Saying goodbye to my best friend, Whiskey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
Saying goodbye to my best friend, Whiskey.
Hello everyone, I am 45 days sober today which is the longest I've ever made it and I feel pretty good. I found this site and read all kinds of blogs and I feel this place could be the extra motivation I need during those tough days and nights. I also find the little moving smiley face thingys kinda funny..
That being said I signed up today, maybe as a sort of celebration of my accomplishment. I wanted to talk about losing my friend. I've had this friend for quite a long time and it sure was (and still is) hard saying goodbye to the friend I loved most. I didn't need anybody else. I was perfectly content staying home and drinking. For a while I felt free from pain and anger, I felt happy and in control, I felt calm and comfort. It was just me and my friend and what a pair we'd make until the end of the night, when things changed. Something happened and all the good feelings would be lost and the morning after would draw a blank. I'd have to check my phone or replay events the night before to figure out what exactly my friend and I did. The guilt would come along with sadness but then my friend always managed to make me feel better, at least for a while. Well about 6 weeks ago things went a little too wrong during one of those nights and I decided that my friend needed to go for good.
Since then I've felt lonely without my friend although it is getting a bit better. I realize now that I could never have very good relationships with others because of the all consuming relationship I had with a bottle of booze. I remember being forced to make the choice "is it me or the bottle?" and choosing whiskey (my rationale being "you may be around for a while, but whiskey will always be"). But now I realize this is no way to live. I would never be able to become the person I always dreamed of becoming or doing the things I've only dreamed of doing. In getting sober and saying goodbye to my friend I feel happy about the future yet am scared at the same time. I do not think about sobriety forever because the idea is daunting and for me almost laughable however, I do take things one day at a time. I have a counselor but don't go to A.A. I've had urges and cravings in the past weeks but lately things have been good. I'm waiting for the big urge to meet my friend again, I just know it will be sometime soon. I hope I can fight it. I hope I will choose to run mile after mile until my head is cleared and my old pal isn't trying to hang out anymore. at least for that night. Well that's my story for the time being. Thanks for listening, good luck to all of you, stay strong.
That being said I signed up today, maybe as a sort of celebration of my accomplishment. I wanted to talk about losing my friend. I've had this friend for quite a long time and it sure was (and still is) hard saying goodbye to the friend I loved most. I didn't need anybody else. I was perfectly content staying home and drinking. For a while I felt free from pain and anger, I felt happy and in control, I felt calm and comfort. It was just me and my friend and what a pair we'd make until the end of the night, when things changed. Something happened and all the good feelings would be lost and the morning after would draw a blank. I'd have to check my phone or replay events the night before to figure out what exactly my friend and I did. The guilt would come along with sadness but then my friend always managed to make me feel better, at least for a while. Well about 6 weeks ago things went a little too wrong during one of those nights and I decided that my friend needed to go for good.
Since then I've felt lonely without my friend although it is getting a bit better. I realize now that I could never have very good relationships with others because of the all consuming relationship I had with a bottle of booze. I remember being forced to make the choice "is it me or the bottle?" and choosing whiskey (my rationale being "you may be around for a while, but whiskey will always be"). But now I realize this is no way to live. I would never be able to become the person I always dreamed of becoming or doing the things I've only dreamed of doing. In getting sober and saying goodbye to my friend I feel happy about the future yet am scared at the same time. I do not think about sobriety forever because the idea is daunting and for me almost laughable however, I do take things one day at a time. I have a counselor but don't go to A.A. I've had urges and cravings in the past weeks but lately things have been good. I'm waiting for the big urge to meet my friend again, I just know it will be sometime soon. I hope I can fight it. I hope I will choose to run mile after mile until my head is cleared and my old pal isn't trying to hang out anymore. at least for that night. Well that's my story for the time being. Thanks for listening, good luck to all of you, stay strong.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome Meg, and congrats on 45 days!!
Guess booze is like that wild friend who always got you into trouble but you loved hanging out with. The wild friend was never the one who was with you for the duration, through good and bad. Sober is more like the quiet steady friend who always had your back.
Guess booze is like that wild friend who always got you into trouble but you loved hanging out with. The wild friend was never the one who was with you for the duration, through good and bad. Sober is more like the quiet steady friend who always had your back.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Welcome, Meg, glad to have you here. When your friend calls or knocks at the door, you don't need to have an argument. You can simply check the call display and choose not to answer, and if you open the door you can see who is there, smile, and shut that door again.
For me, it was a comfort to realize that I never had to have any dealings with that lying cheater that made a fool out of me, and I decided to never would. Done.
For me, it was a comfort to realize that I never had to have any dealings with that lying cheater that made a fool out of me, and I decided to never would. Done.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
welcome Meg 
My addiction was like an abusive partner to me - it hurt me, belittled me, kept me down...but I was convinced I loved it, and it loved me...I just had to work out how to make it work...it must be my problem right?
I didn't think I had any other options.
but...thankfully...I found other options...and with that, a clearer head... and a clearer perspective on my relationship.
I never want a 'partner' like that again.
D
My addiction was like an abusive partner to me - it hurt me, belittled me, kept me down...but I was convinced I loved it, and it loved me...I just had to work out how to make it work...it must be my problem right?
I didn't think I had any other options.
but...thankfully...I found other options...and with that, a clearer head... and a clearer perspective on my relationship.
I never want a 'partner' like that again.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 239
Great to see you Meg. After 14 months of distance, my old friend found me - I kicked him out again after 10 months. Day 4 sure is lonely. I see him in the store, he peeks in during commercials while watching sports, even puts up signs on the way to work to say "hi".
Congrats on 45 days, that is awesome.
This ones for you -------->
Toss
Congrats on 45 days, that is awesome.
This ones for you -------->
Toss
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 115
I loved red wine, vodka, beer, the occasional tequila a lot (you get the picture) but I keep remembering the alternate life I might have led if I hadn't shut so many doors and squandered so much. Before I got in deep and went into anaphylactic shock during running caused by over exertion and dehydration ( guess who thought she could drink the night before running 14 miles!?), I fought so hard to keep alcohol in my life and live normally. Isn't nice to be able focus on the accomplishments of running your best?
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Meg!
Glad you kicked that "friend" out! I remember being scared and a little lost at first, too, but over time I missed that friend less and less. I have lots of real friends now and the best part is I'm a friend to myself, too.
Congrats on your 45 days - keep going cuz it just gets better.
Glad you kicked that "friend" out! I remember being scared and a little lost at first, too, but over time I missed that friend less and less. I have lots of real friends now and the best part is I'm a friend to myself, too.
Congrats on your 45 days - keep going cuz it just gets better.
and congrats on your sober time. Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome, I loved your post Meg! My friend was wine, we spent way too much time together some of which only the wine remembers.
Today is day five for me, and it is still hard, but I know myself and one glass will lead to problems for me.
I look forward to getting to day 45.
Congratulations!!!!
Today is day five for me, and it is still hard, but I know myself and one glass will lead to problems for me.
I look forward to getting to day 45.
Congratulations!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
Thanks everybody for the kind words, encouragement, and welcome. It is all greatly appreciated. I'd like to think I'll keep on running but not from my problems anymore, rather just for my own satisfaction and gratification that I can overcome some tremendous hurdles in life.
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