BigTeddy

This Saturday I'm playing golf with 3 of my friends. We don't always drink when we play, but it isn't out of the ordinary for each of us to buy a six pack before we start the round. I'm not especially worried because we're playing at 8 am, so I doubt any of them will even buy any beer. The golf course won't be my biggest challenge though. I'm supposed to go over to one of the guys house afterwards and watch football. There will definitely be drinking going on here. I don't think I will have a problem not drinking, but I also know that I will be asked "hey why aren't you drinking?" How should I handle this situation? What should I say?

trikuza

tell the truth, if they are GOOD friends, they will understand that you have drinking concerns and that youre trying to change things up.

doggonecarl

You'll have spent the whole morning with these guys...Plenty of time to have talked about your desire to quit drinking. Pass on the football if there is even the slightest risk that it will lead to your drinking. Like Trikuza said, if these are friends, they will understand. If they are drinking buddies, it might be time to part ways.

MIRecovery

To me that is like putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger because you think it is not loaded

Mark75

Love your Avatar, there are a few "wharf rats", LOL, around here...

Yea, that whole football on the TV with the "buds" (pun, well, I guess, intended, LOL) thing... it's kinda weird at first for sure. If you find yourself engaging that voice that says you should join 'em... leave. Go take a walk, run an errand, listen to some dead at home, whatever it takes, you know!

Welcome to SR!

BigTeddy

MIR, I definitely see your point. But I also don't want to just sit at home by myself all the time because I'm scared I might be tempted to drink. These guys really are my good friends and I've known all of them for 10 years or more. I don't think any of them will pressure me to drink if they know I don't want to. I said I don't think I will have a problem not drinking because I haven't been in that situation yet...so I honestly don't know. Just staying home all the time would make me depressed and much more likely to drink imo.

doggonecarl

No one is suggesting you stay at home "all the time" for the rest of you sober life. This is what? Your first sober weekend? I think the suggestions are that in early recovery you don't want to put yourself in compromising situations. Once your recovery gets solid, you'll be able to do anything you want.

You will be surprised how many of those things won't entail being around drinking.

Anna

I agree, there's no need to stay home.

But, I would not have gone into a situation where it would be questionable that I might drink, when I was in early recovery. I tried it, it didn't work and so I took up other activities.

MIRecovery

We are not talking the rest of your life but going to a drinking event, with people you associate with drinking, when you are brand new to sobriety, may not be the best choice. I have seen a zillion people fail in your situation but sobriety is all about choices. I am not worried about them I am worried about you and your best friend/biggest enemy booze.

bluoval

krispy87

I am going to be confronted with something similar this weekend. I am going to a big college football game on Saturday night, and you know how that works when it comes to the whole partying scene -- especially since I am only a couple years out of college at this point.

But I am going to stay strong, as I have the past few weekends during sporting gatherings and parties. I have already told my friends about my desire to not drink, and though some may not fully comprehend, they have been extremely respectful of it. They do not offer me drinks, they are very understanding when I need to walk away for a little and remove myself if I get overwhelmed. But it is all because I was honest with them from the beginning.

I know everyone is different, though, and maybe being around it in general isn't the best for some. You just have to figure out what makes you most comfortable, I guess.

MIRecovery

I have been told by many with long term sobriety, "If you hang around a pool long enough you are bound to get wet."

zeroptzero

I have found that my worry over what my friends would say or think about my not drinking was irrational at best and a subversive plot by my brain to justify continued drinking at worst.
I quickly discovered other people were not obsessed with my drinking - only I was!

MIRecovery

This is 100% true in my experience. The only ones that seem to care were alcoholic to

whatsgoingon

I have got a visitor scenario this weekend which I'm not looking forward to. Its my sister in law and she is a pain in the ass at the best of times. There is no way on this earth I am telling her about my drinking problem, no way nadda forget about it!

I've decided that I'm going to lie instead

I have already lined up my 'chest infection' and by the time she arrives on Saturday i'll be on 'anti-biotic's' so unfortunately I will be unable to drink! ~ (( coughs theatrically! ))

Call me a chicken or whatever but this way I'll get through a stressful weekend without being counselled by my patronising sister-in-law!

BigTeddy

Thanks for the responses everyone I'm going to just tell the guys during golf that I'm no longer drinking. I haven't made my mind up about watching the games yet, but am leaning towards not attending. If I do decide to go, I'm going to leave if I feel uncomfortable.

MIRecovery

Now this is a plan! Where so many fail is that they have not thought situations through. Be strong and get the hell out of Dodge as soon as you feel uncompfortable or do not go. I seldom do drinking situations not because I am afraid I am going to drink but because they make me feel uncompfortable. I am usually good for a couple of hours but I have been sober for a while too.

benice

Great plan! Know that you are out of there if it doesn’t go the way you want.

I have two really dear friends that were also my drinking buddies. I told them that I quit drinking for a while. Taking a break. I didn’t explain and they didn’t ask. They’ve had hangovers and they think I am strong for putting it on the shelf a bit. I haven’t gone into long term thinking with them. Not necessary. I’ve been out with them 3 times now while they are drinking and I am not. It doesn’t bother them a bit and it doesn’t bother me a bit. I could not be this comfortable with all drinking situations though. Like you, these folks have been my dear friends for over 10 years…

By the way, I know that I am in this for the long haul. It just would not be beneficial to have that discussion with them right now.

Sobersunshine

I look at it this way. I'm powerless ove alcohol IF I take that first drink. But I have the power not to take that first drink. I went to an event last weekend with tons of alcohol and I wasn't even tempted. Having said that, I planned to leave immediately if I was tempted. Also, I have avoid several other situations where there was drinking invovled. My suggestion is if you have any doubts, just avoid the situation. You can't avoid all situations where there will be alcohol forever, but do what you must in early sobriety. Good luck!

BigTeddy

Update: The golf went great! I told the guys that I wasn't drinking anymore and they were all very supportive. I decided to go watch the games and it went very smoothly. No one offered me a drink and I didn't feel anxious or uncomfortable. Went to bed sober and woke up hangover free