my throat and get it over with. It's better than feeling nauseous for who knows how long.
Did you ever see the film Freeway 2? The female star was a teen in a girls home where a number of them were bulimics. They'd sneak off and smoke cigarettes and sit around a plastic garbage can and pig out on junk food and purge into the garbage can. That's what they considered a party.
When one of the staff found out about this, all the girls were given an injection that prevented vomiting. I don't know if it prevented nausea, but I guess it loosened the muscles necessary to throw up to where they couldn't do it any more.
If you just see a medical doctor and say you want to prevent vomiting and are given a prescription, that's not going to stop the root cause of your fear. I think that's going to require a behavioral therapist. I don't care what people say on here. AA is not a one-size-fits-all answer for every problem.
Good luck.
This really does sound awful. I feel for you.
I have never heard of anything like this before. An AA meeting might give you temporary relief in listening to people who engage in self-defeating behaviors, but your situation is very specific. You don't like vomiting, and the stress of the thought of possibly vomiting makes you turn to alcohol, which is the last thing you want to use if you want to avoid vomiting.
I would recommend Googling behavioral specialists in the field of eating disorders. A therapist with experience in your particular situation is the only thing that's going get to the root of this.
You don't need to answer here, but give some thought to the rest of your diet. Do you eat a regular amount or do you eat less in the fear of vomiting? Do you have a fear of ongoing nausea or is it just the actual act of throwing up? Would you rather deal with really bad nausea for 45 mins. than spend 2 mins throwing up?
Personally, if I feel like vomiting is looming on the horizon and it doesn't come, I just stick my finger down my throat and get it over with. It's better than feeling nauseous for who knows how long.
Did you ever see the film Freeway 2? The female star was a teen in a girls home where a number of them were bulimics. They'd sneak off and smoke cigarettes and sit around a plastic garbage can and pig out on junk food and purge into the garbage can. That's what they considered a party.
When one of the staff found out about this, all the girls were given an injection that prevented vomiting. I don't know if it prevented nausea, but I guess it loosened the muscles necessary to throw up to where they couldn't do it any more.
If you just see a medical doctor and say you want to prevent vomiting and are given a prescription, that's not going to stop the root cause of your fear. I think that's going to require a behavioral therapist. I don't care what people say on here. AA is not a one-size-fits-all answer for every problem.
Good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by renaldo 
Hi Kam,
This really does sound awful. I feel for you.
I have never heard of anything like this before. An AA meeting might give you temporary relief in listening to people who engage in self-defeating behaviors, but your situation is very specific. You don't like vomiting, and the stress of the thought of possibly vomiting makes you turn to alcohol, which is the last thing you want to use if you want to avoid vomiting.
I would recommend Googling behavioral specialists in the field of eating disorders. A therapist with experience in your particular situation is the only thing that's going get to the root of this.
You don't need to answer here, but give some thought to the rest of your diet. Do you eat a regular amount or do you eat less in the fear of vomiting? Do you have a fear of ongoing nausea or is it just the actual act of throwing up? Would you rather deal with really bad nausea for 45 mins. than spend 2 mins throwing up?
Personally, if I feel like vomiting is looming on the horizon and it doesn't come, I just stick my finger down my throat and get it over with. It's better than feeling nauseous for who knows how long.
Did you ever see the film Freeway 2? The female star was a teen in a girls home where a number of them were bulimics. They'd sneak off and smoke cigarettes and sit around a plastic garbage can and pig out on junk food and purge into the garbage can. That's what they considered a party.
When one of the staff found out about this, all the girls were given an injection that prevented vomiting. I don't know if it prevented nausea, but I guess it loosened the muscles necessary to throw up to where they couldn't do it any more.
If you just see a medical doctor and say you want to prevent vomiting and are given a prescription, that's not going to stop the root cause of your fear. I think that's going to require a behavioral therapist. I don't care what people say on here. AA is not a one-size-fits-all answer for every problem.
Good luck.
This really does sound awful. I feel for you.
I have never heard of anything like this before. An AA meeting might give you temporary relief in listening to people who engage in self-defeating behaviors, but your situation is very specific. You don't like vomiting, and the stress of the thought of possibly vomiting makes you turn to alcohol, which is the last thing you want to use if you want to avoid vomiting.
I would recommend Googling behavioral specialists in the field of eating disorders. A therapist with experience in your particular situation is the only thing that's going get to the root of this.
You don't need to answer here, but give some thought to the rest of your diet. Do you eat a regular amount or do you eat less in the fear of vomiting? Do you have a fear of ongoing nausea or is it just the actual act of throwing up? Would you rather deal with really bad nausea for 45 mins. than spend 2 mins throwing up?
Personally, if I feel like vomiting is looming on the horizon and it doesn't come, I just stick my finger down my throat and get it over with. It's better than feeling nauseous for who knows how long.
Did you ever see the film Freeway 2? The female star was a teen in a girls home where a number of them were bulimics. They'd sneak off and smoke cigarettes and sit around a plastic garbage can and pig out on junk food and purge into the garbage can. That's what they considered a party.
When one of the staff found out about this, all the girls were given an injection that prevented vomiting. I don't know if it prevented nausea, but I guess it loosened the muscles necessary to throw up to where they couldn't do it any more.
If you just see a medical doctor and say you want to prevent vomiting and are given a prescription, that's not going to stop the root cause of your fear. I think that's going to require a behavioral therapist. I don't care what people say on here. AA is not a one-size-fits-all answer for every problem.
Good luck.
