Katiekate

AXBF sent email last night.

He needed to reiterate that:

1. It was all my fault (check)
2. He hates me (check)
3. He has no problems (check)
4. I am a c@@@ (check)
5. I am evil (check)

etc.... etc.... etc.....

After a good long silence, the last assault was 16 phones messages stating pretty much the same.

It's no wonder we are traumatized once we get out.

what's the point

4MyBoys

Isn't that fun?

I moved out 14 months ago and just got a text like that the other night. Still makes my stomach upset even though I know each point is untrue.....

suki44883

If you don't have kids with the guy, why not just block him on your email and phone? No one needs or wants to deal with that crap. If you're done, then BE done.

ZiggyB

I know, it just hurts.

I was called a stup*d bitch and I ruined his life... and he blamed the whole thing on me as well.

Of course his drinking had nothing to do with it (quack)

I am currently seeing a therapist to try and feel better about myself.

Can you block his email and his phone #?

I swear I have no idea what I would do if I heard from mine again.

MamaKit

Katie,
How very informative - that charming guy!
I hope that's all clear now. Did he leave anything out? Maybe he needs to call one more time and say it with some real feeling.

((((((KatieKate))))))
I'm so sorry you had to hear/read that. I don't mean to make light of it - because I know it is painful. But it is also such "drinklish" and so horribly, predictably, ridiculous. Just awful.

Here's what I think is his point:
If he doesn't blame it all on you then he would have to face his own actions. They are so awful that he just can't.

More hugs,
MamaKit

Katiekate

He is blocked hon, and numbers changed.

He set up a new email account.

I've been done for sometime.

Lynnrae2

It amazes me as to how much emotional and mental abuse that we take. That is the hardest part for me to swollow. I am an educated, strong single mother of two teenage daughters. Why in H*LL did I let a man get me so low that I had to start seeing a councelor? Ridiculious on my part. I am more mad at myself than at my ExAb.

It has been said that mental and emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse, because it takes so long for the wounds to heal.

I know that to be true!!!! I have learned a valuable lesson through all of this, however, I will NEVER let another person treat me like that or get me that low again!!!!!

for everyone struggling with the emotional part of this......keep being strong!!! Keep moving forward!!!!!

You are way better than this!!!!!

lillamy

Hugs, Kate. My AXH tends to fall back into that when his latest girlfriend has dumped him. It's like they needs someone to heap abuse on and we're the default solution.

You could also check into what constitutes "harassment" in your state and whether you could take him to court for it. If you wanted to. I considered that the last time I got one of those mountains of garbage from my AXH, but decided I'd rather save the lawyer fee for a vacation. Far away from him.

dandylion

Dear KatieKate---Remember that it is all just so much QUACKING!!

QUACKITY.........QUACK........QUACK.......QUACK


dandylion

rainiee

Wow...how ugly. That's sad he feels the need to do this to you. I just got dumped by my AH VIA an email on facebook (WHOA!) last night & all I can do is hope that he just fades away. I love him dearly but in the big picture that means nothing as he doesn't love himself so he can't love me.

I really hope I don't get those kind of messages & I really-really hope I don't get a sob story asking if he can come back. I don't think he will do either but I have heard from too many people in our situation that they do that. It would be hard to stay strong & not let emotion take over as I am very emotional right now.

I love that you are angry about it & venting, I'd be a wreck if I got those messages.

backtolifeforme

My ex did this a lot. After my XABF broke the friendship straw which was my last attempt at remaining on civil terms since we live in a fairly small city - I unleashed like a nuclear bomb. At him & his enabling A Mom. Did I totally lose it? Yes. Do I regret it? No. The unleashing wasn't about them. It was about me. My need to release all the pent up anger from the bad experiences added up over time. I blew it all out. It was like a huge weight was lifted. They called me crazy for yelling at them. Um yeah. You get a little crazy when you're with an abusive alcoholic - why be surprised that some of us eventually bite back? I let the anger go after finally getting it out. It was festering in me because I've been taught that bad people express anger, good people keep it to themselves. Wrong lesson. Anger can be a good catalyst for change & freedom from emotional hell - if we don't allow it to eat us up entirely.

Rosiepetal

I got to the stage where I physically shook when I received a text from the ex because of all the abuse.
If I get one now it may make me feel bad but I am strong enough not to give him the satisfaction of even answering it.
Ignore it.
Big hugs.

itsmylifenow

KatieKate, I'm sorry you have to continue to keep dealing with this. I know it's not easy when you just want it all to go away. (((Hugs)))

It's amazing how that trauma continues on beyond them being gone. One of the last things that happened was me finding out xabf had been hanging with his xgf and not telling me. I had the proof and he lied about every single thing I asked him. I was a jumbled mess.

So, last night this gf of mine tells me a story about this guy friend of ours who has an interest in me. She's telling me one thing, he's telling me something else. He calls me and starts saying how wrong she was about everything and giving me his version. In my head all I could hear was xabf lying to me over and over again and I thought my mind was going to explode. I literally was shaking my head no and feeling freaked out inside that I couldn't go through this again. Luckily, he didn't see that but I didn't like it. If these are the after effects of getting out of a R with the A, then how is it worse to be with them?

Katiekate

then how is it worse to be with them?

Its worse because if we stay, we have no chance of healing.

If we stay , we have no chance of happiness.

I'm not so much angry as I am perplexed.

I know how his day went, woke up, missed me, regret, spent the day waiting for his first drink, popped klonopin, had rebound anxiety, the more miserable he felt, to more he obsessed about his regret, then once the first drink hit his brain, the monster emerged, and there it went.

I know what my responsibility was, it never included horrible words, to hurt, on purpose, that cleared me of all of my "sins" My mind is clear, I am healing, my life is headed in a good direction.

He is pitiful.

I would rather be alone , then continue to be on the hamster wheel.

Lynnrae2

well said!!!!

no chance of healing ore happiness......somehow I convinced myself that I was happy, but I wasnt!!!!!

ZiggyB

Me too!

NYCDoglvr

Why haven't you changed your cell phone number? Why keep reading his texts?

Katiekate

Hmmmmm please read the entire thread.






Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 845
Blog Entries: 6 Quote:
Originally Posted by suki44883
If you don't have kids with the guy, why not just block him on your email and phone? No one needs or wants to deal with that crap. If you're done, then BE done.

He is blocked hon, and numbers changed.

He set up a new email account.

I've been done for sometime.

Titanic

You handled it so well Katiekate! Recovery in action!

Would you consider this stalking?

Katiekate

I don't think so, it seems he pops his head in every month or so.

I have included him in my prayers these last two days.

That's progress.

Life is opening up again, it's a slow process, I am grateful.