Never let them get you down Part 2
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Never let them get you down Part 2
I lied. I do care. So I wrote the "I dont care" in hopes of getting my emotional state somewhere in the positive. I am trying and hoping to be my best supportive friend.
I was showering and humming to myself. La la la.....A phone conversation from last night pops into my head and it goes like this:
My sister: I know you'll drink again
Me: (long pause) Well i have today
My sister: I shouldnt have said that...Im sorry. Im just saying never say never
Me: Ya, never say never....Im not saying never. I have 70 days tomorrow....
(Something along those lines. Maybe the "I have 70 days" was before all of this, you get the picture)
Why is it that others wait for the shoe to drop? Is that the saying?
Supportive? No
Does it matter? Yes
Do I feel like crying? Yes
What to do? What to do? ( this might be a resentment thing that i need to address)
Im carrying on now! Thank you all for your support in this ongoing process.
I was showering and humming to myself. La la la.....A phone conversation from last night pops into my head and it goes like this:
My sister: I know you'll drink again
Me: (long pause) Well i have today
My sister: I shouldnt have said that...Im sorry. Im just saying never say never
Me: Ya, never say never....Im not saying never. I have 70 days tomorrow....
(Something along those lines. Maybe the "I have 70 days" was before all of this, you get the picture)
Why is it that others wait for the shoe to drop? Is that the saying?
Supportive? No
Does it matter? Yes
Do I feel like crying? Yes
What to do? What to do? ( this might be a resentment thing that i need to address)
Im carrying on now! Thank you all for your support in this ongoing process.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I'm sorry for your having that conversation.
I didn't talk to people around me about what I was doing. Honestly, I was SO vulnerable when I stopped drinking, that a wrong look or word would have done me in. I couldn't afford any negative feedback.
You know you can do this, you've got 70 days and there's no reason to stop.
I didn't talk to people around me about what I was doing. Honestly, I was SO vulnerable when I stopped drinking, that a wrong look or word would have done me in. I couldn't afford any negative feedback.
You know you can do this, you've got 70 days and there's no reason to stop.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Santa Monica, CA
Posts: 168
MIZZUNO, my family is always reminding me of the terrible things ive done while blacked out drunk. This sucks because all I want to do is start fresh and erase my memory of some of the past. Because of this, I have been working on my sobriety because it is important to me, not just them. The more weeks I go sober, the more they will take me seriously though. I'm sure everything will work out with your fam!
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
That conversation sucks. I have been through so many similar conversations in the past. The reality of the situation is that often friends and family don't understand what we go through or what we have suffered with. They don't understand that there are underlying issues that will not go away just because we have stopped drinking or using drugs. These are things we have to work on. Support from a family member of a friend means the world to me.
I am in the great situation of having two close friends who completely understand my recovery. They don't ask about it but will talk about it when I want too. Sometimes you just have to be brash and tell them you're going through a lot and their negative attitude is not helping you.
I am in the great situation of having two close friends who completely understand my recovery. They don't ask about it but will talk about it when I want too. Sometimes you just have to be brash and tell them you're going through a lot and their negative attitude is not helping you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Yes, a conversation like you described would not feel good. I guess when it comes down to it we have to make our sobriety the number one priority to ourselves whether or not those around us are helpful. Take care of yourself, no matter what unhelpful words are said to you. Maybe that person is struggling too and can't be helpful at this time. Take care and stay safe.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by bloss 
Yes, a conversation like you described would not feel good. I guess when it comes down to it we have to make our sobriety the number one priority to ourselves whether or not those around us are helpful. Take care of yourself, no matter what unhelpful words are said to you. Maybe that person is struggling too and can't be helpful at this time. Take care and stay safe.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
Yes, maybe she is struggling and can't find it in herself to be supportive....those words are very unhelpful and I will let them go. It will take time. I have nothing to prove to her or to anyone. I cried, I got angry.....now Im just trying to accept.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
I make this post with utter respect and humility for the feelings you had as you wrote your post. Part of our problem as alcoholics is ego..we think the world revolves around us. Sadly it doesn't, and from that comment from your sister, it appears quite clear to me that she has her own issues to deal with. Maybe you are the strong sister, whom she always envied. Maybe your drinking was the one weakness that made her feel good. Maybe you taking control is only making her feel more inadequate, because the one thing she thought she had was sobriety. Just as well, maybe she is insecure about her drinking, and felt like you two were running in tandem. When one party pulls out, look out for the straggler who feels all alone. The world is not limited to our own issues, I have grown to learn that everybody has issues!
