Butterfly Kisses

Never thought I would be back here! WOW! Probably many of you don't know me, however my name's ashley. I joined this site when I was 14 or 15 with a meth addiction. i have been clean ever since may 2006.

A month later I met my husband and we both were clean and sober meth addicts. Everything was fine until 2010 he relapsed, ended up in the hospital, almost died because he has a pre-existing heart condition. He was 100% incoherent and I could not carry him to the house. So I drove him to the hospital. So scaryyy.

Fast forward 2 years later... Long story short we had a run in with CPS a few months ago because he was asleep while I was at work, our little one (3 years old) had left the house. Not once, not twice, BUT 3 TIMES in the same afternoon. CPS had him do a UA and was positive for meth! He denied it and tried to make up an excuse for it being dirty.


I have never been so confused, betrayed, angry, stressed, heart broken, miserable in my entire life We recently started in the self help housing program. It's where we are able to own a new home by doing 60% of the building ourselves. The building is going well, and he helps out a lot with that as I'm the only one working. that's his "job". so i feel stuck with him.... he denies his use, and have had a heart to heart with him along the lines of "if you have a problem you can tell me, i can help you and we can work it out" but he lies straight to my face. I want to get a hair confirm test and see what it may say. has anyone used them before? i just dont know what to do...

Ann

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sweetie, I don't think you need a hair test, if you think he is using he is probably using. And if he is using, your daughter continues to be in danger if in his care.

Can you find someone to watch your child when you are not there? Family or friends maybe?

Only you can decide how you want to live your life, the house doesn't really matter if it means living with active addiction.

I'm glad you came back and hope you find some comfort here.

Hugs

Freedom1990

Congratulations on your clean time. That is no small feat for a meth addict. I know because meth was my drug of choice.

You don't have to answer me, but just ask yourself, are you willing to lose your precious child due to his addictions?

I have a daughter who is now 34 and an active addict. She was three when I got involved with my EXAH (not his child) and she was eight the first time I got clean and sober. She is scarred forever.

It has been very hard to forgive myself for what she went through, but eventually I did.

I made the conscious choice to drink again and do cocaine shortly after I celebrated 4 years clean/sober. I had chosen to get involved seriously with a fellow addict in recovery.

I completely lost myself in that unhealthy relationship. Turns out he was not clean/sober for two years. He hid it well from me. I was so entangled with him that when he really spiraled, I went right down the tubes with him.

It was not worth it. I was incredibly blessed to make it back into recovery after two months of hell.

He did not. He married another active addict that same year and has been with her until recently when he went to Vegas after a substantial inheritance. He overdosed and died in Vegas. My EXAH is also dead. We were both IV users. He went through rehab shortly before I did, and drank whiskey and shot dope the day he got out.

He died a few years ago at the tender age of 47. Complications from AIDS.

I would like to share with you at a later date about the miracles that happened in my life when I finally hit a bottom while still married to him.

I protect my recovery like the precious seed that it is in my hand. I hope you do too.

Sending you many hugs of support, hon!