firebolt

So - it all started with a duck call.
No kidding.
He got a new duck call today.
And hes been quacking around the house since 7.

At 10:30 when I laid down to watch the news and go to bed, I asked him to please stop. He closed the bedroom door and continued quacking in the livingroom. At 11 I asked him to stop again - which quickly got me a 'shut the f up.' wow.

Then it turned into "we had an agreement" The "agreement" was I'd be less controlling (basically, stop asking him to drink less is what controlling means" and he would drink less in exchange. I knew not to make a deal, but I did it anyway - and as expected it blew up in my face. Now I'm controlling and bossy for asking him to stop quacking.

After the shut the F up - I lost it. Called him some colorful names - got some in return - and left for an hour drive when I have to work in the morning. Now, I feel like crap for engaging someone irrational and so ridiculous - and for becoming so angry and ridiculous myself.

We're together 2 years now. I knew he was an alcoholic when we got together. I swear I won't let it get as bad as the stories I hear....then again I swore I wouldn't let it get like this. I know it only gets worse....and so far, thats proving painfully true.

I looked for apartments for the second time in our relationship. This town sucks for rentals. He sucks - this night sucks - and its almost the weekend, and every other weekend sucks. Sorry - low night

--Debbie Downer

Vale

Before I went no contact,I programmed my phone to
"quack" when the addict I was helping called.

My phone used to "quack" quite a bit.

I no longer think ducks are cute.I don't feed them in the park
(or on street corners)....any more.

They just crap all over the place!

SoBroken

damn but they know how to push our buttons, dont they. try not to be so hard on yourself - we all reach that point from time to time where its just asking too much not to react. you needed your sleep and he was well aware of that. and im sure he was feeling like he "won" when u left for a drive. todays a new day - deep breathes - forgive yourself - we are only human, we all have our moments when the proverbial pot is gonna boil over. keep looking for your own place, keep taking care of youself. hugs to you!

MamaKit

Sounds like he may have orchestrated a "rational" excuse to drink.

(please read from this point on in the most sarcastic tone you can think of)
You know, because you are so controlling and won't let him practice his duck call. I mean what's so wrong with making an annoying noise late at night over and over and over. And THEN, when he points out how unreasonable you are by very kindly saying "shut the F$%k up" you called him names!!!! His feelings were so hurt. Well, clearly this has all been so upsetting he must do something to address it. Oh wait....here's an idea. Drink!
Ahhhhhhhhhhh

FYI: I'm in a grouchy mood today.

(((((((Firebolt)))))))))
I'm sorry that you have had to endure this. I imagine you must be pretty grouchy yourself - and likely really tired. From what you post I think you are seeing the reality of the situation. Please, just take care of you. You deserve to be treated with kindness, respect and love. The first person to treat you that way right now - is yourself.
Sending support your way,
Hugs,
MamaKit

dandylion

Dear Firebolt, OMG. I couldn't stop laughing!! This ranks, up there, with the best QUACK stories!!!

I feel somewhat guilty, though, for laughing at what I know (from personal experience), is very painful for you. I've also been so upset and mad at myself for getting sucked into reactive behavior with an irrational alcoholic.

I say, since you are already looking for apartments, keep looking. Personally, I would rather live in a refrigerator box, under a bridge, than fight with an active alcoholic again!!!!

sincerely, dandilion

rainiee

Holy cow... been in that situation too many times! Except he would leave & disappear for days.

I too always beat myself for taking the bait sometimes but you can only push someone so far, so many times before they snap.

Sadly... it never changes & happens over & over...

I am freshly (9 days) out of the situation with my AH & sure, my heart is broken because I love him but the "him" I love has been clouded by the monster inside & that's what I have to remember.

Sorry this is going on in your life, hugs.

firebolt

Thanks everyone - no worries on laughing - really, it's ALL we can do! They are so ridiculous.

I'm going to go stay at a friends empty house for the weekend. Hopefully that'll get some sense into me - and be good motivation to DO something about this....because he clearly won't.

SparkleKitty

Good for you, Firebolt! Enjoy your peaceful weekend getaway!!

TakingCharge999

You can do this, firebolt.
Keep looking for apartments, or roomies.

If you feel lonely at your friend's house remember there is no lonelier place than being next to a toxic person.

I remember when XABF interrupted my sleep many times during the night when he was getting drunk. It is not fun.

You can change your situation, you truly can. You are not alone!

cli

firebolt! No no no! There's only so far one can "detach" from being messed with by a giant toddler. As far as I'm concerned, no jury would convict you for stabbing that quacking jerk in the neck. But in your frustrated and sleep-deprived state, you merely tossed a few swears instead... Bless you! Never beat yourself up for how you handle such infuriating behaviour. It is NOT NORMAL for a grown man to act like that! Don't feel bad for accidentally having a normal human reaction to it.

From what I understand, detachment is meant to benefit the A in the long run, but that doesn't mean you have to be a super-human robot. My ex had an out-of-tune electric guitar and WINDOW-RATTLING amp at 3am on a work night, when I was I the only one paying all the bills. Alcoholic or not, he's lucky he got out of that scuffle alive, believe me...

No regrets!

TakingCharge999

PS When I was a kid a duck bit me in the park.. I don't remember anything but my family remember it quite well.

No more ducks for me, thanks.

choublak

So why did he buy a duck call in the first place?

firebolt

He took up duck hunting last year. I feel like taking up the trombone suddenly...

MamaKit

Sounds like an excellent idea!
Mwaahhhaahaaaaa

firebolt

WTH - i just got an "im sorry i dont want to fight" text.

He NEVER apologizes when he pulls this.

I don't know what to say.

Thumper

Well - people shoot ducks. He ought to be careful.

That would be awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. What a jerk he was being.

LoveMeNow

I just love you Vale!!

I am sorry firebolt for your pain, sounds like you have a good plan for the weekend. I am glad you can laugh at this, without humor we would all go nuts.

Next time he is sound asleep, make sure you have a blow horn handy.

J/k (kind of, lol)

LoveMeNow

Quack, Quack, Quack sounds about right!

MamaKit

He might as well have just played the new duck call toy on your voicemail. Same difference.

Vale

...This thread is priceless

LITERAL quacking!
(and we deserve the comic relief)


you will get through this,Firebolt!