The other very real possibility is that she doesn't understand alcoholism to the fullest. Everybody understands a drunk. Nobody really knows what it means to quit, unless they have been there. I am riddled with guilt now in my sobriety for the numerous times I insisted somebody have a drink with me if for nothing else but good manners towards me as the host - when they kept repeating "I don't drink anymore". I had no concept of quitting forever, I had no concept of relapse, I had no concept that liquor could kill somebody from the inside out. In all of that ignorance, my heart was completely in the right place.
The other very real possibility is that she doesn't understand alcoholism to the fullest. Everybody understands a drunk. Nobody really knows what it means to quit, unless they have been there. I am riddled with guilt now in my sobriety for the numerous times I insisted somebody have a drink with me if for nothing else but good manners towards me as the host - when they kept repeating "I don't drink anymore". I had no concept of quitting forever, I had no concept of relapse, I had no concept that liquor could kill somebody from the inside out. In all of that ignorance, my heart was completely in the right place.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Mizzuno ,
You are MY hero. I think you've done so well. You never have to drink again if you don't want to . All the rest is just other people talkin' .
We choose to live sober which makes it all the more worthwhile , those who havn't had to do this or still have issues of their own don't understand or don't want to understand .
You take care now, M
You are MY hero. I think you've done so well. You never have to drink again if you don't want to . All the rest is just other people talkin' .
We choose to live sober which makes it all the more worthwhile , those who havn't had to do this or still have issues of their own don't understand or don't want to understand .
You take care now, M
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by DrunkTx
I make this post with utter respect and humility for the feelings you had as you wrote your post. Part of our problem as alcoholics is ego..we think the world revolves around us. Sadly it doesn't, and from that comment from your sister, it appears quite clear to me that she has her own issues to deal with. Maybe you are the strong sister, whom she always envied. Maybe your drinking was the one weakness that made her feel good. Maybe you taking control is only making her feel more inadequate, because the one thing she thought she had was sobriety. Just as well, maybe she is insecure about her drinking, and felt like you two were running in tandem. When one party pulls out, look out for the straggler who feels all alone. The world is not limited to our own issues, I have grown to learn that everybody has issues!
The other very real possibility is that she doesn't understand alcoholism to the fullest. Everybody understands a drunk. Nobody really knows what it means to quit, unless they have been there. I am riddled with guilt now in my sobriety for the numerous times I insisted somebody have a drink with me if for nothing else but good manners towards me as the host - when they kept repeating "I don't drink anymore". I had no concept of quitting forever, I had no concept of relapse, I had no concept that liquor could kill somebody from the inside out. In all of that ignorance, my heart was completely in the right place.
The other very real possibility is that she doesn't understand alcoholism to the fullest. Everybody understands a drunk. Nobody really knows what it means to quit, unless they have been there. I am riddled with guilt now in my sobriety for the numerous times I insisted somebody have a drink with me if for nothing else but good manners towards me as the host - when they kept repeating "I don't drink anymore". I had no concept of quitting forever, I had no concept of relapse, I had no concept that liquor could kill somebody from the inside out. In all of that ignorance, my heart was completely in the right place.
I think it is about her and her own issues with alcohol and substances. I will leave her life out of this because it is hers to share and not mine. I appreciate you saying this. I understand a little better now. I will carry on doing what I am doing. I can be supportive towards her because that is who I am. She will find her way to be supportive. I know that she loves me and wants the best for me. I want the best for her. I know that she is dealing with a lot. So, that comment had nothing to do with me in the long run.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by mecanix
Mizzuno ,
You are MY hero. I think you've done so well. You never have to drink again if you don't want to . All the rest is just other people talkin' .
We choose to live sober which makes it all the more worthwhile , those who havn't had to do this or still have issues of their own don't understand or don't want to understand .
You take care now, M
You are MY hero. I think you've done so well. You never have to drink again if you don't want to . All the rest is just other people talkin' .
We choose to live sober which makes it all the more worthwhile , those who havn't had to do this or still have issues of their own don't understand or don't want to understand .
You take care now, M
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I don't think anyone, unless they've been through the same thing, can understand how vulnerable we are in early sobriety. There are so many emotions to deal with and we have to learn to love ourselves again.
If you can, though, try not to think about your sister's words as a comment on whether you can stay sober or not. She's just coming from her own place of fear. The reasons she's worried is because she obviously cares about you - she loves you and just wants the best for you. If you think about it that way, it might be a little easier to forgive her.
If you can, though, try not to think about your sister's words as a comment on whether you can stay sober or not. She's just coming from her own place of fear. The reasons she's worried is because she obviously cares about you - she loves you and just wants the best for you. If you think about it that way, it might be a little easier to forgive her.
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