tmarieg

Just wanted to introduce myself. I am Tina, 31 yrs old, live in Northern CA. I took my last drink on Saturday, Oct 13th. It has been almost one week.

I began drinking a few years ago after a bout of bone cancer that left my jawline somewhat changed for the worst; I have had 16 surgeries since 2005 and have more to go, but am taking a break from them for a bit. The stress of my multiple surgeries and being a stay at home mom led me to drink more and more to dull the pain, the stress in my life- and the boredom of being around kids all day. Dont get me wrong, I adore them, but I am bored and understimulated. Wine was my "thing," my treat for myself every day. This past year has been the worst, I was drinking up to a bottle a night of red wine. That might not sound like much to anyone here, but at only 5'2 and 120 lbs, its a lot for me.

I woke up last Sunday morning and decided no more. However, I am scared. It hasnt even been a week and I am already considering altering my sobriety "goals" to only having one drink when going out with my husband. We only go out maybe once every other month, sometimes less, and I would like to enjoy myself while out. I am not strong. My husband drinks, too. I feel I am already a failure at this by considering this.


Thanks for having me here and listening.

Tina

Needsassistance

Welcome Tina. Have you discussed that your quitting with your husband, is he supportive?Can you go out with him on a sober date? And btw, you're not a failure, this is hard work. You can do it.

tmarieg

Thank you. Yes, he is supportive but I feel that I cannot ask HIM to not drink as well, since its not his decision, and not his time for it.

Is sobriety an all or nothing thing? Or can people still drink socially when out, and just not drink at home?

Dejvice

You will get lots of support on this site......It is really helpful. Stick around.

Anna

Yes, sobriety is all or nothing, definitely.

And, in my opinion, recovery is not just about the alcohol. That's why there's a huge difference in drinking sometimes and not drinking at all. When I stopped drinking, I had to learn how to cope and to live my life without the benefit of numbing alcohol. I had to learn healthy activities and healthy ways to calm myself. Recovery involves changing from the inside out.

I hope you continue with your original goal of stopping drinking. Why not look into getting involved in things in your community, at your kids schools or in your neighborhood? How about an exercise program?

Needsassistance

I could not moderate, tried and failed miserably. Most others here will tell you the same thing. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and I found out the hard way how true that is. You're here, so that's a good step in figuring out " am I an alcoholic"? It seems like that's still an open question for you?
There will be a lot of support here for you in evaluating a plan of recovery if that's truly what you want to do.

MIRecovery

Welcome!

Failed miserably is an understatement in my case. For me it is all or nothing and for the last 3 years if has been very happily NOTHING.

You will get a lot of support, ask questions, but do not drink. The bottle will always be there sobriety may not.

pooky

we are in the same boat..My husband drinks too and I dont want to force sobriety on him..This is my journey-not his but it is very hard, I know. I am only 5 days without drinking myself. Gonna go out to dinner but that will be hard too, as I like a little wine -or a lot with my dinner. we just gotta stay strong!

waynemali

I stopped drinking the two bottles of wine at home most night, but tried just having a couple of pints with friends at the pub, that last 10 days, I just got to the point where I didn't like the taste, then I knew that having prayed to get through this I didn't really want it anymore. One night I walked to the pub with my friend, I told him if I didn't like the taste of that first pint, that was it no more, it ends tonight. That first sip of Cider was just awful, the taste and the craving for it was gone, I finished it anyway, and haven't had a drink since, that was 29 weeks ago yesterday.

Don't beat yourself up that can make things worse, I still have the odd thought about drinking, but I just try to put it out of my mind and carry on with what I'm doing.

Stay strong, keep going, it gets easier.

hypochondriac

You're not a failure for having thoughts about drinking Tina! I hope not anyway because if so then I am a spectacular failure! I frequently have thoughts about drinking, they are usually fleeting and insane. The trick is to just not act on them and don't let the thoughts linger. Dismiss them without arguing about it in your head. It might be worth looking into something called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (there is plenty of information about it here in the secular connections forum but you may want to google it too). I found that was really useful in helping me understand those types of thoughts.

