quitforme79

Hey all, I am just a couple days shy of a month. My emotions have calmed down somewhat but I feel pretty low. I go to meetings, do sober activities with others but never feel like I am happy or even enjoying the moment. This past week, all I do is come home from work, get in my pajamas and lay on the couch or in bed. This weekend I am sick so have an excuse but would probably be doing it anyway. I feel like everything good is happening somewhere else. I am beyond homesick for NY and have been unable to find a job there. Couple these emotions with sobriety and they are even more noticable and unbearable. Truth is, I have probably been depressed for the past year but drank it numb. I am seeing a psychiatrist Tuesday and although I don't want to try medication I think I have to go in with an open mind because I am really struggling and don't want it to lead me to relapse. I want to hear that these feelings of depression are normal but maybe they are just normal for me.

misterritter

They are normal for me. I can see how I have been depressed for years now and how it has been worsening. I am not sure yet what stopping drinking has done though. I think I feel better now that I have quit, but some days are definitely better than others.

In my case, I don't know how the drinking and depression are tied together, but I know they are. Not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg, but I am sure that it will be easier to figure out what the problem is and be happy if I don't spend every free moment I have drunk.

I hope things begin to look up for you, and I know exactly what you mean about being unable to feel joy or enjoy the moment. It is no way to live, hopefully the psychiatrist will be able to help. I have been seeing mine for about a month now, no mention of medication, and early on I realized it would not be a fast process.

Good luck.

ps One thing that has made me feel good, is physically putting my body and house back in order. I have been trying to exercise and eat better and be more diligent about keeping the house up. Seeing a clean organized house (or at least getting there) and having a body that feels and looks better have been a bright spot for me.

quitforme79

Thank you ritter. I have started eating healthy again but have zero motivation to get back to the gym. Usually I am a very active person so I know something is definitely wrong when I have no motivation to get moving. I think I just have to get to the gym and start somewhere. Once I am over being sick I will go, hopefully tomorrow. And I agree with you about what came first, depression or drinking? I know I drank to ease anxiety but I have always felt empty too, like something's missing. And yes, drinking will make it worse so I am thankful for at least being sober and being able to try and fix myself without a clouded mind. I hope you continue to feel better...I guess it's a process like you say and doesn't happen over night, unfortunately

pipparina

please give yourself a break. You have been sober for a very short time, and you are finally feeling things that you numbed with alcohol. It takes a bit for your body and mind to adjust to life on life's terms. Let yourself sleep more if that is what you need.
I went up and down in early sobriety. When I was first getting sober, I slept a lot. I thought that was how I would be for rest of my life. But it wasn't. After I had time to adjust to this new life without alcohol, I started getting back to the gym, to run, to socialize. But the first few months I had no energy.
You're not feeling anything that is abnormal. Trust me!

quitforme79

Thank you pipparina. I have been sleeping A LOT , taking naps which is so out of character for me. And yes I have been thinking that this lonely, sleepy existence will be the rest of my life LOL Glad to hear you were feeling the same although sorry you had to go thru it!

least

Early recovery is a time of emotional ups and downs. It will smooth out with the passage of time. In the meantime treat yourself well, good food, rest, and fun things to do if you can.

FreeFall

You're definitely normal. It took me about 11 weeks to lose the lethargy. I was physically exhausted, mentally drained, and not in a great mood. It's just now starting to turn around. I've been walking, swimming laps, and feeling a lot more energy. Your body is healing, it needs time to adjust. A lot of us drank to bury feelings, and they come out again as you start to recover.

Keep looking for that job and hang in there-it gets better. As for feeling happy, that will come too-we have to find new things to replace the drinking lifestyle. A lot of the happiness associated with drinking is artificial and very fleeting anyway if you're honest with yourself. A good buzz isn't the same as real happiness.

Purplecatlover

Early sobriety is an emotional rollercoaster for sure. I know for me, I was up & down & being a normal hormonal female ( sorry guys) low moods are just part of the territory.
Remember, this WILL pass, just don't give up.
Going to a Psychiatrist is great. It may help to sort out all these foreign feelings.

Don't write off meds either. I was soooo against them, was sober 8 months, pretty happy, but life was getting REALLY stressful & I was scared I was going to implode if I didn't do something. I went on Antidepressants & I feel soooo much better. Thoughts of drinking don't even cross my mind now. I can handle stress, am calmer. I wish I'd have done it sooner. Not sure what I was afraid of.

Someone told me "there's a big difference between taking drugs to escape life, than taking drugs now to keep me in my life"

It made me feel better. Some people need a little extra help & that's ok. It doesn't mean you're a failure because life doesn't turn rosy overnight.

Cut yourself some slack & take it easy. Keep your chin up. You're doing great

Auvers

As others have said, the lack of energy can definitely be part of your withdrawal phase. I had no energy the first couple of months, no ability to find enjoyment in anything. I thought this was my new life sober, nothing better than a long afternoon nap and early to bed as well. Gradually about 10 to 11 weeks, I felt better. By 13 weeks things were humming and continue to improve here at week 18. I never heard of the "post acute withdrawal" phase but after I read about it, it was very clear this was going on with me. Knowing my neurotransmitters were off kilter and took so long to get normal has given me a giant shake up in recognizing the problem I created. It certainly reinforces the decision to quit. Good luck, stick it out.

quitforme79

Thanks for all the wonderful advice everyone. I will hang in & it helps so much to hear that things will eventually get better. They certainly can't get worse unless I drink. I will trust the psychiatrist who comes highly recommended by a good friend. I have to keep in mind that this is a new lifestyle & will take time to adjust to. I want to feel happy now but suppose I have a lot of things to work through. Patience is a key word here & something I need to work on. Thanks again everyone

Anna

And, it could be that you were depressedbefore you began to drink. That was the situation for me, so I had to get the depression treated. If your depression is a result of drinking , then it might still clear up. Either way, it's a good idea to talk to the psychiatrist.

Sapling

I'm telling you Quit....Read the 9th step promises of AA...That's what I wanted....And I worked those steps to get them....That's where change happens. What you're going through now is normal....What lays ahead of you...Is amazing!

Hevyn

I agree with all the other helpful posts. I hope it won't sound discouraging, but it took me 2-3 months to begin to feel really cheerful. At first, I was grateful to be sober - but sort of in a state of shock. Then I had a self-pity phase. I think we go through many stages as we heal.

You will feel better - be patient with yourself. It's early days yet. Proud of you for your almost one month sober!

Delilah1

Hi Quitforme,

I k ow the feeling. I am only at the end of day two, after attempting many times to quit on my own before this time I am doing it with help. I met with a doctor and a counselor yesterday, and I am going to go to both individual and group sessions. I did a race today, but know that my body is not in the shape it should be, but I am motivated to stick with exercise and just take it day by day.

If the psych things a prescription can help with the depression give it a try. Hope you start to feel better soon. I am hoping I do as well!