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The risk of boredom

Old 10-16-2012, 02:50 AM
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The risk of boredom

Hi all,

I have been thinking for a month or so that I drink too much. I will explain my situation a bit.

5 years ago today I became extremely wealthy. My first college roomate and I became fast friends in school, and later dropped out to save money to start a business. We failed, and failed again, but eventually we started a company that became a truly big deal, even internationally. 5 years ago today we sold it for enough money to become multi deca millionaires.

In the time since then, I have drank alot more than I did before I had money. I always liked drinking, he and I were party kids in college, but in truth, while we thought we were super hard core, we probably smoked a joint twice a week and drank twice a week, beer at that.

I've thought about it for a year now, and I have concluded that the real reason I drink is boredom. I have a great girlfriend, I've been a single parent for ten years and my son is doing great, but... I get so bored, so bored. My son is a teenager now, and we hang out less than we used to, and he has friends over to my house often. And I wind up leaving them with some space, and just sort of sitting around watching netflix. So on the 2-3 days a week that he goes to his Moms, I wind up extra-bored, and I get drunk to pass the time. Netflix is boring as hell, unless you have a drink, then its fun enough, if you can relate.

I know that its important that I quit drinking, I am starting to see some health effects, and life effects. But I don't know how to cope with the boredom, with having nothing to do every day. Please don't say "start another business", that is more difficult, more sacrifice, more loss of quality of life, more hours, and requires more dedication, than anybody who has not done it could realize, and I honestly don't know if I could ever do it again.

Thoughts? Sorry if the plight of a bored rich guy doesn't fly here.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:57 AM
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I was on the opposite end of the scale. I was unemployed. I had nothing to do to. I did everything I needed too. Got all my affairs in order and did a bit of home maintenance but then I was left with huge voids of time to fill. I found stuff to do, simple as that. I made stuff to do. You have to fill your time with something productive. Sitting around watching netflix is probably going to get really boring after a while. If you have money then you have a huge wealth of things to do. Perhaps find something your son is interested in and start a new hobby?
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:57 AM
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Too ad a bit. For the first 4 years since my life changed, I only drank when my son was with his mom. But thats changed a bit, and there are times now when I sneak a pint or something to pass the time after he goes to bed. I am a lifelong insomniac, and once the kid is in bed I wind up incredibly, well, bored, with no idea what to do with my time. HAving a drink passes that time happily.

Also, I have never had a hobby, and have been totally unable to take to one since I started trying. I always liked the big things in life. As a kid I liked sports, and found great purpose in them. As a college lad I liked parties and chasing girls and what not, and found great purpose in that. As a new adult, I found great purpose in business and the pursuit of a pot o gold. As an adult in my mid 30s, I struggle to find any purpose in anything. I remain a good parent, but having a kid isn't really all that much work, and doesn't really take all that much effort. And I find myself ... bored.

I'm very worried that when my son goes off to college I will be at risk of a serious implosion, and I'm also worried that I drink too much, and face some meaningful health risks as a result.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Natom View Post
I was on the opposite end of the scale. I was unemployed. I had nothing to do to. I did everything I needed too. Got all my affairs in order and did a bit of home maintenance but then I was left with huge voids of time to fill. I found stuff to do, simple as that. I made stuff to do. You have to fill your time with something productive. Sitting around watching netflix is probably going to get really boring after a while. If you have money then you have a huge wealth of things to do. Perhaps find something your son is interested in and start a new hobby?
Hi. It seems so simple, right? just get a hobby. I have never liked anything that I didn't percieve as extremely important, that I didn't find a great sense of purpose from. (see my post above). If that makes no sense to folks, I guess I understand, but thereis an ocean of difference between purpose and hobby.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:13 AM
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A lot of people use the excuse that they drink because they're bored... as if the fact that alcohol is an addictive substance is absolutely nothing to do with it It sounds like your tolerance has increased and you're headed down a slippery slope. You'll find lots of support here for quitting.

