So lonely
I can do anything!!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 99
So lonely
I have been single for 7 years!!! I have dated but nothing long term in 7 damn years. I have horrible self esteem. I want someone to be here with me, to help me out. I have 2 kids and I am overworked and just tired of my life. I like my girlfriends but I would so much rather hang out with men. I think that I have become a little desperate and men can see it from a mile away. Why did it come to this? Why are no men interested in me? Yes I have problems but doesn't everyone?
A strange post for this site, but just guessing that alcohol abuse and my issues go hand in hand.
A strange post for this site, but just guessing that alcohol abuse and my issues go hand in hand.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I think it's really important to rebuild our self esteem before we try to tackle any kind of relationship. Otherwise, we're still looking "out there" to solve our problems or fill a void, just like we did with alcohol.
It's good when you can get in touch with what you're feeling/thinking. After I got sober, I realized that a lot of my need to escape was because I was always telling myself negative things that were self-defeating. One you learn to be a friend to yourself, I think the rest will fall into place.
It's good when you can get in touch with what you're feeling/thinking. After I got sober, I realized that a lot of my need to escape was because I was always telling myself negative things that were self-defeating. One you learn to be a friend to yourself, I think the rest will fall into place.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
It's once you get rid of that self-sabotage thing too. I used to moan about stuff I could easily change. I just couldn't be bothered to easily change it. I was locked on my pity pot. Now I actually change stuff.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Artsoul is absolutely right.
I also had the negative self-talk going all the time and would have done just about anything to shut it out. Like yourself and love yourself and the rest will fall into place.
I also had the negative self-talk going all the time and would have done just about anything to shut it out. Like yourself and love yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: North Jersey
Posts: 207
Originally Posted by artsoul 
I think it's really important to rebuild our self esteem before we try to tackle any kind of relationship. Otherwise, we're still looking "out there" to solve our problems or fill a void, just like we did with alcohol.
It's good when you can get in touch with what you're feeling/thinking. After I got sober, I realized that a lot of my need to escape was because I was always telling myself negative things that were self-defeating. One you learn to be a friend to yourself, I think the rest will fall into place.
It's good when you can get in touch with what you're feeling/thinking. After I got sober, I realized that a lot of my need to escape was because I was always telling myself negative things that were self-defeating. One you learn to be a friend to yourself, I think the rest will fall into place.
I can do anything!!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 99
I think that you are all correct here. I have been trying to fill a void, get rid of that empty feeling. I used to think, or tell myself, that I drank because I was bored and lonely. I am starting to realize that I am bored and lonely because I drink. It is really tough to make changes when you are constantly criticizing yourself and telling yourself that you can't do it.
I have tried going to places where sober men are but no luck. I am not good at being just friends with men. Another thing I need to work on. I am going to try to just forget about it for now. I would probably just make a mess of any relationship right now anyways. Just keep going I guess.
I have tried going to places where sober men are but no luck. I am not good at being just friends with men. Another thing I need to work on. I am going to try to just forget about it for now. I would probably just make a mess of any relationship right now anyways. Just keep going I guess.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
I am lonely too- broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago due to alcohol issues and other issues. I am trying to hang with friends and just keep occupied. I am doing meditation,I took a painting class recently. You could also get involved with Meetup.
Yeah if you don't have good self esteem that's not a good thing. In my case I am having to rebuild mine since my jerk of an ex was really critical, controlling, and insulting to me.
Drinking does not help for sure, just makes you feel worse about yourself in the end.
Yeah if you don't have good self esteem that's not a good thing. In my case I am having to rebuild mine since my jerk of an ex was really critical, controlling, and insulting to me.
Drinking does not help for sure, just makes you feel worse about yourself in the end.
. Go to meetup.com. It is a site that is divided by region, city, etc & there are all sorts of "meetup" groups listed. Like for walking, or philosophy, foods...that sort of thing.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Sounds to me like you're probably right about cause and effect diha. CloseToRecovery is also right. Stopping drinking needs to be your top priority right now. Everything else WILL get WORSE, slowly, if you don't. Alcohol is a sneaky, vile creature that will eventually take EVERYTHING from you... if you let it.
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