lo13

I went through hell with my ex. He was a heroin addict. We lived together and he used me for everything I had. I worked all day every day to support him, and he took advantage of every second. In return, I got cheated on and left pregnant for his ex.

Two months after our break-up, which was a horrible break-up, because of his mental and emotional stability as a crack addict and a heroin addict, I heard he got clean. We reconnected. Things were great. They were similar to how they were when we first got together, when he was clean. We went to NA meetings together. He was working, and taking me out on cute dates that he never cared about doing before. He opened up to me. He finally had the ability to feel again, and things were great.

Last weekend, he relapsed. I knew it would happen before it did. He called and begged me not to give up on him if he used again. He turned in to the mean, uncaring jerk he used to be. It killed me. He put himself in rehab. He has only been there a week. He called me today and said he would call again when he has more phone privileges. I am just so confused and need advice from people who have been there. I know it won't be easy for him to get clean. He is 24, and has been an addict for most of his life. I just cant seem to be happy with anyone else, but I know a life with a drug addict is a recipe for misery as well.

Ann

While he is in rehab it might be a good time for you to do some healing too and a little inner self searching to see why you are attracted to a man who is addicted to drugs.

Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA have helped many of us here find out balance. The meetings are about us and not the substance, and I know that I needed those meetings to regain my balance and my sanity when I was at my personal bottom with my addicted son.

I'm glad you joined us and hope you find support and comfort here.

Hugs

rsk

"He called me today and said he would call again when he has more phone privileges."
Hi LO13,
I am not filled with as much wisdom as the others from this forum but I just wanted to comment because your post reminded me of many times that I had went through. The particular comment about calls from rehab made something really stand out to me.

I had gone through many rehab attempts with my EXABF and everytime we spoke while he was in rehab(except for the last time), he was always going back to his normal,sane self. I would get the calls almost every other day and he would tell me everything that I desperately wanted to hear. "I am sorry for the pain that I have caused", "I promise you that we will can get through this as long as I still have YOU", "I am going to stop using drugs", "You are the only thing keeping me alive, I LOVE YOU!","I am serious, I don't want to live like this anymore" ...

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that you may feel like the light is shining through because he is getting back to more sanity than when he was using but the harsh reality that I have learned is that-WORDS ARE ONLY WORDS.

If I could do it over, I would have only stayed for ONE round of the rehab and would have gone no contact for the time he was in rehab and until his actions spoke a language that I understood. The other thing I experienced from rehab was how the counselors would ask me to come in for sessions and I was more or so there having to show my support for my ex as he cried and begged. YOU DO NOT NEED ANYONE TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE WRONG FOR NOT WANTING THIS KIND OF LIFE.

I have never known the world of heroin until now and it is very powerful. I know that when he is sweet and nice, your heart may melt because you love him but it is not fair to only get to see the caring sweet man once in a while- whenever he is not actively using. The bits of the "good" him, the one that we may have fallen in love with, is what may keep us in the satges of hope. I feel so sorry that you too are going through this. The only thing that I can say from my experience with someone who is addicted to heroin is that you can never win against it(the heroin). It's like a monster has a hold of him and you are just too small and weak to release your love from it's death grip. The key lies within him and him only.

dollydo

His addiction is much stronger than you are and you cannot help him. He is the captain of his own ship, as are you.

You are young, do you really want to ride this rollercoater ride from h#ll all the rest of your life? He will be an addict all his life, it is just a matter of whether he is clean/sober and working a strong recovery program or not...that is it.

You can jump off this ride any time you choose, it is up to you.

Take some time to read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs, lots of great information at your fingertips.

FindingErica

1.) There are 6 billion human beings on this planet, how is it tht your happiness rests solely in this one person.

2.). The second half of your sentence does not sound like he is bringing happiness.

Maybe you should define what "happy" means?