I detest the word hobby. It sounds so well, hobbyish. The two things I do most is playing music and reading, but I wouldn't describe either of them as a hobby. Reading is just something I like and it makes me feel calm and relaxed, and music is my reason for living. I suppose teaching music is my hobby, but that also gives me a sense of purpose because I am able to pass something on.

What could you pass on to other people. Instead of looking for something so bland as a hobby, could you do something to help people. Have you got something you do well that you can pass on to other people. Or some charity work, a cause you can feel passionate about which will give your life a sense of purpose?

Welcome to SR x
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:13 AM
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I know what you mean. Do you feel that you have some kind of void? You just don't really understand what your purpose on the earth is?
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:14 AM
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Drinking is boring, well was for me.

Nothing wrong with being bored in fact being bored sober is better than being bored drinking.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:18 AM
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Originally Posted by DarkDays View Post
Drinking is boring, well was for me.

Nothing wrong with being bored in fact being bored sober is better than being bored drinking.
I could honestly say that I don't share that sentiment. Being bored while drinking isn't that boring, being bored sober is skull crushing. Is that ok to say? Its just exactly how I feel. With a pint, I could be reasonably entertained staring at my toes, sober, not so much.

If I can avoid a life meltdown, when my son goes to college, hopefully not before, I am going to have to learn how to not be bored when sober. Plain and simple.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Natom View Post
I know what you mean. Do you feel that you have some kind of void? You just don't really understand what your purpose on the earth is?
I miss that sense of purpose that I always had, from puberty through my early 30s, like crazy. I feel like there is no point to my days, frankly. I cook some meals for the kid (or kids, my house seems to be the dumping ground for all the kids in the neighborhood, there are usually 2-5 here at dinner time), and play with my cars, and otherwise there is not much point to anything I do.

I do love my girlfriend, but I've never been a commital type, I could honestly say I've never had any interest in settling down. I always liked trying to win at something, as I said above, I don't mind losing, as long as I'm trying. I'm not trying at anything these days.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:25 AM
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Being bored while drinking isn't that boring, being bored sober is skull crushing

Disagree, its brainwashing and conditioning and your addictive thoughts. IT may feel different and you may feel odd being sober, but you have to give yourself time being sober to get to a place where being sober will not feel boring.

Good luck whatever you do.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:29 AM
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I didn't have a sense of purpose for a long time, either... I just went through each day feeling bored and lonely. I drank when I wanted to spice up my life a bit, when I wanted to escape from the mediocre existence I'd created for myself. Since I've quit drinking, I've had to find other things that do that for me and, thankfully, I've found my sense of purpose again. I did this by going back into education to learn a skill I've always wanted to learn. I am energised and motivated now because I feel like I have lots to look forward to in the future. Is there a skill you've always fancied trying your hand at but never given yourself the chance? If you have money, you have so many options, and for that you are very lucky.

Quitting alcohol was the best thing I could ever do to give me back that sense of purpose. Try it, you'll probably find the same is true for you, too
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:36 AM
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Originally Posted by hypochondriac View Post
A lot of people use the excuse that they drink because they're bored... as if the fact that alcohol is an addictive substance is absolutely nothing to do with it It sounds like your tolerance has increased and you're headed down a slippery slope. You'll find lots of support here for quitting.

I detest the word hobby. It sounds so well, hobbyish. The two things I do most is playing music and reading, but I wouldn't describe either of them as a hobby. Reading is just something I like and it makes me feel calm and relaxed, and music is my reason for living. I suppose teaching music is my hobby, but that also gives me a sense of purpose because I am able to pass something on.

What could you pass on to other people. Instead of looking for something so bland as a hobby, could you do something to help people. Have you got something you do well that you can pass on to other people. Or some charity work, a cause you can feel passionate about which will give your life a sense of purpose?

Welcome to SR x
hey I just saw this post. Yes,my tolerance has increased and I am on a slippery slope, no question. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that boredom isn't a reason to drink. Drinkings fun, it makes things fun. Thats why I drink. I do need to quit.

