In the thick of it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
In the thick of it
Another day down. I toyed with the idea of drinking today. I was like a yo-yo, up and down and all around with the idea. It was a idea.
Im in the thick of it at my workplace. The economy in my area is largely based on "Alternative Farming". We are in harvest season. People from all over the world are coming into the store to stock up on snacks, food, beauty items and vitamins. So many different languages. The travelers are earning their paycheck just like the rest of us. The only difference is that they do not pay taxes and those of us that do pay taxes are paying for these people to get food stamps. Rolls of twenties and a fancy wardrobe.....I dont qualify for food stamps and Im poorer than most of these people.
I sell and recommend vitamins and herbs to the masses of individuals that grow on their land and get a large paycheck once a year. A huge big fat paycheck. It's awkward and uncomfortable for me to see all of this take place. I thought I was moving out of that culture. Here i am right in the middle of it again, in the thick of it. I have some serious judgement towards the whole situation.
I understand the need for medical use. If a person is terminally ill and they need to use the medicine so that they can eat I am all for it. If it is medically used then medically use it. If its for personal use then that's your deal. I just don't understand the idea of making a living off of it. I dont understand it all. What skills will they have when it comes down to getting a real job. Why in the world are my taxes going to help these people financially?
I didnt drink today. I thought of getting a new job. I thought of drinking. I then thought better of it. Im in escrow as of Monday. I have to endure this until everything is in the clear. I can do it.
I just needed to get this off my chest. Am I to harsh? Is there something I am not seeing?
Im in the thick of it at my workplace. The economy in my area is largely based on "Alternative Farming". We are in harvest season. People from all over the world are coming into the store to stock up on snacks, food, beauty items and vitamins. So many different languages. The travelers are earning their paycheck just like the rest of us. The only difference is that they do not pay taxes and those of us that do pay taxes are paying for these people to get food stamps. Rolls of twenties and a fancy wardrobe.....I dont qualify for food stamps and Im poorer than most of these people.
I sell and recommend vitamins and herbs to the masses of individuals that grow on their land and get a large paycheck once a year. A huge big fat paycheck. It's awkward and uncomfortable for me to see all of this take place. I thought I was moving out of that culture. Here i am right in the middle of it again, in the thick of it. I have some serious judgement towards the whole situation.
I understand the need for medical use. If a person is terminally ill and they need to use the medicine so that they can eat I am all for it. If it is medically used then medically use it. If its for personal use then that's your deal. I just don't understand the idea of making a living off of it. I dont understand it all. What skills will they have when it comes down to getting a real job. Why in the world are my taxes going to help these people financially?
I didnt drink today. I thought of getting a new job. I thought of drinking. I then thought better of it. Im in escrow as of Monday. I have to endure this until everything is in the clear. I can do it.
I just needed to get this off my chest. Am I to harsh? Is there something I am not seeing?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
If I read your post right (and maybe I'm way off base) but I had friends who were into the same kind of horticulture - they still might be for all I know.
I had to remove myself from that environment - for my own recovery and my peace of mind - although altruism was frequently invoked, it was clearly a money making business and they didn't care one bit about the consequences for their customers.
I don't really believe there are 'valid' resentments tho - not really, not for people like us....resentments left unchecked can lead to some pretty dark places.
If this is a problem for you so much it's making you think of drinking, then you need to do something about it Mizzuno.
I'm not sure what you can do, but maybe getting more support for yourself and your recovery is a good idea right now?
D
I had to remove myself from that environment - for my own recovery and my peace of mind - although altruism was frequently invoked, it was clearly a money making business and they didn't care one bit about the consequences for their customers.
I don't really believe there are 'valid' resentments tho - not really, not for people like us....resentments left unchecked can lead to some pretty dark places.
If this is a problem for you so much it's making you think of drinking, then you need to do something about it Mizzuno.
I'm not sure what you can do, but maybe getting more support for yourself and your recovery is a good idea right now?
D
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Sorry you are in such a frustrating situation. Glad you did not drink though!
I enjoy your posts and am glad you are here sober.
The world is goofy. The US is goofy. Heck, my town and my family is goofy.........California is obviously no exception. Try not to let your surroundings get you down. Hope you get your solid footing back soon.
I enjoy your posts and am glad you are here sober.
The world is goofy. The US is goofy. Heck, my town and my family is goofy.........California is obviously no exception. Try not to let your surroundings get you down. Hope you get your solid footing back soon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Yes, more support. That is what i need. I have been a bit inactive on this site. I might try face to face.....hmmmm.
You are right on base. It is so blatant. Today was a day of annoyance with the whole scene. Usually I can blind myself to the whole situation and just go about my business. It is more apparent than usual because of the season. I am not adjusted to this. I am not sure if i want to adjust.
I really enjoy my job. Its a wonderful learning experience. Everyday a new Vitamin or Herb or health kick is being introduced to the world. I GET to be a part of this. I just wish the "Alternative Farming" people were not the majority of our customer base. Healthy food and "Horticulture" go hand in hand?
So, I am going to step up this recovery thing a notch and keep on keeping on.
You are right on base. It is so blatant. Today was a day of annoyance with the whole scene. Usually I can blind myself to the whole situation and just go about my business. It is more apparent than usual because of the season. I am not adjusted to this. I am not sure if i want to adjust.
I really enjoy my job. Its a wonderful learning experience. Everyday a new Vitamin or Herb or health kick is being introduced to the world. I GET to be a part of this. I just wish the "Alternative Farming" people were not the majority of our customer base. Healthy food and "Horticulture" go hand in hand?
So, I am going to step up this recovery thing a notch and keep on keeping on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
This is a resentment ( Ah ha moment.... Thanks Dee) . I must clear my head and get this resentment settled. This is not a good enough reason for me to go out and trip into a bottle. Its like seeing the big hole in the ground and choosing to walk into the big hole.
There will never be a good reason. I guess it is LIVE AND LET LIVE time.
( resentment i release you )
There will never be a good reason. I guess it is LIVE AND LET LIVE time.
( resentment i release you )
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Mizzuno,
I just want to let you know that taking time before the slip is so important on the road to staying sober. I know staying close to this site and posting when I am feeling unstable has saved my butt a few times.
I frickin love the "resentment I release you"!
I just want to let you know that taking time before the slip is so important on the road to staying sober. I know staying close to this site and posting when I am feeling unstable has saved my butt a few times.
I frickin love the "resentment I release you"!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Good for you!
"I am wearing the T-shirt of my sobriety and it has the stains of a year of tears on it. But it also has the stains of a lot of icing from the cake on it too. Some people cry over the stains they can't get out. I am still learning to smile at how they were made."
Itchy
"I am wearing the T-shirt of my sobriety and it has the stains of a year of tears on it. But it also has the stains of a lot of icing from the cake on it too. Some people cry over the stains they can't get out. I am still learning to smile at how they were made."
Itchy
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
This is a resentment ( Ah ha moment.... Thanks Dee) . I must clear my head and get this resentment settled. This is not a good enough reason for me to go out and trip into a bottle. Its like seeing the big hole in the ground and choosing to walk into the big hole.
Bestwishes, M
LOL
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