Lara

It seems so often when we post here on SR it all relates in someway back to the addict or recovering addict in our lives. Even positive stories of how far we have come on our personal journey of living with, loving an addict, and how we are dealing with our co-pendency issues – all seem to relate back to the addict. Crazybabie made an interesting comment recently on one of my posts and asked when was I going to start a thread/ post that didn’t mention H! The reason I joined SR was because of H. When I start a new thread it is because something to do with H has triggered my need to post. When I comment on other member’s posts – it is usually experience directly relating to H. The irony is my ‘real’ issues do not stem from H at all. They began as a child, growing up in an alcoholic home. SR woke me up – I began to educate myself to co-dependency. Yes, with H I still have a long way to go, as you know, my internal debate about travelling to India etc. But I really have learnt so much since joining SR – and realised this morning that I have grown – away from H. And many areas of my life are hugely improved, and happier, since I began dealing with my co-dependency. And I would like to share a few of these – and wondering how you are all doing?

WAYS MY LIFE HAS IMPROVED (AND NOTHING TO DO WITH MY RECOVERING / NON RECOVERING ADDICT):

• I am aware.
• I recognise my alcoholic Dad affected my entire life. But I am not a victim. I acknowledge the destruction. And I choose to address certain memories IF it helps me learn – but then I move on.
• I no longer dwell in the past.
• When I think about my Dad and my young life – I am no longer confused. I loved my dad dearly, but would have conflicting emotions swinging from love to anger to disappointment to hurt. Now I see it for what is was. My Dad was an alcoholic. He never chose recovery. We were exposed to a ‘difficult’ childhood. But my Dad loved us the best way he knew how. He provided for us within the limitations of addiction. I am okay.
• I have more energy in the day.
• I sleep better at night.
• I exercise regularly.
• I live in the moment. I don’t dwell in the past or ‘act’ in the present with the only thought of planning for the future. I truly live in the moment – for only the moment. Not for some ‘possible’, ‘dreamt’ about future outcome.
• I play with my son. I always did play – but now I allow myself to get ‘lost’ in the moment. I don’t watch the time. I just enjoy.
• My business has improved. The small things don’t get me worked up anymore.
• I no longer ‘own’ other people’s problems. This was a huge issue for me and took up huge amounts of energy. I would worry about my staff, my sister, my mum – and now I have let that go. And it is okay. I help when asked to – and with health boundaries.
• I achieve more at work and during the day – as my mind is free. Not filled with the ‘inner voice’ and all the ‘what ifs’.
• My friends comment that I ‘look younger’.
• My friends and family comment that I am ‘no longer anxious’ and some wonder if I am on medication – which I am not.
• My health is better.
• I have more interests and hobbies.
• My friendship base is growing.
• I am able to just ‘relax’ and not always having to be doing something. It is okay to sometimes just ‘sit’ under the Baobab tree – not doing anything in particular.
• It is okay if I don’t have plans for everyday.
• I am not a failure. I have achieved great things.
• I enjoy a day with no ‘drama’ – there is more time to focus on constructive tasks.
• I am learning another language.
• I am teaching my son to play the piano.
• I like myself.
• I am happy.