I have given a great deal of thought to causes that I could charitably work for. A great deal. The one thing I really like is kids. I love the times I get to babysit my ex biz partner / roomates kids, while he goes on vacation. They crack me up, they are so honest. But ... I can't quite think of a niche in the charity-for-kids-world that it would actually help any kids for me to occupy. If that makes sense.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:37 AM
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I was bored too - beyond bored really.

Due to health issues I was housebound, I had no job, very little money...I'd been a successful musician and academic...my health failed me...drinking seemed to make the unbearable less so...

The trouble was my alcoholism progressed...I knew I was wasting away...so it required more booze to numb me....my drinking soon become unbearable.

There was no escape anymore.
Nowhere left to go and no strategy available to me but to drink some more.

In the end my drinking nearly killed me.
It's not a road you want to go down uniquesituation.

You're young you're healthy and well off. You're just at the start of secret drinking etc.
I think you've got everything going for you

The only thing stopping you making changes in your life and finding that sense of purpose again...is you.

That's not 'just words' either...I've lived it.

You'll find a lot of support here.
Again, welcome

D
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:41 AM
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I know quite a few hugely wealthy people, some of them are in a kind of limbo. I know when i retired for the first time at 28 i was busy doing nothing all day long and quite often drunk by midday .

What is it that annoys you when you look around at the world ? poverty ? ignorance ? could you coach others with their business ? Why not raise $1m for charity ? why not form a band and play music ?

Money can be quite isolating , as can alcohol . It's real easy to drift off into an insulated bubble, which in my opinion isn't healthy. I needed ways to get grounded and get "harsh" reality into my life.

Bestwishes, M
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:45 AM
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Originally Posted by MrsKing View Post
I didn't have a sense of purpose for a long time, either... I just went through each day feeling bored and lonely. I drank when I wanted to spice up my life a bit, when I wanted to escape from the mediocre existence I'd created for myself. Since I've quit drinking, I've had to find other things that do that for me and, thankfully, I've found my sense of purpose again. I did this by going back into education to learn a skill I've always wanted to learn. I am energised and motivated now because I feel like I have lots to look forward to in the future. Is there a skill you've always fancied trying your hand at but never given yourself the chance? If you have money, you have so many options, and for that you are very lucky.

Quitting alcohol was the best thing I could ever do to give me back that sense of purpose. Try it, you'll probably find the same is true for you, too
Thats not a bad idea. Thats a great idea. Maybe I should go and finish college. Ha! Thats not a bad idea.

The only challenge to that is that my first attempt at curing my boredom and trying to find a sense of purpose was to ... buy some businesses that were struggling in my town. I own 5 now that employ literally hundreds of people. I have gotten 4 profitable, the 5th is a very challenging and troublesome enterprise, which probably has saved 200 jobs. But ... the thing with business and employees is, and I promise, they will never thank you for your efforts. Employees are more like children than children. They are perpetual trouble.

But on my re-entry into business, I took a different tactic than the first time around. In each case, I found somebodyu that I believed in, and offered them a partnership in the biz if they ran it. 50/50 profit split, with me staying mostly behind the scenes. Its generally worked, the strategy, but it hasn't provided the sense of purpose that I hoped it did. Rationally, as these managers step up to run the businesses, I have realized that the best thing to do is to step back and let them be. So its their show, not mine.

Maybe I really should go finish college, even if there is no point to it.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:48 AM
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Originally Posted by uniquesituation View Post
hey I just saw this post. Yes,my tolerance has increased and I am on a slippery slope, no question. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that boredom isn't a reason to drink. Drinkings fun, it makes things fun. Thats why I drink. I do need to quit.