I hate nausea but will battle it for hours and hours rather than letting myself relax and just be sick. Have stayed up literally shaking from head to toe all night when I've felt bad. And I've got loads of anti emetic tablets but they don't actually help all that much as most of the nausea I do get is purely from anxiety and not real nausea at all.
Anyways will stop moaning now. Feel a lot better for having a vent!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by kam00096
Yeah I've thrown a lot of different things at both the phobia and the drinking over the last year or so. Went to alcohol couselling but they pretty much said they couldn't really help because of the reasons behind the drinking. Then I started seeing a psychologist which did actually help. Unfortunately she left suddenly in April and instead of transferring me to someone else there was a mix up and they signed me off. It's taken until now to get back to the top of the waiting list and I saw someone new last week. Like most people she'd never heard of the phobia so I'm not sure how much help she'll be. I've also tried CBT, exposure therapy, hypnosis and acupuncture with little success.
I hate nausea but will battle it for hours and hours rather than letting myself relax and just be sick. Have stayed up literally shaking from head to toe all night when I've felt bad. And I've got loads of anti emetic tablets but they don't actually help all that much as most of the nausea I do get is purely from anxiety and not real nausea at all.
Anyways will stop moaning now. Feel a lot better for having a vent!
I hate nausea but will battle it for hours and hours rather than letting myself relax and just be sick. Have stayed up literally shaking from head to toe all night when I've felt bad. And I've got loads of anti emetic tablets but they don't actually help all that much as most of the nausea I do get is purely from anxiety and not real nausea at all.
Anyways will stop moaning now. Feel a lot better for having a vent!
You said:
most of the nausea I do get is purely from anxiety and not real nausea at all
What about the alcohol? That can't possibly help nausea. It sounds to me like there's some deeply seated thing at your core if you would prefer to endure hours of nauseous torture to the point where you're shaking from head to toe rather than just "let it out."
I can imagine you lying there in bed trying desperately to keep from throwing up, suppressing the vomit. Alcohol in excess is poison and your body is telling in no uncertain terms to eject it. You're retaining poison and it's just making you sicker.
I'm not saying don't go to AA. It can't hurt, but if you can't find a specialist who is familiar with this disorder, you may end up feeling alienated at an AA meeting if no one there shares your experience.
Since you're not sure how useful this new psychologist will be, having never heard of the disorder, I would recommend scouring the web for info. You can't be the only one. And from what you say, you're not, but you're the only one who treats it with alcohol. It's a real niche thing, so I'd say the web can help you narrow things down until you at least can find someone who can point you in the right direction.
Best of luck to you.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Sounds like you've tried everything but AA....It might be worth shot....And it's free so if you don't like it you're not out anything. I had terrible anxiety at the end of my drinking and it made me sick like that...Pure fear. I fixed that with no medication...I went to meetings....Got a sponsor to guide me and I worked the steps. That was all I needed...I'm living happy...Almost 16 months without a drink...It works...For millions. I'd recommend you talk honestly with a doctor...And go sit in on few AA meetings...Just go and listen.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Thanks for all the replies guys! It's tough because I don't really fit any of the 'normal' categories for being emet or alcoholic but am definitely both. I will keep fighting it and do feel so much better having spent a while on here
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Kam, there is not "normal" alco categories. Alcohol is abnormal by its nature, so each of us has our own history.
You know, a great writer Leo Tolstoy said: "All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way".
I think it relates to those who are alco or drug addicted as well.
So, stop bugging yourself about being "not normal acoholic". You need help, and that what matters.
Hope, you'll feel better soon.
You know, a great writer Leo Tolstoy said: "All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way".
I think it relates to those who are alco or drug addicted as well.
So, stop bugging yourself about being "not normal acoholic". You need help, and that what matters.
Hope, you'll feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Trying to go anything like this alone is so difficult. We're here to provide support, even if your situation is unique. Don't ever hesitate to vent. At least you can "let it all out" in written form, if not physical. I imagine you need a multiple pronged approach, not just AA, using the forum here, a psychologist and/or behavioral therapist, but a combination of some or all of them. There are non-secular support groups too that offer an alternative to AA if you go to the root page (Drug Rehabilitation | Drug Addiction Treatment Center | Alcoholism | Addiction Mental Health | Directory Substance Abuse Detox Programs | SoberRecovery).
At least those support groups are free, so you can check them all out. If they don't meet in your area, you can at least get info on the web and put some of their techniques into practice and see if they help.
I imagine it must double your stress to think about being around people if you're trying to suppress throwing up a good portion of the time. So you can start from home with info you glean from the web.
I can't help but think that this must go back to your childhood - and you're living with your parents, so you're right there at the source. Are your parents the same ones who raised you or is there a step parent involved?
Do your parents let you drink at home or do you go out? Or do you hide it at home? Do social situations stress you out? What do you do while you're drinking wine? Something enjoyable? What are your interests? Hobbies? Do you spend time with enjoyable activities, or is this preoccupation with nausea all-consuming?
At least those support groups are free, so you can check them all out. If they don't meet in your area, you can at least get info on the web and put some of their techniques into practice and see if they help.
I imagine it must double your stress to think about being around people if you're trying to suppress throwing up a good portion of the time. So you can start from home with info you glean from the web.
I can't help but think that this must go back to your childhood - and you're living with your parents, so you're right there at the source. Are your parents the same ones who raised you or is there a step parent involved?
Do your parents let you drink at home or do you go out? Or do you hide it at home? Do social situations stress you out? What do you do while you're drinking wine? Something enjoyable? What are your interests? Hobbies? Do you spend time with enjoyable activities, or is this preoccupation with nausea all-consuming?
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