Looking4ward

So, it's a year and a half out and I'm still struggling with some things. Ex: I should be advancing my career, but I'm having trouble self-motivating.

On the other hand, I am making great strides in overcoming a damaged sense of self-worth. While working on this issue, I have reconnected with certain things that have helped me before- overcoming fear being the major of these, and engaging in challenges that test what I consider fearful. In pursuit of this, I have begun dating again and I am getting fit- this is adding a lot to my self-confidence.

But just today, I realized something important. When I want attention - I always seek it through PITY. Why would I want to portray myself in a Negative light in an effort to gain Positive support?

So, instead of seeking attention by maing myself Pitiful, I want to make myself Strong and gain support that way!

catlovermi

This is a great insight - and often there is a lag time between when we have an insight and when we are able to transform it into something more positive, so have patience with yourself, and pat yourself on the back for positive growth!

Sending support!

CLMI

ZiggyB

Hi-
Good for you, I am trying to work on the same thing right now, helping my damaged self esteem recover, I have enlisted the help of a therapist. I definitely think if you put positive vibes out there, you will attract better people. good luck!

lillamy

Give yourself time, and grace. It's OK to put one foot in front of the other and not fix everything right now. What you are doing, the insight you shared with us, is HUGE. So you are moving forward. Maybe not at the speed you'd like (do we ever? ) but definitely forward.

backtolifeforme

Good for you!!!! You are doing very well!
I found that having a good therapist really helped me work at my behavioural issues (acting/reacting) & is one of the biggest reasons that things are staying on a positive & progressive path.

Lynnrae2

Great job at noticing that part about yourself!!!! congrats to you on that.

I too am now starting to notice my flaws(if you will) or my part of the blame in my relationship with my exab.

Eventhough he was the bad guy, I am responsible for allowing him to treat me the way he did.

I played the poor me card quite a bit. Why is this happening to me?? Why does he treat me this way?

I can also see the patterns to me and him now too. We would break up and then something would happen and one of us would call the other and then the next thing you know we would be back together......

The difference now is that he still continues to try to use those patterns and I have learned not too!!!

MamaKit

Looking4ward,
Good for you. I think you are very brave to recognize that and do something about it. It can be so difficult to look inward sometimes.
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Hugs,
MamaKit

Looking4ward

You guys really think it's happening too slowly... well, maybe about how I can't seem to get over myself on the professionalism. I have to do something about that. I have skills, I'm just not using them. I need some help. I know that. I don't know who to ask, though. I need some help with my resume. I need some help getting orgnaized and I would love to take a class to advance my skills a bit.

SparkleKitty

I don't see anything here that suggests anyone thinks things are happening too slowly for you...what am I missing? I see a lot of folks who are proud of your progress and being encouraging. Just as you deserve!

backtolifeforme

Maybe start looking into some women's resource centres to see if any free services are available to help you on the transferable skills, resume & organizational front? You're in NY so there should be quite a bit of resources to tap into.

Looking4ward

Ha ha! and I fell Riiiiight back in!

Actually, after I wrote thta I started looking at courses I could take to refresh my skills. Good luck to me and all of you, but, yeah... mostly ME!!!! (he-he)