Break through
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 235
Break through
After numerous events, STBXA calls and says he has taken a few weeks off work and needs help. Is not drinking or doing any drugs regularly but admits not right in the head and has issues. How much do I help? Last time I found the facility but it is closed now. Do I find another one? I am in Al-anon but am unsure. I know I do not do what a normal adult can do for themsleves, but is helping find a facility like driving him to an AA meeting? What now?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
Does he have a computer? A telephone? A free phone Book? A bus to get to a library with free internet? In my opinion he can find a place himself. Of course this is easier said then done and who knows what I would do in that situation but my first instinct is to tell you that if he wants to seriously find a rehab he will do the work to find one.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
My thoughts: Don't do anything for him. If he asks you for something specific, like a ride to rehab, then consider it along with your emotional well-being and boundaries.
If he wants it, he will make it happen.
If he wants it, he will make it happen.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I agree, do nothing and especially, offer nothing. When you talk to him, make note of what you are thinking while he talks about his issues, problems, solutions, needs, etc. When I talk to people, I notice how I am always listening for ways I can help others. It's like I am broken because I know I have always been this way. Practice just listening and allowing others to talk about their problems without offering any solutions or help. The more I practiced, the more I could see the dynamic between me and my qualifiers (mostly my addict brother). It's a horrible way to be and I know I do this with BFs too. Thanks for sharing, I needed to read and think about this today.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I am taking a training and one of the tenants that is helping me with all of this is
"Nothing to do, nothing to fix."
If directly asked it puts the ball in my court, but I don't struggle with that as much. I get into trouble when I have eight things planned w/out being asked.
"Nothing to do, nothing to fix."
If directly asked it puts the ball in my court, but I don't struggle with that as much. I get into trouble when I have eight things planned w/out being asked.
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