STaylor98

Hey everyone,
I havent been on in awhile and Id like to share whats been going on in my life and I have some questions. I'm back on campus in a apartment , which I have found doesnt trigger my depression like the dorms. I come home and I appreciate it so much, it was really hard for me in the dorms. I proclaimed to my friends all summer that I was going to counseling finally, another step to becoming the person I want to be, BUT when I got to campus I got so scared. The truth is im so scared of counseling. I have alot of things I never dealt with, I just moved past them and tried to forget them. I want to ask, what can I expect in counseling? Has anyone been? Im really scared to go...I just have always looked at counseling as this thing that would change things and help me, I dont want to be dissapointed and spiral. Another update is that I met a guy this semester. I'm really comfortable with him and Ive told him about my dad which is RARE! It takes alot for me to open up. We just really enjoy each others company. I dont want to ruin this relationship with acoa traits. Im working on them. One thing that I hate is when I like someone, I pick on them. Guys think its cute and funny but all I see is my dad. What can I do to head this on...?

NWGRITS

I would be frank with this guy and say, "Look, my past is what it is, and I'm trying to improve my future. I have strange quirks because of this, and I'm working on it. I'm open to you saying, 'Hey, you're doing that weird thing again'. I'm in counseling, and it might wear me down some days. Will you support me in this?" Or something to that effect. If you can find an Al-Anon meeting near you, and this guy is pretty serious about being a real friend to you, ask if he would like to join you after a few meetings. That's if you're comfortable sharing your meeting time with another person. Some people aren't and there's nothing wrong with that.

As for counseling, it depends on your therapist. I've had great therapists, and then I've had a guy tell me, "Then just wake up tomorrow and be a better mom and wife." Uhhh, I'm bipolar and battle clinical depression. Thanks, a$$hat. My favorite therapist just let me talk for a while the first session. I said a lot more than I thought I would, and I even ended up answering some of my own questions in the process. But what she really did to help me was going straight for my "I am" statements, and picking that apart. She showed me how descriptors we use for inanimate objects have no place in our descriptions of who we are. I can elaborate on that more tomorrow when I'm on my laptop instead of my phone. It's easier that way.

Anywho, I'm glad you're facing this head-on. I was still fairly clueless about how alcoholism worked at your age. I was just angry and bitter, and I hated the life I'd been dealt. You're already miles ahead of where I was 10 years ago.

VickiACA

Congrats on being so open to new options. Yes I think a counselor can help. Feel free to interview and ask all the questions you need before you commit. Consider interviewing at least 2 or 3. My counselor works with kids some of the time. I asked her if it was hard because the kid just goes back to the crazy family. She said that it is hard but she can provide some healthier perspective that the kid doesn't get at home - call the kid on their **** - and provide some modelling. I think that sums up what a good counselor can do for an adult also.

Counseling with working a program Al-Anon/ACA,getting a sponsor and doing the work can add a greater dimension to your recovery. I started the counseling first and then got back into ACA - my therapist has been very supportive. She encouraged me to get a sponsor right away.

I'd also like to recommend a few relationship books - anything by John Gottman. And my favorite is "After the Honeymoon - How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship" by Daniel Wile. (Anybody reading Wile's book should be sure to read the last chapter.)

I don't know any ACA that had healthy relationships modelled for them.

Congrats on taking charge. Wow - I used to do the pick on thing - not quite sure how I got out of the habit. Consciousness makes a big difference.

Best wishes.
Vicki

STaylor98

This is very late but thank you so much for your responsess.
Havent been to counseling due to a death in my family, its been hetic at school since then. I do plan on going one day. I just want to be a better person. I told the guy that I am going to counseling and he was totally supportive. He had a disfunctional past too. I dont know if he realizes this but hes really positive and supportive.
NWGRITS-
Dont give me that much better. I have alot to sort out, including my anger. I'm not bitter though. Ill go from 1 to 10 in a blink of an eye and i get irritated and irrational at time. I've started trying to backaway from situations and analyze them its harddd but I getting better.