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I know the answer before I ask but I need someone to tell me it anyhow.



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I know the answer before I ask but I need someone to tell me it anyhow.

Old 10-14-2012, 02:36 PM
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I know the answer before I ask but I need someone to tell me it anyhow.

I am coming up to 7 months sober. Things a bit flat but a million times better than before. I broke up with my drinking relationship in January and got sober in April of this year. I have kept in touch with him and still see him about once a week.

Heres the rub, I have booked to go away with him for 2 weeks at the beginning of November. I need to get out of this, this is too much of a challenge to my soberity. We always drank when we were together and he still does when I see him, but I can be strong in my own home, and only for a few hours. He is not good for me, thats why I got out, I knew I would never get sober with him. Not only because he is a drinker but because he affects my self esteem negatively.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, I was still keen on him and delighting in my new found soberity, I thought a holiday in the sun would be great, and a change to do it sober. But now I know that is too much of a challenge. The resort is 5 star all inclusive, I can't face it.

The devil on my shoulder says go and drink just for the fortnight, give up again when you get back. Take some time out from the sensible life and have a blast, forget everthing in a way that only booze can do. But last year we went to same kind of resort, I have never drunk so much or felt so ill in my life. As I posted back in May, every day I thought I was in heaven but every morning I thought I was in hell. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

I am going to bed now. I have a lot to face to cancel this, we go in less than 3 weeks and he will lose all the money. I have great friends who are very supportive but they will think why can't I go and not drink, I have managed 7 months, but it is about his company and its many drinking triggers.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:43 PM
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You are doing the right thing by telling him you aren't going. He can either go alone or find someone else to go with him if he wants. In any case, that isn't your problem. Protecting your sobriety is the most important thing here.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:46 PM
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I think you know what the right decision is Rachel

I agree with Suki - it's not your problem - you're dealing with your problem by not going

D
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:46 PM
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I suggest you do not go. It sounds like a really bad idea. He can always take one of his drinking buddies and still go, and therefore not lose his money.
Don't throw away your seven months. And there is no guarantee, if you drink again, you'll be able to get back to sobriety. You have no idea what may happen if you do this.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:48 PM
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Rachel You are definately doing the right thing. If you're thinkng like this just now then you know exactly what to do. Cancel. Enjoy your soberiety!

Baby steps baby steps you'll get another chance of a holiday.

Well done you for reconising the possible pitfall.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:50 PM
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I agree with suki & the others, Rachel. You've worked so hard for that 7 months of sobriety. Your instincts are right - get out of it. I know if I went, I'd tell myself I'd be careful but we all know how it would end up.

Glad you posted about this - very sorry you have this awkward situation to face, but you'll be so relieved when you've done the right thing. Let us know how it's going.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:19 PM
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You knew and were smart enough to drop by.

The common wisdom (which I normally take with a grain of salt) says to avoid serious relationships for a year after quitting or more. And that is talking about with sober new folks.

Here you are contemplating going on holiday with a man from your drinking past, and intimate to boot? How senseless does this appear at first glance?

You mention you feel flat and that too is normal. Getting back together with an old flame with alcohol for unflattenning out may be hazardous to your health.

But you knew that.
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:23 PM
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I agree it's a hard decision, but this is a time in your life when you need to put yourself first.
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:23 PM
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I think you're making the right decision not to go, but it's a hard one. I'm sure it's so tempting to go but remembering feeling like hell and never having been sicker should help you stick to your guns. He can find someone else to go, but you can't replace 7 months of sobriety.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:00 AM
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thank you to everyone. I have just re read the posts and I did need people to tell me it was a daft idea. I have not found the courage to tell him yet but already feel so much better because the decision is made. I am now looking for a weeks holiday somewhere warm on my own. It will be an entirely differnt holiday and one that I want.

Drinking has gone back to being ignored now, It was on my mind so much as the holiday loomed. I can again relax and enjoy my soberity, as advised! thank you.

Raining and horrible here now but just gonna take the dog out on a long walk. That is such a pleasure in life. I love her, she is my new relationship. My dog passed away 18 months ago and I was a year without. I got Tess this spring when she was 6 weeks old. She was born on March 30th and my last drink was April 1st (all fools day of course). It was the best move I have made in a long time. Then I went and arranged a holiday with a drinking ex!!!!

Deep down I always know what is the right and best thing to do. So why do I still get it wrong. I'm too old and ugly to keep making the same mistakes again. The drinking was without a doubt the biggest and I am not ever going back to it.

Thanks so much for listening. Puppy is asleep now but as soon I move from the laptop she'll be wide awake and ready to go.

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Old 10-17-2012, 05:20 AM
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You made the right choice. This says it all:

24 Hrs a Day ~ 6th Jan 2009

A.A. Thought for the Day

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Meditation for the Day

I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it, God cannot give me His power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.

(Let it be a God or Higher Power of your own understanding)
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Old 10-17-2012, 05:25 AM
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Rachel. just remember, spending a weekend indulging is not as valuable to you as your long term health. good luck! and i say you should definitely get it cancelled, because the devil on our shoulders can be very convincing, especially when your friends are pleading you to get some shots..
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:59 PM
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Hi all

Thanks for listening. I did cancel the holiday and I am still sober. thanks to you all for being there.

Take care
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:57 PM
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Good for you area Rachel, I am sure it was hard, but it sounds like you have planned a holiday you can enjoy!!
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