I have given a great deal of thought to causes that I could charitably work for. A great deal. The one thing I really like is kids. I love the times I get to babysit my ex biz partner / roomates kids, while he goes on vacation. They crack me up, they are so honest. But ... I can't quite think of a niche in the charity-for-kids-world that it would actually help any kids for me to occupy. If that makes sense.
It ain't a reason, it's an excuse. It may be worth looking at some recovery literature, like AVRT or SMART or Allan Carr's Easyway to stop drinking. I had a lot of warped thinking behind my drinking and I had to tackle that to stop me from picking up again.

That's great that you want to work with kids. You don't need a niche, there are a ton of charities out there who need help. Finding volunteer work isn't always very straightforward and can take a lot of time but that should help you from getting bored x
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:50 AM
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Originally Posted by uniquesituation View Post

I always liked trying to win at something, as I said above, I don't mind losing, as long as I'm trying. I'm not trying at anything these days.
Working on the assumption that you are on your way to being dependant on alcohol, what you have described above may the emerging manifestation of alcohol eating your soul.

Despite my dire prediction life in immeasurably more fun and interesting sober. Alcohol induces a state of dissatisfaction, and hides behind our ability to rationalise.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:51 AM
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
I know quite a few hugely wealthy people, some of them are in a kind of limbo. I know when i retired for the first time at 28 i was busy doing nothing all day long and quite often drunk by midday .

What is it that annoys you when you look around at the world ? poverty ? ignorance ? could you coach others with their business ? Why not raise $1m for charity ? why not form a band and play music ?

Money can be quite isolating , as can alcohol . It's real easy to drift off into an insulated bubble, which in my opinion isn't healthy. I needed ways to get grounded and get "harsh" reality into my life.

Bestwishes, M
I retired for teh first time much later than you, I was 32. Congrats. At 28 I was beyond broke.

I don't know if I'm annoyed by the world when I look at it? I hate that so many people feel entitled to a free ride, perhaps? It bothers me to no end that I spend literally 10 years of 100+ hour works weeks (8 of which I was also raising a son, I'd just work all day, and care for him til he went to sleep, then work on the computer from my crappy apartment til 3am) and so many people have MORE than I had for 80% of my life for basically nothing. I hate that ultimately that free ride will hurt them more than it helps them? But I'd guess its impractical to start a "hey i'm a rich guy, quit being a quitter" charity?

From the alcohol perspective, ... Its honestly a lack of any idea of what to do with my time that leads me to drink, most times. And I have, and have always, from my first time, loved the sensation of booze in the blood. Someone let me know if saying that is not allowed.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:57 AM
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Welcome unique!
One thing you wrote jumped out at me.Insomnia!
ME TOO! Many others too.
Drinking actually makes it worse.
you have opportunities others can only dream about, a beautiful child, a great life. Crawling into a bottle wont do anything but kill it all.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I was bored too - beyond bored really.

Due to health issues I was housebound, I had no job, very little money...I'd been a successful musician and academic...my health failed me...drinking seemed to make the unbearable less so...

The trouble was my alcoholism progressed...I knew I was wasting away...so it required more booze to numb me....my drinking soon become unbearable.

There was no escape anymore.
Nowhere left to go and no strategy available to me but to drink some more.

In the end my drinking nearly killed me.
It's not a road you want to go down uniquesituation.

You're young you're healthy and well off. You're just at the start of secret drinking etc.
I think you've got everything going for you

The only thing stopping you making changes in your life and finding that sense of purpose again...is you.

That's not 'just words' either...I've lived it.

You'll find a lot of support here.
Again, welcome

D
thanks d. That was a great read. I do not one bit doubt that its me thats stopping me from finding that sense of purpose that has defined my life to date, but...

I don't know how? I'm honestly (after a ton of bad experiences the first times around) leery of going back into business in a committed way. As in, where I, me, runs the business and commits to it. Its so hard, its such a huge commitment, its so risky, its alot. I'm grateful I did it, but I honestly don't know if I can summon the energy to do it again. It isn't really much fun, in alot of ways, in some ways it is.

It IS me stopping me from finding that sense of purpose, or so I've thought, I don't know how to short circuit the me tthough.
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