PLEASE remind me that i'm doing the right thing!#

Old 10-19-2012, 10:08 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 10
PLEASE remind me that i'm doing the right thing!#

I came to SR a little over a month ago because at that point I was trying to decide if it was a good idea for ABF to move in with me. Even though I KNEW the answer I still tried to convince myself that MY ADDICT is different! He wasn't like all of your addicts! Mine was SPECIAL! Even though I knew the truth! You all told me it was a bad idea but the tiny rebel in me wanted to prove you, myself and him wrong. While I did this everything you guys said stuck with me! And I cannot THANK YOU enough for the voice you kept in my head about what I deserved and what id be up against!

My boyfriend moved in and over all it was a good situation,same as our whole relationship, aside from his addiction. Which at the time was opiate pills of all sorts. About 5 days ago he came to me in a state I've never seen him or anyone else, he was in full blown withdraw and it was rough. I stuck right beside him for 2 days as he suffered giving him hope and encouragement and helped in any physical, emotional, mental way I could. He opened up to me about his desires to quit and the life he deserved, and even addmitted he had actually moved onto snorting heroin as his DOC. MIND YOU. His addiction is not a once a week, or even once a day occurance, more like 3-5 times a DAY! Honestly you'd never know, he sounds like he'd be really bad, but he's actually a highly functional addict and is a great boyfriends aside.

After 2 days of withdraw he gave in and decided to lie about it. I obviously could tell.he went from deathly sick to perfectly normal within hours.... I was questioning him but THAT'S. When it hit me! I SOULDNT HAVE TO QUESTION HIM! That's not the life or relationship I want! Even best case senerio, ill never trust him, ill always be worried our world would be destroyed at any moment.... and now is my time to do it since I have no permenant connections to him. I struggled for 3 days to tell him, and yesterday I told him and he was pretty respectful and agreed. I know he doesn't want to put me through this. I really do believe he loves me.

So now comes the struggle! I miss him! I don't want to lose him. I lost my 15month old daughter in 2004 which has not only turned me into a major codependant but also struggle really bad with losing people in my life. But I feel bad for him. He deserves so much more. I don't want to leave him worst off and with the people that got him to where he is.....

PLEASE REMIND ME I DESERVE BETTER! PLEASE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T LOVE A HEROIN ADDICT!
cathy4 is offline  
Old 10-19-2012, 10:16 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 24
You do deserve better, and you're right that now's the time to leave, when you have no ties to connect you to him. It is amazing how highly functioning some addicts can be, but they can only function that way for so long until the addiction takes over completely. Good luck to you.
knarfia is offline  
Old 10-19-2012, 10:51 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
interrupted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
You do deserve better, and you want a better future for yourself, which you also deserve, but nobody here can tell you not to love him. We love who we love, by nature or happenstance, and we can't ever let go of that. We can make sure we are a safe distance from the destruction, though. I love my sister from far away right now, that will never stop. She is also a heroin addict. I'm so sorry about all of this, but I'm glad you're finding support here.
interrupted is offline  
Old 10-19-2012, 11:01 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Getting there!!
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am so sorry for your pain and losses. I have read many peoples posts about how grief counseling has helped even when their wasn't was a death and just a divorce. Have you ever tried it? I wish I had when my mother passed away.

It's kind of sad but when I read about someone posting (including myself) about long their loved one has been clean, I read with such skepticism now.

Drug use and relapses can be very deceiving to someone filled with such love and hope.
LoveMeNow is offline  
Old 10-19-2012, 01:28 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Vale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
One of the hardest things we humans do is deciding when
to cut our losses.

Like you,I fought the common view.The addict I cared about was
different.Special.Apart from all that seedy crap.

She wasn't.A cursory survey of SR reveals the addictive lifepath
unfolds as certainly as night follows day.

One statement of yours hit me hard:
>>>> I don't want to leave him worst off and
with the people that got him to where he is.....<<<<

It's not so much letting THEM suffer the agony of their
decisions,it's leaving them to a class of persons I call
"spiders".These are people who simply LOVE the fact that
the people we car(ed) about are powerless and unable to
defend themselves.

I KNEW from my SR study that this feeling (cowardice in
the face of the enemy) was just another (particularly clever)
manifestation of codependency.

But we can know things logically but not emotionally.
I,too,am sorry for your pain and losses.But the one thing you
can always count on (I've found) are these kind souls of SR,
who have seen it all,done it all,and felt it all.Perhaps you will
feel as lucky as I do---for having crossed paths with them.
Vale is offline  
Old 10-19-2012, 02:09 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
turning red!
 
funkzter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Hello Cathy,
I just wanted to add my thoughts to you, indeed you are not alone here and i'm glad you found SR. It has helped me all those years, when my bf addiction was way over board.
I am also in love with a heroin addict. When i met him he was snorting, then he injected, then he injected H with sleeping pill. His body is full of scars and so is his mind. This journey is pure roller coaster extreme ride...
You do the right thing though i myself didn't manage (long) to do so.
Take care xx
funkzter is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:48 PM.