Welcome to SR x

ru12

Hi tamrieg! Why did you decide to stop drinking? And what has changed in the last week to change your mind about that decision to stop? I stopped for lots of reasons, one being that I just got tired of it. I know you are feeling better after a week of sobriety. Congratulations! But, you stopped for a reason. You might want to really think about why that was and think about what starting up again might mean. For me, moderation was very hard . . . in for a penny in for a pound! Starting back up would just start the whole cycle back up again. And I just couldn't do that again.

Dee74

Welcome Tina

I think it's natural for most of us to want to 'move the goalposts'.
I'm another one who could never have only one drink when going out.

If I'm honest with myself one drink would do nothing for me but leave me cranky angry and wanting more.

There's been a lot of great advice here already - I'm glad you've joined us - you'll find a lot of support here

D

tmarieg

Thank you, everyone I appreciate it.

I am going to be strong tonight. I can do this.

tmarieg

I guess I also got tired of it. I also got to where I was tired all the time, no energy. Or I'd fall asleep right away at night then wake in the middle of the night all of a sudden and just be AWAKE, probably from coming off the sugar high from all the wine. Plus, I would find myself cancelling things so I could get home and drink...and finding that I couldnt go anywhere in the evenings unless my husband was home, or having to make him do everything that required driving in the evenings b/c I had already been drinking for a few hours.

Also, and the worst thing, was watching my "acceptable" times to start drinking creep up slowly...first it was "never before 5 pm!" then "well, 4 pm is still considered dinner time" then it was 3 pm because "the kids are all home from school now, I need to relax" and then 2 pm because, well, I had already been drinking before 5 so why not? type of thing. On the weekends sometimes I'd start as early as 12 noon. And he clock-watching....to see if it was "time to drink yet" or not. It all scared me.

Sasha4

Hi and welcome.

Well done, you are doing good.

Don't stress too much about the thoughts of drinking and being around other drinkers.
I have 249 days, over 8 months now.
It's almost second nature not to drink now. It would seem strange to sit and drink all evening.
Now, like you say I am not house bound or sofa bound in the evening becuase I cannot drive or have had to much to drink to do things.

It took time though.
Those first few weeks I often used to take myself out of the way early, to be on my own as I felt grumpy/envious of drinkers/confused about drinking/emotional/bored or tempted to drink and it was easier to escape and come here to my sober family.

I would highly recommend doing that if you can in the first few weeks.

I have done 2 whole holidays abroad (one all inclusive - as much booze as you can get down your neck) and an irish wedding sober.

All were 100% better than when I was drinking.

If anything I get tired of being around drunken people and find I have a good time but know when I am ready to leave.

Sober mornings (as you are already experiencing) rock! In fact I was ill a few weeks ago and was in bed for 4 days. All I could think was, wow, I used to do this to myself every single day and feel like this.

Keep posting.
Keep telling us your experience and fears and happiness and I'm sure you will be great.

xxxx

tmarieg

Thanks so much for your post. I dont feel so alone now.

My biggest worry is setting myself up for failure. I ask myself if I am ready to never, ever drink again. I feel in my heart that answer is no. Does that mean I am not ready?

ru12

Wow tm, I sure know what you are talking about. Now with what you just have written, do you think you should start drinking again? I'm not trying to be flip at all. I just want you to read what you just wrote. If a sister or a friend said what you just did to you, and they said that they were thinking about drinking again, what would you say?

It is sometimes really hard to rationally think about our own alcohol use. It is just so easy to forget why we stopped. I journalled a lot when I first quit. I still go back and read occasionally about what my life was like then and what it is like now. It is so much better now that I don't drink.

Never is a scary thought. I found it was easier at first to just think about today, to just get through today without drinking. I could handle that. And still can!

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, Tina. You've made a great decision to stop drinking. I wanted to enjoy 'a few' now and then, but found it was impossible. One always led to 10 or more.

I know you'll find hope and encouragement here. SR helped me stop and stay stopped after drinking all my life. We all understand exactly what you're going through. You can do this.

least

Just because you aren't drinking doesn't mean you have to ask your husband to abstain also. Why can't you go out with him and he has a drink or two and you have a non alcoholic drink for yourself? After all, you're getting sober for yourself, not for him.

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here.

tmarieg

Yeah, I would never ask him to stop because like I said, its not his thing, its mine.

For me, the alcohol thing is so socially intertwined too that I associate eating out with having a drink.